How would you feel? the same or do I need a kick up the rear?

missbiggles1

Have you any proof that this money actually exists or could it just be a fantasy?

[Deleted User]

pelirocco wrote: »

Where does it say she spent it on a fancy car ?

In the opening post

Elinore wrote: »

She assured me the windfall she had received would allow for her to gift this sum yet still be big enough to get her things she wanted (rebuying the same fancy car that got repossessed for example and pay for the house she bought outright)

pollypenny

Oh, you poor thing, Elinore!

You and your OH supported your mother in her trouble, even though you're far from rich, and she does this to you!!!

At The very least she could have given you the money she has spent on her fancy car?

Definitely make it clear that you expect every penny back that you 'lent' her to get her through her troubles.

[Deleted User]

I don't expect a woman who's chased after the inheritance of a divorced spouse to be the most 'sharing' kind (unless she's sharing other peoples money)

Have a kid, then you get to emotionally blackmail her in accessing her grandchild ;-)

paddy's_mum

barbiedoll wrote: »

Your mother may have her cash but [STRIKE]she's lost[/STRIKE] thrown awaysomething much more valuable.

I've taken the liberty of correcting this for you

Chin up, elinore. It's not you that needs a kick in the backside!

lulu_92

Mojisola wrote: »

That's very passive aggressive!

I was thinking that, but I also think it's a cracking response.

SandC

To be fair Elinore said in the first post that she feels a deep sadness rather than anger and that's what is primarily bothering both her and her husband. She feels she is mourning something she never had.

It seems most of us would be feeling anger but in the OPs case I think she feels severely let down. I'm sure these feelings will pass but it does look to me like distancing yourself from your mother will help.

I dunno why but it always says a little to me that when someone comes into money they immediately buy a flash car instead of paying back money they've borrowed to cover bills.

DigForVictory

Blimey, this hurts to read.
Talk first to your husband, whom you chose. If you can get him to understand then you're a long & healthy step towards surviving the longer term.
As for she-who-is-pushing-it, get call monitoring & don't answer the phone for a few days. Same with emails & texts. See if she makes any effort to get in touch & if so, how choosing not to answer feels.

There are those who say cut her out of your life now, or after you've tried to get that money back. I'd suggest that trying to recover that money leaves you open to more pain & that actually keeping a solid distance is to protect you, your OH, your finances & your future dreams.

By all means grieve for the might have been, both house & relationship with mother. Then let them go & get on with planning & scheming needed to get out of the rent trap without her disrupting.

indsty

I really have nothing constructive to add, but I do know how it feels to be given a glimpse of your dream, to almost have it in your hands, and then for it to be snatched away from you. That scenario leaves you with multiple emotions of anger, sadness, disappointment, etc etc.

I hope you manage to focus on the good things in your life - move forward with your OH to build a life that you are in control of and that you can be proud of making. Your mother can be consigned to the background for the time being - the relationship may or may not survive, don't beat yourself up about it, she has made her choices.

dandelionclock30

It wouldn't be the money that I would be upset about it would be my mothers behaviour. She's obviously very spiteful and thinks very little about you do that. Unless she's got dementia or some other mental impairment then there's no excuse for being so nasty.
I don't know how you can go back to being a normal mother and daughter after shes done that. To me it would be more about questioning who my mother really is etc and that would do my head in more than anything to do with money.
Its really sad actually because you will always remember this.