How would you feel? the same or do I need a kick up the rear?

enthusiasticsaver

Fantastic news re the house. Well done.

As for your poor excuse of a mother you owe her nothing. Ignore her as much as you can. She sounds like the sort of person who just thinks of herself and I cannot imagine living with someone like that.

She can sell her house and rent or buy something smaller. You owe her nothing. Did she ever pay you back by the way?

seven-day-weekend

Enjoy your new home and rejoice that you are not financially beholden to your mother in any way :T

You have done the right thing in saying no. You may wish to tell her you will be there to help her move into her new home. Or you may not. Either would be OK.

She appears a very selfish woman.

But the main thing is, you have come out with the moral high ground.

Wishing you happiness for the future.

belfastgirl23

Everything else aside, it's not reasonable for a 58 year old woman to presume she can move in with her daughter and badmouth her if she refuses. Presumably she has p'd off family as well as friends. Just wondering how many of your calls might have been supportive (and for the others, are there relatives worrying they will be stuck with her if you refuse). Stick to your guns OP!

amersall

Brilliant ending,well done Elinor,you go girl:j.
Good job you can choose your friends?;)

Elinore

So i had a surprise 'drop in' from my father and his new wife this morning (they live abroad - so yes a big surprise!)

Apparently the 'family' have discussed this and the long and short of it she has nowhere to go. We are the only couple that have no children (child free by choice)or don't have a elderly relative to look after.

So they have decided she will 'have to' come here as we will have a room 'free' - was told this would be a temporary measure.

I once again put my foot down and totally refused, oh my word you would not believe the emotional blackmail that was brought to bear.

They just kept hammering on that regardless of the issues, regardless of my feelings and regardless they know she can be a nightmare...... she will be homeless shortly.

I still said no.

So my father left stating he was very disappointed in me. I advised that i was disappointed in him - he knows how she can be (when they were getting divorced her behavior was shocking) and to make her my problem, i just wasn't going to have it because as soon as she was here the family would wipe their hands of her.

So i am now feeling terrible. He has made me feel so selfish and petty.

Threebabes

Elinore wrote: »

So i had a surprise 'drop in' from my father and his new wife this morning (they live abroad - so yes a big surprise!)

Apparently the 'family' have discussed this and the long and short of it she has nowhere to go. We are the only couple that have no children (child free by choice)or don't have a elderly relative to look after.

So they have decided she will 'have to' come here as we will have a room 'free' - was told this would be a temporary measure.

I once again put my foot down and totally refused, oh my word you would not believe the emotional blackmail that was brought to bear.

They just kept hammering on that regardless of the issues, regardless of my feelings and regardless they know she can be a nightmare...... she will be homeless shortly.

I still said no.

So my father left stating he was very disappointed in me. I advised that i was disappointed in him - he knows how she can be (when they were getting divorced her behavior was shocking) and to make her my problem, i just wasn't going to have it because as soon as she was here the family would wipe their hands of her.

So i am now feeling terrible. He has made me feel so selfish and petty.

I am speechless. You are an adult and do not answer to your parents. Your dads behavior is deplorable. I feel he probably would rather offload her on you and walk again (again).

Dont feel terrible, feel proud you have stuck to your guns.

You know if she moves in you will never get shot of her.

thorsoak

My advice? Move - and do not give a new address!

elona

Maybe "the family" should all have a whip round to help her?

Not you of course as you have already spent X amount and never been repaid.

Or maybe father and new wife have a spare room

Laconic

The next time they try to pull that 'but faaaamily' nonsense on you, quote to them: "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." You can't help being related to your mother, but your life and the life you are forging with your husband you have chosen and choose to prioritise over her convenience. They've been able to manipulate you in the past and are trying out everything that's worked before. You can feel bad, but don't let that make you do things you will regret and resent long term.

If you're not for turning, eventually your mom will make alternative arrangements. Let your relatives feel as disappointed as they please -- those are their feelings to feel, not yours.

Hang in there.

chesky

I'm speechless with rage on your behalf! What a family!
What on earth does your husband say about such disgusting behaviour?

As far as your mother goes, she's only 58. Tell her to get a job and find her own place. You could even offer to lend her the rental deposit (ironic, not really).