Giving my husband all my money?

Morglin

Mojisola wrote: »

Not if you're in a good relationship.

I've had to rely financially on my OH for years because of my poor health - he wouldn't dream of making me account for what I spend or of keeping the bulk of what he earns!

Well, perhaps...but there is nothing like being financially independent.

We share everything (both in poor health) but i prefer it that I worked, when i could, and made provision for when i couldn't......i must be an ageing feminist lol

And, if you are in good health, it always makes sense to make sure you can support yourself, because it doesn't matter how long you have been married, it can go pear shaped.....I was married over 30 years before mine went belly up!

Lin

Hedgehog99

Other PPs have suggested ways to split the household income between the two of you.

You seriously need money in your own name, preferably from your own job.

If you each have a personal bank account into which wages are paid, you can then have a joint account into which you both pay standing orders in the proportion you have agreed. This joint account then covers joint expenditure: household bills, childcare, mortgage and food, with receipts/invoices kept to prove honest use.

Money remaining in each of your personal accounts is for personal costs such as your own car insurance, petrol & personal spending.

Saying you can use his card any time is controlling and against the bank rules, as PPs have said.

Don't have children with this guy while your relationship is in this state.

fairy_lights

jaydeeuk1 wrote: »

An alternative is get something like a moneybookers or paypal card (costs £10 a year) and your husband can load money on to it each month, still see what is spent where but at least gives you some freedom.

IMO that wouldn't be a much better arrangement, I think it's very controlling of her husband to need to see where all of the OP's money is spent.

sulphate

willysmum wrote: »

My older childrens father whom i was with for 13 years just trusted me to pay the bills and buy what i needed from our joint account, he wasnt interested in the money as long as the bills got paid.
My husband is 43 and as weve only been married for 4 months it is a new arrangement as before my money was mine until we got married. My son is not biologically his and his daughter is not biologically mine, we have been together coming up for 3 years.

You said in an earlier post the two children are 4 and 6, who is who? Does his daughter live with you full-time? If so, does your husband get maintenance from her mother?

millysg1

Your situation is not a good one OP.
I do wish you the best with having that conversation with your OH later.

It has to be fair. Me and my OH have the same pocket money each which we can spend as we individually see fit and the other one has no say on what we spend it on. The rest of the money goes on bills and anything left over goes into savings where we both agree on what it gets spent on, i.e. holiday, house work, furniture etc etc.

You need to have financial understand on your whole incoming and outgoing. You can always explain it to your OH that if there is an emergency or he is stuck in hospital, you need to know what bills need paying and have full access to everything.

I think both partys should agree what gets saved, what goes on bills and what is "pocket Money".

pickledonionspaceraider

You are letting your OH run your life

He doesn't want you to work, he doesn't want you to have money - what does he want? a wife that secretly resents him

Mojisola

Morglin wrote: »

Well, perhaps...but there is nothing like being financially independent.

We share everything (both in poor health) but i prefer it that I worked, when i could, and made provision for when i couldn't......i must be an ageing feminist lol

Nothing I'd disagree with there.

We share everything too. Because my OH works fulltime he brings in the bulk of our income now. Ever since we got together, we considered everything earned by us to be family money.

I can't imagine staying with someone like the OP's husband who wants an unpaid housekeeper who will also sleep with him!

MrsSave

A marriage should have 2 equals. I earn more than my husband, but all our money goes into a joint account. Once we've taken out money for bills/savings/food etc, we both get an equal amount in our personal accounts to spend as we please.

You don't sound happy only 4 months into your marriage. You shouldn't have to ask for money to treat your children, you should be able to get a hair cut or your nails done if you wanted and there was enough money available.

Beware, as well, as others have said about paying back the tax credits as well. You may be landed with a nice bill there!

maman

Hedgehog99 wrote: »

Other PPs have suggested ways to split the household income between the two of you.

You seriously need money in your own name, preferably from your own job.

If you each have a personal bank account into which wages are paid, you can then have a joint account into which you both pay standing orders in the proportion you have agreed. This joint account then covers joint expenditure: household bills, childcare, mortgage and food, with receipts/invoices kept to prove honest use.

Money remaining in each of your personal accounts is for personal costs such as your own car insurance, petrol & personal spending.

Saying you can use his card any time is controlling and against the bank rules, as PPs have said.

Don't have children with this guy while your relationship is in this state.

The problem is that I can't see why this man would want to agree proportions that reflect income. I may be wrong but is OP likely to earn a similar amount to him. It's likely that if all the household essentials are paid jointly (as they are now), he'll still have far more disposable income. he's unlikely to want to share it when he takes on even more bills when the tax credits that OP 'earns' stop.


It's very difficult to know what to advise. OP has put herself in a very vulnerable position as she has no job and living with him means she'll lose her tax credits. I don't recall whose home they live in or whether they've bought one between them. I reminds me of another thread a couple of days ago with someone wanting to move in with their new boyfriend and just about everyone said you've got too much to lose.


Surely this guy must have some good points otherwise why did you marry him just 4 months ago?

RuthnJasper

I find the man's attitude in this situation extremely worrying. The lack of respect and consideration for his wife is appalling, as is his laughter at her attempts to stick up for herself.

Hope willysmum will be OK and that he doesn't turn even nastier.
If it does go badly, I hope these links are helpful (Mojisola has already posted the link for WomensAid):

http://www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/help-for-women/recognising-abuse/

http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/

I'm guessing the frog is a rare exotic one - a full starter kit plus the beast itself probably doesn't leave much change from £250...

Take care of yourself, OP. There is only one of you and you deserve to be respected and treated fairly.

Very best wishes. x