My OH is in hospital in intensive care

RuthnJasper

Great to read of the progress thus far Victory. I totally understand how frustrating it can be (bit like wading through treacle, I suppose) - but amazing, considering the wretched state the poor man was in not so long ago.

Still thinking of you and your family; you're amazing. xx

victory

RuthnJasper wrote: »

Great to read of the progress thus far Victory. I totally understand how frustrating it can be (bit like wading through treacle, I suppose) - but amazing, considering the wretched state the poor man was in not so long ago.

Still thinking of you and your family; you're amazing. xx

Thanks:) OH has been a very good patient, he knows that eventually once we keep getting over all these hurdles that he will be able to continue with life as he knew it:D it is his internal injuries that are holding the recovery back, from the outside he looks normal, has a few cuts,grazes and bruises, internally with the impact, well that is a whole different set of problems.

Rest, meds and more rest should do it, in time he should be as near as fully mended as can be expected from such a crash.:)

duchy

I think you're amazing too
I know first hand how frustrating it is when doctors say they simply don't know and can't give time scales - as someone else said - wading through treacle. So frustrating and wearing.

You're a star Victory

heartbreak_star

I'm in absolute awe of the strength shown by you both, and am glad OH is being a good patient...I'm not so sure I would be

Lots of love to you!

HBS x

victory

heartbreak_star wrote: »

I'm in absolute awe of the strength shown by you both, and am glad OH is being a good patient...I'm not so sure I would be

Lots of love to you!

HBS x

Thank you and duchy

OH has been excellent, he admitted that he has bee severely bored, fed up, frustrated at his now limitations but he also said that if he puts the time in eventually it will be over. OH has now become a worrier, never was one and now he tells me often he lies awake at night just worrying about silly stuff like will DS get a high grade for his homework or in a film will they be ok, just silly stuff and that was never the case before the accident, he always used to say that worry is pointless and whatever happens happens and not to bother spending time worrying about niff naff and trivia but now look at him:)

OH has put his worry head to good use, now thanks to it we have all the paper work in one place, life insurance, pension plans, mortgage, etc, etc, just like Martin Lewis said on his show the other night (thanks Martin:D) I am sure I would have found it along the way but OH says he feels better if the entire who to call, is in one place.

I am fully aware of every password, phone number, which company to call, who to call first, and that cannot be a bad thing.:)

Even eldest has been told of where it is and how to go about things incase anything happens to both of us.

OH has been talking a lot about funerals, expenses, pensions, donor cards, cremations, who to contact quite a lot recently, all very useful and obvious everyone needs to talk about it and make plans and have all the paper work in place but it is also not very nice.

Hopefully once he feels a bit more settled and the RTA and it's injuries are further behind him he will not need to worry and have to talk about the what if's so much.

At the hospital we did nothing but talk about death and dying with all the CCU, family talking about it, consultants talking about it and now OH talks a lot about it, sunnier days coming soon hopefully.:)

I was asleep the other day and OH decided to try to cope alone and have a wash/shave, I woke up to OH not there and had this almighty fear that he had gone, collapsed and I was that selfish I had fallen asleep and left him to his own devices, I am sure it is to do with one day your life is just nothing and the next it is full on adrenalin where I am being told by the CCU that my OH will not make it, 4 times.

That needs to settle, that is a hindrance, life has to move on with no fear from me and worry from him, emotions are too highly sensitive at the moment, a life cannot be conducted on such high charge.

OH has sort of stalled on his recovery, the bleeding has stopped, it came back but stopped but then he had the stomach issues again but that settled again, energy wise, he has lost a lot of that when he decided to go for a wash/shave alone and writes of his entire day, that is where it gets complicated, do you tell him off for trying and causing himself more uncomfortableness and having to rest even more or do you praise him for trying and he himself has to take his lack of energy from over exhursion as his own ?
He is not to be treated as a child, he is not now made of china, he has his own mind and should know what he can and cannot do.
Difficult one.

We shall see what they say on friday, OH already knows that he cannot go back to work yet and he is estimating another 6 weeks or so but that is just his guesstimate.

Mojisola

victory wrote: »

He is not to be treated as a child, he is not now made of china, he has his own mind and should know what he can and cannot do.
Difficult one.

From experience of being in that position with ME, sometimes you really want to take control of some tiny bit of your life, even if it means you can't do anything else for the rest of the day.

If getting washed and shaved by himself makes him feel good about himself, leave him to it.

Other times, you might suggest that, as there's something happening or someone visiting later in the day, you could help him in the morning so that he's well enough to cope later on.

Get him to think about his energy like money - if he only has £1's worth of energy to spend each day, he has to choose wisely where it's spent.

As he improves, that will increase to £5, £10 even £100 and he'll be able to do loads more things.:)

victory

Mojisola wrote: »

From experience of being in that position with ME, sometimes you really want to take control of some tiny bit of your life, even if it means you can't do anything else for the rest of the day.

If getting washed and shaved by himself makes him feel good about himself, leave him to it.

Other times, you might suggest that, as there's something happening or someone visiting later in the day, you could help him in the morning so that he's well enough to cope later on.

Get him to think about his energy like money - if he only has £1's worth of energy to spend each day, he has to choose wisely where it's spent.

As he improves, that will increase to £5, £10 even £100 and he'll be able to do loads more things.:)

Thank you, it is a difficult one because I am not wanting to come across as a know all, as his mother, as a carer, as being difficult but like the eg of the shave, if you know it is going to wipe you out for the rest of the day, I feel either ask for help or leave it for another day, but yes I also know that having a wash makes anyone feel better, cleaner and more in control, I do like the £££ idea, OH did say to me that he was ever so grateful the in laws did not come back down again because he just wanted to sit and sleep and not have anything to worry about and have to be awake or for them to feel as if they had to fuss.

OH said he just wanted to be left alone, he also said that he thinks he can do it, he tries to do it and then knows he cannot but at least that way I suppose he can reach his own balance between realising what he can do and having to ask, no one wants to ask, he is fully aware that I am available 24/7 and have no problem with whatever he needs to have done but he is a man, was an independent, free man and now he feels trapped within his not working to it's full potential body.

OH has been very patient, he is a very intelligent man that knows this will get better, hopefully friday he gets good news and an idea of when.

Mojisola

victory wrote: »

OH said he just wanted to be left alone, he also said that he thinks he can do it, he tries to do it and then knows he cannot but at least that way I suppose he can reach his own balance between realising what he can do and having to ask, no one wants to ask, he is fully aware that I am available 24/7 and have no problem with whatever he needs to have done but he is a man, was an independent, free man and now he feels trapped within his not working to it's full potential body.

OH has been very patient, he is a very intelligent man that knows this will get better, hopefully friday he gets good news and an idea of when.

It's very hard to adapt - although the focus is on his physical health at the moment, keep in mind that chatting with others who have been in his position (there's plenty of forums out there) could be helpful for his mental state. It can be very therapeutic to be able to rant to people in the same position about what you're going through rather than take it out on those around who are doing their best to help.

torbrex

It's good that he is feeling the urge to do things for himself, that means recovery should be quicker even though it may not seem like that when he is exhausted after a wash & shave.

Does he have access to a laptop?
Perhaps some online puzzles or games to keep his mind occupied for an hour or two each day.

You never mention about his eating, any progress in that direction?

victory

torbrex wrote: »

It's good that he is feeling the urge to do things for himself, that means recovery should be quicker even though it may not seem like that when he is exhausted after a wash & shave.

Does he have access to a laptop?
Perhaps some online puzzles or games to keep his mind occupied for an hour or two each day.

You never mention about his eating, any progress in that direction?

Yes there is progress, he eats normal foods now not the powder supplements stuff but never eats like you and I, breakfast, lunch and dinner and maybe some snacks/fruit in between, he eats one thing and seems to not want to eat again if left to his own devices probably until the next day , I suppose he needs prompting as his stomach has not been right and he says he does not want to eat much as he seems to loose it to the other end:o he has definetly not gained anywhere near the amount of weight he lost, his neck is still very crinckly, I reckon they will weigh him on friday.