Wife's 30th birthday

Old_Git

Gloomendoom wrote: »

My wife once bought me a car for my birthday.

was it on credit ,and did you pay her £80 a week for it .

Gloomendoom

Old_Git wrote: »

was it on credit ,and did you pay her £80 a week for it .

Err... not exactly. I think she used her debit card.

Nice car too.

Burnthurst

OP here,

I can't reply to all the questions so will just reply to the most relevant.

No we don't have a joint bank account and like I think itsanne said, we won't have one until my wife has paid off her debts etc.

I don't agree that because I'm married I'm now responsible for my wife's debts that she ran up as a nineteen year old with 2/3 credit cards. I've already tried to help in paying £1,300 and yes I do want/expect/need that money back.
There will be certain people that think that I should just pay off the debts, I disagree for a number of reasons and will not be doing so. Firstly I can't afford to wipe out my savings and secondly what message does that send out? Run up big debts and somebody else will pay them off for you

The reason I mentioned in the first post about not being able to get a mortgage with my wife because of her bad CR is because my Dad will be at an age soon where he won't be able to continue on the joint mortgage with me. Therefore my savings may be needed to reduce the amount of money I've borrowed and me have a mortgage on my own if my wife's CR is still not good enough

This is one of, if not the, main reason my savings are so important. The other option will be to sell the house if we can't get a joint mortgage or possibly her Mum replaces my Dad on the shared mortgage

The very first time the expensive handbag was mentioned I told her no, I've told her no probably five times now. I'm happy to contribute to it and selling the two Mulberry's has been considered

I am going to really try and find out how the paying off of the debts is going. I'm told it's a monthly direct debit of X amount each month but if I ever do so much as to even ask about it my wife starts getting incredibly defensive and an argument will erupt within seconds of me asking. I think I have a right to know esp as I'm paying the bills in the meantime to give my wife some breathing space and to pay the debt off

Originally she had asked for a £300 Mulberry purse which I was considering buying then out of nowhere the £1,700 handbag appeared. She said she's wanted it since she was sixteen but it has never been mentioned until a few weeks back

For the record my car cost £800

Thank you for the advice esp itsanne, you speak alot of sense. I won't be replying again, four pages of advice is more than enough so I will just thank the people who replied with sensible comments and yes this is just a username for this one question

I will sit my wife down, explain that the handbag is out of the question and that I will be happy to contribute to it and take her out for a nice meal instead. I'll also put her other handbags on ebay for her if she likes. I also plan to try and find out exactly what she still needs to pay off of the £7,000 as I want to try and see a mortgage advisor in the next few months

keith969

I have to say, Burnthurst, that you are doing the right thing in refusing to buy her a £1700 bag. Does she think she is a wag? Is there some sort of competition from 'friends' to look the poshest? And you mention she has not one but TWO Mulberry bags!

If it were me, I would divorce her asap, but not before getting good legal advice as she's sure to try and get what isn't hers... This situation will only go on, she has a serious disorder and without help it will not get better. Get out while you can.

HOWMUCH

This is why your wife is in debt because she is wanting things that she can not afford. Her student loan money will be getting deducted from her wage (if she earns enough). If you give in this time what will it be next time?

pickledonionspaceraider

Tell her to jog on. Jayzus she sounds high maintenance

tesuhoha

goggle wrote: »

Mrs: "If you loved me you would buy me the handbag"
Mr: "If you loved me, you'd respect me and the fact that I am doing my best to provide for this family on a very limited income, by getting a handle on those debts and being honest about it. When your debt is clear I'll buy you the handbag!"

I think respect is the key word here. Sit her down and tell her that she has absolutely no respect for you or what you are trying to achieve. My husband said that to me once and it utterly floored me.

As for the handbag its probably a bit of tat that will be worth nothing in a very short time.

Soleil_lune

Out of curiosity OP, was as your wife a high maintenance diva when you met her?

If so, why did you marry her?

If not, then at what point did she become the person she is now?

SavingPennies_2

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Err... not exactly. I think she used her debit card.

Nice car too.

This was a joke in reference to a previous recent post

SavingPennies_2

Old_Git wrote: »

was it on credit ,and did you pay her £80 a week for it .

Sorry should have quoted this to make more sense!