How would you feel? the same or do I need a kick up the rear?

Madmel

Well done both on the impending house move and on staying strong.

IMHO, the reason the extended family are getting so agitated is that they know full well if you don't take in the leaching old bag, they are next on the list. It's in their interest to force you to take her; they are then off the hook for a while...

Muscle750

I havent gone throu all the replies but reading your posts i wonder if she hasnt found herself a nice man who has "advised her" on her financial situation possibly hoping to look after his "best interests". Families thou are funny things. My sister lent our parents some money to buy a property the money was paid back to them and i had it in writing from my parents that it had been repaid, as when anything happened to them the house would be sold and they didnt want any "outstanding" issues. My sister didnt know i had this letter, when the house was sold after sadly they died first thing i was reminded of was the money they had lent them etc . I let it go intially just seeing what would happen, She carried on and much to my surprise when it was finally sorted out she "Suddenly remembered" that the money was repaid and when i said i knew as i had a letter to the effect she went rather quiet. Glad your heading the right direction now anyway

Threebabes

Congratulations on the purchase of your new home.

Bigger congratulations on telling your mother where to go. Stay strong and dont give in.

Primrose

You are obviously and understandablly hurt and upset how things have panned out. This must feel like a real betrayal of family trust.
How do you deal with it?

Well I suggest you let your mother know how much funding her in the past has set back yiur hopes of ever having a family home of your own and then hen , however hard it is, to step right back from the whole issue, lessen your contact with her and if she queries it, tell her that your time and money henceforth is going to be 150% directed towards this aim. Infer this may mean you taking on extra employment, a second job or working extra hours so there will be less tme for contact.

If she has any sort of decency or conscience, she will understand how her decision has affected you. And it will be up to her to decide whether to recompense you or not for your past generosity. Perhaps she genuine overstepped what she felt she could afford as a single divorced person who now has to fund her own future.

From now on thiugh, however disappointed you are, sit down and work out a game plan for trying to work out how you can afford a place of your own nder your own steam. And don't let your mother's needs deflect you from that aim.

PS Have caught up with your wonderful news that you will shortly be moving into your own home at last. You are masters of your own destiny now. Keep it that way. Your mother must take responsibility for herself and no doubt your relatives, if they have any sense, will steer a course that keeps them from any financial involvement.

Laconic

No advice, just applause. If you'll forgive me, to paraphrase the old Mastercard ad:

-Cost of working every hour possible to afford deposit: semi-permanent sleep deprivation
-Cost of surveys, conveyancing, stamp duty and other legal issues: ~ £15k
-Cost of moving, finding furniture, last minute snags, hiccups: seemingly never-ending
- Not being beholden to acquisitive, drama-seeking mother: PRICELESS

For some things, there's money. But integrity and peace of mind just can't be bought. Well done.

liana_y2kuk

I would currently be thanking my lucky stars she never gave you the money for the deposit, you would be stuck with her now.

atolaas

liana_y2kuk wrote: »

I would currently be thanking my lucky stars she never gave you the money for the deposit, you would be stuck with her now.

Seconded!! At least she doesn't have that to hold over you :T

paddy's_mum

Old adage but always relevant.

People who don't know you nor matter to you will believe it.

People who truly know you and matter to you won't believe it.

She, and the next chancer, will bleed you and your family dry, if you allow it. You are all worth far more than your mother will ever grant you.

Good luck.

Kim_kim

liana_y2kuk wrote: »

I would currently be thanking my lucky stars she never gave you the money for the deposit, you would be stuck with her now.

How very true - but I still do think the op is entitled to invoice her mother for the amount she lent her when the mother made out she was hard up.

Laconic

Kim_kim wrote: »

How very true - but I still do think the op is entitled to invoice her mother for the amount she lent her when the mother made out she was hard up.

Entitled to? Yes. Wise? Heck no! If she lets her mother give her a penny, she'll consider it rent. Nope, cheap at the price. Tempted as I would be to prepare one so that she keeps away, she just might pay up if she's desperate and consider it a contract. Better left unmentioned, unpaid and like a line of salt and garlic keeping an emotional vampire at bay.