Giving my husband all my money?

lovinituk

The OP doesn't appear to have acknowledged they will eventually be receiving no tax credits (based on income) and will be expected to pay back much, if not all, of what is currently being received.

Will hubby help to pay it back? What will OP do when they effectively have no income?

trailingspouse

I don't agree that the OP should be able to have her nails done or treat her children. But she should be in a position to make her own informed decision as to whether she can afford to do these things.

maman

trailingspouse wrote: »

I don't agree that the OP should be able to have her nails done or treat her children. But she should be in a position to make her own informed decision as to whether she can afford to do these things.

I'd agree.


What bothers me about this thread is that everyone seems to be making the assumption that OP and her husband should split their money (soon to become just his money) 50:50. The husband obviously feels that he works hard for his money while OP stays at home and earns nothing save for attracting (currently) some tax credits. That, he believes, entitles him to spend 'his' disposable income as he wishes: on himself and his frog!


I wish OP luck in trying to persuade him otherwise but while courts might view it as abusive or divorce force him to split all assets (after 4 months I don't think so!) then what can she practically do?

fairy_lights

maman wrote: »

What bothers me about this thread is that everyone seems to be making the assumption that OP and her husband should split their money (soon to become just his money) 50:50. The husband obviously feels that he works hard for his money while OP stays at home and earns nothing save for attracting (currently) some tax credits.

But he doesn't want her to go out and earn money - he believes her place is in the home. He can hardly hold it against her that she's not bringing any money in if that's the way he wanted it to be.
And as other posters have said, she is saving him quite a lot of money by providing childcare for their small children.

dirty_magic

I'd ask him if you can set up a joint account that all of the money goes into. If he says no, say you'll be getting a job and he will have to pay half of the childcare. I actually think it would benefit you to get a job anyway, even if it's only a couple of days a week. It's not healthy to completely rely on someone else for everything, and it almost sounds as if he wants you to rely on him.

It's not fair for you to have to account for everything like this. You're doing a valuable job taking care of the children and you should be able to treat yourself occasionally without asking for permission.

FBaby

This thread doesn't ring all right. The arrangements are a bit odd with two children from OP and one from her husband, two of these who would have been born not long before they met, no one paying maintenance. OP saying she used to have her own money (how working?), her husband earning little, then suddenly earning a very good income, getting married and this issue coming up only a few months after marriage, not discussed before. Tax credits over paying yet no arrangement in place it seems about the repayment (are tax credits in your name only? Are you claiming for your step child too?). Are you looking after the 3 year old then and that hubby doesn't want you to work?

Pollycat

maman wrote: »

What bothers me about this thread is that everyone seems to be making the assumption that OP and her husband should split their money (soon to become just his money) 50:50.

I don't think 'everyone' is making that assumption at all.

I think the general consensus is that the OP is not being treated fairly.

maman wrote: »

The husband obviously feels that he works hard for his money while OP stays at home and earns nothing save for attracting (currently) some tax credits. That, he believes, entitles him to spend 'his' disposable income as he wishes: on himself and his frog!

And do you think he is in the right to feel that way?
Do you think the OP is contributing nothing to this relationship?
Do you believe he is entitled to spend his money as he wishes?

maman wrote: »

I wish OP luck in trying to persuade him otherwise but while courts might view it as abusive or divorce force him to split all assets (after 4 months I don't think so!) then what can she practically do?

I wish the OP luck too.

I too think she has a hard job in front of her persuading this bloke that she has a valid point.

I think this is where she made a mistake:

willysmum wrote: »

Weve been married for nearly 4 months, we are not equal, afterr work on fridays he will go to the pub, get drunk, laze around all day Saturday with a hangover whilst i look after the children ( one is his from a previous relationship) i am lucky if he takes the bins out once a week let alone anything else, if i ask him for help its 'ive been at work all week"
Before we were married it was more his money and my money, he treats my child like his own and provides for him its just me feeling left out and cant even afford to buy the children Mcdonalds at the end of the month

willysmum

I will try to clarify things a bit better, i have 2 daughters 17 and 18, one is at uni the other lives with her dad. I have a 4 year old son from a previous realtionship and my husband has a6 yr old daughter from a previous relationship, both little ones live with us. We jointly claim tax credits for them, the money is paid into my bank.
My husband done a house exchange in April and i gave up my house in april and moved in together, the tennancy is in his name.we married in july.
previous to this i claimed tax crefits on my own as we werent living together.
i have run tax credits about his wages and they have said until they have his final 2013/2014 there isnt much they can do although they said they will write to me within 2 weeks.

maman

Pollycat wrote: »

I don't think 'everyone' is making that assumption at all.

I think the general consensus is that the OP is not being treated fairly.


And do you think he is in the right to feel that way?
Do you think the OP is contributing nothing to this relationship?
Do you believe he is entitled to spend his money as he wishes?


I wish the OP luck too.

I too think she has a hard job in front of her persuading this bloke that she has a valid point.

I think this is where she made a mistake:

OK maybe not everyone is saying 50:50 but there does seem to be a consensus of posts that he should be sharing his money out fairly equally via a joint account or similar.


I tried carefully to say that it's how he comes across in his beliefs (i.e. it's his money to spend as he chooses ) not necessarily that I think it's right.


But then this thread would seem to be about far more than money.

trailingspouse

I don't agree that the OP should be able to have her nails done or treat her children. But she should be in a position to make her own informed decision as to whether she can afford to do these things.