My OH is in hospital in intensive care

duchy

My OH's Mum is in her eighties (we lost his Dad earlier this year) and I think they too would want to be there - not because they could be useful but because they couldn't bear NOT to be there....if that makes any sense. This will be taking a terrible toll on them too so I wouldn't expect help from them -and as OH is improving it might be worth suggesting they take a break at home for a few days and then come back again.

They may be so knackered they agree !!

harrys_nan

Hi victory, how are you all today?

victory

harrys_nan wrote: »

Hi victory, how are you all today?

Morning, the inlaws are coming up to there 80's not in there 80's, wrong writing there but either way they are quite elderly and having a lot of trouble with it all.

They are not coming in today, they want to go home but don't want to because of where there son is, they want to start xmas, open up their house, sort xmas but they can't.

victory

duchy wrote: »

My OH's Mum is in her eighties (we lost his Dad earlier this year) and I think they too would want to be there - not because they could be useful but because they couldn't bear NOT to be there....if that makes any sense. This will be taking a terrible toll on them too so I wouldn't expect help from them -and as OH is improving it might be worth suggesting they take a break at home for a few days and then come back again.

They may be so knackered they agree !!

Yes that is pretty much it, they can't do the trip, they came from a long way to get here to do a daily trip which takes 4-6 hours to do daily depending on traffic and cannot do it, they are taking today off.

They want to stay here within the area here incase anything happens, nan says she just cannot and will not sit at home close to 300 miles away waiting by the phone and then they have to do the trip again, they want to go back home but can't at the moment .

victory

I invited them for xmas but they say no, they have their ways and routines and ways so want to go home and be at home, tomorrow we have a CCU team meeting for an update, progress report on OH they say they want to be there for that and take their departure from there.

thorsoak

That sounds sensible, Victory. I would suggest that you talk to your boys about the possibility of postponing Christmas until Dad is out of hospital - although I suppose oldest might go to his g/fs, neither of them are really going to be in the Christmas spirit, just as Christmas must be the last thing you really want to think about just now.

Take care of yourself - I mean that!

victory

mum2one wrote: »

i'm sorry to ask, I know the inlaws are staying till he comes out of the worse, but are they any help to you, i notice they didnt go to the hospital today, surely they could have gone today??

You did the best thing taking today out, even if your catching up on housework or the post, it is as much the mental rest as the physical rest...

I know for me the days that we had off, there felt like a 1001 things needed doing at home, usually for me it was the supermarket shop or into town to pay bills, there was times when I went back and laid on the bed for 40 winks, mid afternoon.

I wish there had of been accomodation close to the hospital where dad was, even 1 night would have been a godsend, we had an extra week there, by then he was moved to hdu on the friday, the ward on the sat as we were coming home, or us it took some pressure off the situ.

As for timescales - there change all the time, i guess a lot will depend on what happens as and when.

This might not be the conversation you want to have, but have you asked the boys what they want to do about Christmas, even i its baked beans on toast. as for friends and family, no one will expect you to do christmas.

Please try and get some rest, its a long haul journey, and no one wants you burning out xx

Yes they cook, no they are just too emotionally and physically drained to go to the hospital again, it is the traffic, the driving, the night concentration driving, the consultants, they are finding it very hard to cope with it all and so have decided to not visit until the CCU meeting tomorrow, then we will all know how long, when they will move him, what physio he needs, his pain management etc etc.

xmas is not important to me , fortunately if that is the correct word, xmas was pretty much done and dusted, wrapped up etc before this happened, cards to be sent, food to get in, the tree is up, kids have been told if we have xmas in the hospital that is where we shall be.

Had a phone call from one of OH friend just found out, shame, that is just the way it is, must have forgot, didn't really use the address book A-Z to get everyone informed.

Spent a long time on the phone yesterday, updating, answering people, them saying it will be fine, some time with youngest trying to talk about something else rather than OH all the time, the inlaws were pretty much asleep or reading and went off to bed early. I put some washes on, nothing much.

victory

thorsoak wrote: »

That sounds sensible, Victory. I would suggest that you talk to your boys about the possibility of postponing Christmas until Dad is out of hospital - although I suppose oldest might go to his g/fs, neither of them are really going to be in the Christmas spirit, just as Christmas must be the last thing you really want to think about just now.

Take care of yourself - I mean that!

Thank you, the kids know what is happening and xmas yes eldest gf probably just me and youngest and it will be fine.

victory

RuthnJasper wrote: »

Good girl for standing by your decision. x Glad to hear that eldest is visiting tomorrow also. Are the Police still on at you? I hope they are giving you space.

Sleep well tonight poppet, if you can. Every blessing, Ruth and Gisele xx

The police have stopped simply because the policeman in charge of the case is on his annual holiday before the xmas rush and he told me to expect a call sometime next week

harrys_nan

What happened to ur hubby victory, if you don't want to say don't worry.
Whatever it is, it is something beyond your control, and you are being brilliant, give your self a big pat on the back, take care xx