My OH is in hospital in intensive care

Brighton_belle

victory wrote: »

The inlaws are staying until they move OH, how long that will be no one seems to know, it changes every day, they are exhausted though, nan has gone for a lie down already, not feeling very well. All the trauma of the week catching up.

Oh Victory, poor you, poor them. I think the fact they didn't go either in the end may show that their initial 'shock' that you said you wouldn't go was partly them seeing you as a their rock at the hospital and also maybe it just didn't occur to them that they could rest for a day.
You must all be exhausted. You know your husband would be telling you to rest as much as you can if he could don't you.

victory

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Oh Victory, poor you, poor them. I think the fact they didn't go either in the end may show that their initial 'shock' that you said you wouldn't go was partly them seeing you as a their rock at the hospital and also maybe it just didn't occur to them that they could rest for a day.
You must all be exhausted. You know your husband would be telling you to rest as much as you can if he could don't you.

They took wednesday off this week, they said to me they just could not do the trip again and so eldest and I went, youngest at school, they went thursday and friday , well sunday when they go here and mon and tuesday, not wednesday, thursday and friday and not today and they say they are not going tomorrow, eldest and youngest and I are going tomorrow and anyone else that goes.

It has truly been the longest day today.

peachyprice

Victory, please don't feel guilty for taking one day off, your OH will have very little awareness of days passing, they will all just be rolling in to one, he won't be lying there thinkig 'Why hasn't Mrs.V been today' he won't even realise it's a different day to yesterday.

You need to look after yourself, you're the cement holding everything together, if you don't stop and take a breather for yourself the whole thing collapses. Nobody but nobody would think badly of you for missing one gruelling day.

TiddlyPom

duchy wrote: »

Nice idea but Victory has a son who is going to school every day so not awfully practical- she needs to be at home. I agree these types of places can be a godsend but often arent useful to people who also have other responsibilities.

Yes, of course. It just occurred to me today when I was driving.

Along with all others, Victory, I wish you and your family all the best. You've had some excellent advice here. At the moment, just keep putting one foot in front of the other and there will come a time when all this is behind you, and your lovely family will all be well and back together again. I wish for that time to be soon.

mum2one

i'm sorry to ask, I know the inlaws are staying till he comes out of the worse, but are they any help to you, i notice they didnt go to the hospital today, surely they could have gone today??

You did the best thing taking today out, even if your catching up on housework or the post, it is as much the mental rest as the physical rest...

I know for me the days that we had off, there felt like a 1001 things needed doing at home, usually for me it was the supermarket shop or into town to pay bills, there was times when I went back and laid on the bed for 40 winks, mid afternoon.

I wish there had of been accomodation close to the hospital where dad was, even 1 night would have been a godsend, we had an extra week there, by then he was moved to hdu on the friday, the ward on the sat as we were coming home, or us it took some pressure off the situ.

As for timescales - there change all the time, i guess a lot will depend on what happens as and when.

This might not be the conversation you want to have, but have you asked the boys what they want to do about Christmas, even i its baked beans on toast. as for friends and family, no one will expect you to do christmas.

Please try and get some rest, its a long haul journey, and no one wants you burning out xx

RuthnJasper

victory wrote: »

Thank you for all the support, I have felt some proper sick feeling guilt today and have been very on edge all day but never went, for me not going the inlaws chose not to go, rang the hospital and they said that he was in and out, having all sorts of tests, was suffering bad with his pain management control, very restless and aggresive and that there was nothing we could do.

My eldest is taking me tomorrow with youngest and anyone else to go.

Good girl for standing by your decision. x Glad to hear that eldest is visiting tomorrow also. Are the Police still on at you? I hope they are giving you space.

Sleep well tonight poppet, if you can. Every blessing, Ruth and Gisele xx

Mojisola

mum2one wrote: »

i'm sorry to ask, I know the inlaws are staying till he comes out of the worse, but are they any help to you, i notice they didnt go to the hospital today, surely they could have gone today??

After making you feel guilty for not going, I don't know how they then had the nerve not to go themselves!

If they are still at your house, couldn't they do the school run one morning so that you can stay in a relatives' room at the hospital?

mellymoo74

Mojisola wrote: »

After making you feel guilty for not going, I don't know how they then had the nerve not to go themselves!

If they are still at your house, couldn't they do the school run one morning so that you can stay in a relatives' room at the hospital?

That's a really good idea it might help with the tiredness travelling really takes it out of you on top of the stress.

TBeckett100

Good decision not to go. You'll be better company if you arrive a little more relaxed and less tired. Don't let the in laws pressure you. They don't have a home life to manage to the extent you do

troubleinparadise

It strikes me that all of you are under incredible stress and strain right now.

Your in-laws are in their 80's, have driven a long way to get to you in the first place, and are worried sick about their son.

You are juggling being wife, mum and DIL, also worried sick about your OH and everything else - children, house, food, Xmas, money, jobs..... And on and on.

Your OH is being looked after 24/7, and it sounds as though gentle progress is being made, although the next steps are a bit unclear just now.

Being at his side constantly isn't vital for his welfare, but of course brings you all comfort. In all honesty, he is still too unwell to really appreciate it, nor does he need you to be advocates for him, or provide company and occupation just yet.

So take a step or two back, and just do what you can safely and physically manage.

This will be a long journey getting him back to good health, and you all need to preserve your strength and your own good health to cope. Your world has been hit by its own personal tsunami, and you need to all look after yourselves to give him the support he will continue to need for an unknown amount of time, and support each other too.