Wife's 30th birthday

Burnthurst

My wife's 30th birthday is in March and she is demanding that I buy her a £1,700 handbag.

A bit of background: We've been married 3.5 years, together nearly 7 years. When we met she had, and still has, quite large debts. Including a student loan and a credit card it is £14,000 (both £7,000)

We were unable to get a mortgage because of my wife's credit rating and history so I have a mortgage with my Dad, this is short term until my wife's CR is better. I paid a debt of £1,300 off for her about 18 months ago and she's only given me a few hundred pounds back.

I earn less than her but kind off don't ask her for much money and literally take care of all the bills so that she can pay off her debts. I have some savings which I keep in an ISA, these are for incase of an emergency i.e we have a flood and the ceiling falls in etc.

My wife is demanding that I use some of my savings to buy her this expensive handbag. I really don't know which way to turn as she constantly lays guilt trips on me, saying that if I loved her I would buy it her. I bought her a fairly expensive bracelet a few years ago after she badgered me to do so and then some expensive charms to go on it but she never wears it. She has a habit of collecting expensive things and then never using them, she already has two Mulberry handbags that just sit in the spare room

The £1,300 I lent her for the debt came from years of saving myself but the fact that she has never made any effort to pay it back without me asking her again and again plays on my mind a lot. I thought I was doing the right thing on that occasion, I can't afford not to be paid back but again she lays on a guilt trip saying that I should have just paid it off for her. It's laughable, I earn below the national average and her much more than me but I'm the only one that has any money ever. If I ever ask her how paying off her debts is going she won't tell me and it results in an argument

I can see this 30th birthday ending in tears. Advice please

PenguinOfDeath

I'm fairly sure there's an obvious present idea here...

Fredula

Your wife should not make you feel pressured to spend that amount of money on her. Who needs a £1700 handbag? Say no.

Fredula

PenguinOfDeath wrote: »

I'm fairly sure there's an obvious present idea here...

Jacobs crackers?

purpleshoes_2

PenguinOfDeath wrote: »

I'm fairly sure there's an obvious present idea here...

Not a terry's chocolate orange.

Lily-Rose_3

purpleshoes wrote: »

Not a terry's chocolate orange.

You took the words right out of my mouth!

Lily-Rose_3

Fredula wrote: »

Your wife should not make you feel pressured to spend that amount of money on her. Who needs a £1700 handbag? Say no.

Agree totally.

OP, your wife is making LUDICROUS demands. She is DEMANDING that you buy her a £1700 handbag?! !!!!!!? :rotfl:

And I think she is being incredibly unfair to expect this of you, especially as you are having to 'carry' her while she pays off her debts.

My GAWD, who does she think she is?! No wonder she is in debt if she thinks £1700 is an acceptable amount to spend on a handbag! I have never spent more than £20 on one in my life! And if I won the lottery, I STILL wouldn't spend any more than that.

Why do some people who are not wealthy, try to live like they are, by buying stupidly expensive things? What are they trying to prove?

TBeckett100

Hmm.

Tough one.

If I am honest, I can't see this working out. If she emotionally blackmailing you and guilt tripping you into buying expensive items then I'm afraid you have two choices

1) you buy her the bag and it gathers dust. She'll be happy for a few days and then she'll want something else

2) you don't buy it for her and she throws a hissy

I suspect you should go with option 2. If she reacts badly then it may be time for you to consider if this girl is with you out of love or whether she values perception more

Truth is she isn't happy with her lot and wants to have something to show off. There may be trouble ahead

Is she actually reducing her debt or just spending it? May be time for a heart to heart to confront this issue. If she isn't paying down her debt and is watching you pay all the bills then she is taking the proverbial and you need to question whether she is committed to a secure future with you

Poppie68

Set yourself an affordable limit and get the best gift you can within your budget, whats the worst she's going to do...sulk? In the meantime leave the bills lying around to remind her there are more important things to spend £1700 on.

Running_On_Empty

Do not buy the bag. This is only the next 'thing' in a very long line of 'things' that you must buy her, stretching as far as the eye can see.
Sounds as if she has some sort of mental disorder that involves buying stuff that she thinks will make her feel better about herself.
Run a mile.

Lily-Rose_3

tbeckett100 wrote: »

hmm.

Tough one.

If i am honest, i can't see this working out. If she emotionally blackmailing you and guilt tripping you into buying expensive items then i'm afraid you have two choices

1) you buy her the bag and it gathers dust. She'll be happy for a few days and then she'll want something else

2) you don't buy it for her and she throws a hissy

i suspect you should go with option 2. If she reacts badly then it may be time for you to consider if this girl is with you out of love or whether she values perception more

truth is she isn't happy with her lot and wants to have something to show off. There may be trouble ahead

is she actually reducing her debt or just spending it? May be time for a heart to heart to confront this issue. If she isn't paying down her debt and is watching you pay all the bills then she is taking the proverbial and you need to question whether she is committed to a secure future with you

poppie68 wrote: »

set yourself an affordable limit and get the best gift you can within your budget, whats the worst she's going to do...sulk? In the meantime leave the bills lying around to remind her there are more important things to spend £1700 on.

running_on_empty wrote: »

do not buy the bag. This is only the next 'thing' in a very long line of 'things' that you must buy her, stretching as far as the eye can see.
Sounds as if she has some sort of mental disorder that involves buying stuff that she thinks will make her feel better about herself.
Run a mile.

All of the above ^^^ :T