How would you feel? the same or do I need a kick up the rear?

Candyapple

Well done on the savings and it makes for a nice update

As for your mum and the email she sent, why not send one back to all of your relatives who were cc'd into it stating the truth behind her lies and the reasoning behind why you don't want such a toxic person living with you and since they are all so concerned to the point that they are calling you, that perhaps one of them would like to take up the mantle and offer her a place to stay?

Or you could just leave them all to it if they're so quick to judge without knowing the whole story, they probably know what she's like after all these years and are just calling you to plead that you take her in for fear of her calling in on one of them :rotfl:

If your mum has to sell her home she'll still have money to buy elsewhere, albeit it might not be the 4 bedroom house she was dreaming of but perhaps a 1 bed flat instead. Not quite the epitome of being homeless but why let that get in the way of a good sob story.

dirty_magic

I didn't see this thread the first time around, what she did was cruel. My parents would never do that. If they did offer me money and then have to change their minds they'd feel terrible. At the very least she could have been apologetic.

Alarm bells are ringing from your update. Some of the things she's done should a lot like symptoms of bipolar. She sounds like she could cause a world of problems if you don't keep her at arms length, don't let her take you for granted.

barbiedoll

barbiedoll wrote: »

I know it doesn't seem like it now but this really is a blessing in disguise.

Imagine if you had the money and bought the house. Now imagine a few years down the line, you're settled in, possibly with kids and/or pets, enjoying life in your own home.

Your mother runs out of cash and suddenly decides that she wants a return on her "investment". She could either demand to move in, or that you repay her the money. Even the best case scenario would probably mean endless digs about how you took her money, how ungrateful you are and how she owns half of your house, etc etc.

I'm torn on the idea of invoicing her, on one hand, you helped her out because you (mistakenly) thought she was skint. She wasn't, so she obtained your money under false pretenses. Yes, you should be entitled to it back! On the other hand, she's a selfish person who clearly likes having the balance of power that money brings, she would like nothing better than to turn this around and make you out to be a money-grabbing daughter who only cares about her mother's cash.

You, and we, know that you're better than that. Promise yourself that this is the final time that you'll be hoodwinked by her and perhaps have a good look on this forum for ways to save towards that deposit. The house that you have your heart set on obviously wasn't meant to be. Mourn for it and then move on. You have the love of your partner and you're young with your life ahead of you. Your mother may have her cash but she's lost something much more valuable.

I was reading this thread again today and I thought that I remembered replying to it when you originally posted.

It doesn't give me any pleasure to see that I was right but it does give me great pleasure to see how you have moved on to a much better place. And you have finally managed to make your mum realise that you're not a doormat any more.

Ignore your family, it's got nothing to do with them. If they're so concerned, they can give her a home!

Congrats on your new home and new beginning! :T:T

Kim_kim

ringo_24601 wrote: »

She chose to accept money from you.. someone who can't even afford a deposit for a home, then she spent it on a fancy car rather than choose to help her family onto the property ladder...

THEN - it's your problem because you want the money you gave back; under a false assumption of your mothers inability to pay

Wow, your mum is a piece of work. Send her a fully itemised bill and tell her she's got 28 days to pay. She's good at getting other people's money - now it's your turn to do the same.

I would agree with this - you must demand the money back that she took from you under false pretences - it's bordering on fraud.

My guess is she will be the looser in this - she's likely getting to an age when she's the one likely to need looking after, don't!!!!
Leave her to it - she may cut you out of her will, but I doubt the merry dance she will run you would compensate.

Kim_kim

Just got to the end & saw the update.

Did you get the money she swindled out of you back?

You'll just have to advise your extended family it's really sad she's been robbed & conned by this man, but it's only what she's done to you a year ago & you couldn't possibly have her living in your home.

Thistle-down

It sounds like you are doing the right thing, and I would be tempted to keep the phone off the hook for a long, long time. I have been the subject of horrible and completely untrue rumours gleefully spread by a family member who needs to always be the centre of attention. Trying to defend myself took up too much time and energy, with the accuser thoroughly enjoying the drama and adding more fuel to the fire.

In the end I decided to let people believe what they wanted to believe and just got on with my life, refusing to participate in the drama. It was one of my better decisions, that stress is now gone from my life and I rarely have to see the person who spread the rumours.

Would you be okay not seeing your mother, or would you still like to have some relationship with her? I applaud you for saying no, and hope your family do not fall for your mother's lies. It sounds like she could do with reaping a bit of what she has sown.

Thistle

chesky

Only try to get back the money she owes you if you are a believer in empty gestures. If she ignores your request, you will have to take her to your local small claims court. Can you imagine how this will play out, given your mother's no doubt dramatic ability to turn the story to her advantage.

Inhabit the moral high ground and move on with your life.

BrassicWoman

Elinore,

chances are your family will know what is up soon enough as they are tapped up for money. And any who think you are unkind can prove they are better people by taking mum in.

I'm delighted you are moving into your new place. Stay strong!

xx

Marvel1

For years mu Mum told me and my Sister we were having a lump sum when I was 21 and her 18, something she had set-up when were young, I was a late starter, also like to add she was 18 before I was 21 by 3 months.

Just before my Sister's 18th, my Mum looked into it and was shocked as she thought she set it up, but did not, she was sorry, it did not bother me and I was glad (the way I am).

I saved my own money for my own house - you should do the same.

EDIT: I really should start reading the dates of the first post threads, anyway seen what bumped the thread and can see you did it, well done.

pollypenny

Well done on the saving and on refusing your mother's attempt to leech off you again.

If you are close to one or two members of the family you could tell them the truth. They'll probably remember your delight when she said she'd help you with the deposit and the let down. Heck, they'll remember how you helped her with the car and money.

Stay strong. Have a good future in your new home.