Giving my husband all my money?

roobee13

thorsoak wrote: »

We had a thread like this recently ....I find it hard to understand how, in the second decade of the 21st century, that there are still men out there who think like this - and women who allow them to think like this!

Me neither. Sadly, my friend married a man with exactly the same mindset as OPs husband

OP - you say you have two older children? Was the relationship with their father like this? I was just interested to know what previous relationship dynamics were like.

I genuinely hope you can sit down and discuss this with your husband as you can see from people's reactions that this isn't right or normal.

Good luck with the talk, please update us to say how it went.

rpc

trailingspouse wrote: »

I've just seen your last post.

What's your opinion?

An opinion? Her place is at home doing the cooking and cleaning. She shouldn't be using her brain to form "opinions"! That's man's work.

You'll be suggesting that women should be given the vote next.

Preposterous!


I suppose he could come and join the rest of us in the 21st century...

FBaby

It sounds like there are issues of the past, the present and the future. Past in why is this suddenly coming up considering the age of your children, this arrangement is not new. Now in that it is not very clear whether the issue is with your lack of control over the family money or the fact you are expected to spend nothing. You say that he said you could use the card but wants to know what you spend it on. That is not the fairest arrangement, but it doesn’t support the position that he is against you spending more money for yourself.

As for the future, what is it going to be like next year when there is no tax credits coming any longer? Is he actually putting money aside to pay the overpayment that will arise?

tea_lover

I realise this isn't the point of the thread but I have to ask... a frog?? Is that an actual frog? Am intrigued!

As to the actual issues I agree with PPs that this is very unbalanced and very unfair. I'd recommend speaking to Womens Aid.

j.e.j.

SailorSam wrote: »

£250 on a frog !!! ?

I missed that bit.. :rotfl:

willysmum

My older childrens father whom i was with for 13 years just trusted me to pay the bills and buy what i needed from our joint account, he wasnt interested in the money as long as the bills got paid.
My husband is 43 and as weve only been married for 4 months it is a new arrangement as before my money was mine until we got married. My son is not biologically his and his daughter is not biologically mine, we have been together coming up for 3 years.

willysmum

tea_lover wrote: »

I realise this isn't the point of the thread but I have to ask... a frog?? Is that an actual frog? Am intrigued!

As to the actual issues I agree with PPs that this is very unbalanced and very unfair. I'd recommend speaking to Womens Aid.

Yes it is an actually frog

bugslet

I hope you don't feel got at willys mum - I just feel you really have a raw deal here and you need to find a more equal way to approach your finances.

willysmum

bugslet wrote: »

I hope you don't feel got at willys mum - I just feel you really have a raw deal here and you need to find a more equal way to approach your finances.

All replies have been very helpful, i did ask my mums advice a while back and she basically said that its unfair, just wanted some other opinions.
not sure who the convo will go as my husband doesnt think theres anything wrong and says he cant be expected to pay everything.

bugslet

You could approach it that the unpaid work you do for the benefit of the family, has a value.

If you paid to have a cleaner, someone to do the ironing, look after the children, there would be a cost there, count up your hours and even at NMW, that will be a lot. So when your husband say that he can't be expected to pay for everything, he isn't. You are subsidising him heavily by doing that work for free.

It really shouldn't come to this though, it should be obvious that you are both equal partners and bring things to the relationship.

PS you should always listen to your Mum ;-)