How would you feel? the same or do I need a kick up the rear?

Kayalana99

It's going to be hard if she is acutally going to be homeless (FYI, if she owns the house that she can sell, why can't she rent with the money? why doesn't she work? Surely she'd get benefits or something to?)

As others have said, once she gets through the door she won't leave. I apprecaite she is your Mother, but it sounds like it's an all give relationship and keeping your foot firming on the ground is the best option. It's easy to be the one trying to guilt trip you to have her in your house - but they aren't offering their homes all the same.

Don't ever doubt yourself, you owe this woman nothing. It doesn't even sound like shes remotely grateful for everything you did for her and when she finally gives you a glimmer of hope that she wants to help you - she ripped it out from under your feet to go live a glamours lifestyle that you essentially contribed to when she needed to find her feet.

Stay strong and enjoy your life - you only live once, you don't and shouldn't have to endure her living under your roof and controlling your life.

DigForVictory

Rousing cheers on your own home & not being beholden to Anyone for that! Takes a lot of work & you've done it!

As for your mother - she too has made her lifestyle choices and can reap the rewards thereof. Those whom she has treated badly need not extend the helping hand.

Your father is a five star hypocrite & as for your family saying you ought, *they* can take on extra jobs, pare their expenses to the bone & save and buy a bigger place & take her on. To a rousing chorus of "not that easy, is it?"

Have a long & happy life, in the house you've worked for & let your family learn for themselves what a unique person their mother is.

cyantist

It’s your decision, no-one should question it and they shouldn’t make you feel bad. But if they keep going on about it, maybe you could consider temporarily renting out your spare room because obviously without the money she promised you, you had to stretch yourselves much further to afford the house, nevermind all the things that you had to go without while saving the deposit (that she originally promised) that you now want to catch up on but can’t really afford to.

I’d rather share my house with a stranger for just a few months than a mother who is that mean for probably the rest of her life.

Or maybe you could sign up to airbnb, just to rent out the room for a couple of nights a month to recoup some of the cash you spent on her rent and car when she was claiming poverty. Even renting out the bedroom two nights a month would prevent anyone living in it permanently. And if no one happens to want to stay in the room, well that's hardly something you can predict is it?

Kaye1

thorsoak wrote: »

My advice? Move - and do not give a new address!

I was thinking the same thing. Good for you- well done for standing your ground!

Elinore

Thanks everyone - this is just a FYI as i am just out the door (i will reply in full later and outline in full the issues below) this is just the short n sweet version.

My Mother will have trouble renting:

She doesn't work. she never has done. She has always been a kept woman and is proud of the fact. She has no workplace skills, cant use a PC. Wont do care work (its dirty) and has never signed on. So no demonstrable way to pay rent.

She has appalling credit rating - they repossed that fancy car.

she has a current case open with the local council for council tax fraud - so i very much doubt they will pay her housing benefit (This was her being silly rather than 'defrauding' but i bet the council don't see it that way.

During the debacle above CAB were helping her out and as they completed the disputed paperwork for her. She knew it was incorrect but she gained a benefit from it so she kept quiet. When it all came to light she threw them under the bus and blamed it on them. So i think she may have burned her bridges there.

Yup, she knows how to rub people up the wrong way!

Ps my Dad is a nice guy, honest. He still has a soft spot for my mum - they were together a very long time. He just wants to see her safe and looked after. His new wife is a nice person too - sadly they live abroad so no joy in getting them to stump up a room (that and my mother loathes his new wife - i mean LOATHES)

full explanation later.

paddy's_mum

Even more reason to keep away - who wants the Police, officialdom, bailiffs etc knocking on the door every five minutes because of someone else's wrongdoing?

There's an uncouth but very pertinent saying that I applied when I abandoned contact with a criminal, selfish close relative 16 years ago.

You can't lay down with pigs and expect to come up smelling of roses!

She has behaved in this fashion for a lifetime and she isn't going to change now. Be very careful that her behaviour doesn't cause waves in your own life that wreck your marriage.

Good luck.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

I genuinely have no frame of reference for this sort of behaviour so it's difficult to give advice.

This woman has lived her life devoid of responsibility, consequence or thought for others; casually creating chaos at every turn. She is basically a destructive, self-centred toddler in an adult body. It's very easy for us on the internet to tell you to cut her out of your life, but realistically and emotionally that is a hard thing to do.

TeamPlum

Looks like your mother has traveled up a certain brown creek and has just lost her paddle!

If you take her in, you'll be the next cab off the rank for keeping her a "kept woman".

Andypandyboy

When they divorced how did she expect to remain a "kept woman"? I assume she got a settlement from your father so if she has been foolish enough to blow that or spend it on toyboys then she has to cope with the fall out.

Let her sell the house and buy a small flat and claim benefits. Then she should look for a job.....

fairy_lights

If she does end up 'homeless' I can imagine there will be a lot more pressure on you to help her out, but stand your ground. Either she will finally grow up, get a job, and start taking responsibility for herself, or she will find herself a new boyfriend to sponge off.