Giving my husband all my money?

j.e.j.

willysmum wrote: »

All replies have been very helpful, i did ask my mums advice a while back and she basically said that its unfair, just wanted some other opinions.
not sure who the convo will go as my husband doesnt think theres anything wrong and says he cant be expected to pay everything.

If you work solely in the home then he will have to pay everything. That's the nature of the traditional arrangement. Woman looks after the house and children, man goes out to work and gives his wife housekeeping money.

I can't see even 1950s housewives putting up with what you're putting up with, to be honest.

You need to both do a budget and give yourself an allowance of some sort. As for £250 on a frog.... what on earth?? :rotfl:

thriftylass

willysmum wrote: »

All replies have been very helpful, i did ask my mums advice a while back and she basically said that its unfair, just wanted some other opinions.
not sure who the convo will go as my husband doesnt think theres anything wrong and says he cant be expected to pay everything.

Well, if he would let you work he wouldn't have to. He wants you stay at home to look after the kids, fair enough, but then he needs to be prepared to look after you financially. You're his wife not his free servant. It goes in circles. You don't earn money because he won't let you, he can't spend then loads of money on just himself.

I agree with the poster that suggested to let him know how much you "save" him in childcare costs. And ask him what happens when the WTC stops (as I suspect they will based on his income). Are you meant to have nothing? How do you pay anything for the kids (uniforms etc.) How is the grocery shopping done, does he give you an "allowance" for that?

babymoo

willysmum wrote: »

All replies have been very helpful, i did ask my mums advice a while back and she basically said that its unfair, just wanted some other opinions.
not sure who the convo will go as my husband doesnt think theres anything wrong and says he cant be expected to pay everything.

Tell him you totally agree which is why you will be getting a job so that he doesn't have to give you his bank card and you can have your own financial independance.

Best of luck and I am afraid I agree with the previous posters, I'd not be a very happy lady if my DP even tried to tell me that all my money was to go to him and left me with a fraction of what I get a month.

littlegreenparrot

willysmum wrote: »

All replies have been very helpful, i did ask my mums advice a while back and she basically said that its unfair, just wanted some other opinions.
not sure who the convo will go as my husband doesnt think theres anything wrong and says he cant be expected to pay everything.

There are two options here:
If you want to work, you look for work - then you can contribute financially.

You continue your current arrangement (only with him being less controlling over it). You look after children/house, he pays bills.

You can't be expected to contribute financially if you don't have an income - even more ridiculous when he's taking the position that you shouldn't work.
It might be worth finding out what the childcare costs for the two children would be, plus the cost of a cleaner every week. It might be easier for him to get the point if you attach a financial value to your contribution (I know it's not ideal, but if he's not getting it might help drive it home)

I would also suggest you decide beforehand what you would consider to be fair/reasonable and stick to it. If he is manipulative/abusive he will try to keep the money (the power basically) and convince you your being stupid and unreasonable. That is not true.
I hope it goes well.

rpc

babymoo wrote: »

Tell him you totally agree which is why you will be getting a job so that he doesn't have to give you his bank card and you can have your own financial independance. .

But by the way he'll have to cook his own food, wash his own socks and iron his own shirts (if those are things that OP does just now).

Alternatively, seeing as he is very money-minded, send him an invoice for the chores that you where he doesn't do an equivalent. That is the value you add as a SAHP.

I'm very much in the "put all income in one joint account and treat it as ours" camp (I'm male and earn more than my wife) but that doesn't work for everyone.

Indie_Kid

willysmum wrote: »

not sure who the convo will go as my husband doesnt think theres anything wrong and says he cant be expected to pay everything.

How would he feel if the roles were reversed?

Morglin

willysmum wrote: »

Sorry if this is in the wrong place but just after some opinions
My husband is self employed and on good money (approx £600+ a week) we dont have a joint account and the rent and majority of the bills go out of his account. I dont work.
Each month i get £600 tax credits and £54.20 child benefit, the tax credits is alot for this year as last year he only worked for 5 months. He gets the higher rate child benefit of £80 a month into his account as we have a child each living with us.
i have just under £170 of direct debits coming out of my account each month and have to give him £400 for my share of the bills obviously leaving me £30 for the month. I have an older daughter at uni who occassionally i would like to treat and another daughter who lives with her dad.
my husband says i can have his bank card whenever i want but if i do spend anything he wants to know to the penny what ive spent, just wondered if what i give him is reasonable? Thank you

Get a job, and then you can spend as you choose, within your budget..

If you rely on anyone else, then you have to explain yourself - not good.

Lin

Mojisola

Morglin wrote: »

Get a job, and then you can spend as you choose, within your budget..

If you rely on anyone else, then you have to explain yourself - not good.

Not if you're in a good relationship.

I've had to rely financially on my OH for years because of my poor health - he wouldn't dream of making me account for what I spend or of keeping the bulk of what he earns!

littlegreenparrot

OP, can I suggest you look at another thread that's currently running - "How do you know they love you?"

It's lovely, and heart warming.

I mention it because the common thread in the responses is that people do things just because they can, because they know it'll make you happy. There is no account in one or others favour, and it is secure.

You deserve to have someone that understands that, and I sincerely hope your current partner is prepared to step up to provide it.

jaydeeuk1

My wife doesn't work and now expecting our 2nd but I pay her a decent amount each month as mortgage, council tax, gas and electric are in her name and bank details, but it leaves her £500 or so to spend/save as she wishes (i pay for food, cars, pension and house stuff etc) although at moment she is also receiving maternity allowance. Even then she feels guilty about spending 'my' money even though I keep telling her to treat it was a wage.

An alternative is get something like a moneybookers or paypal card (costs £10 a year) and your husband can load money on to it each month, still see what is spent where but at least gives you some freedom.