Giving my husband all my money?

willysmum

Sorry if this is in the wrong place but just after some opinions
My husband is self employed and on good money (approx £600+ a week) we dont have a joint account and the rent and majority of the bills go out of his account. I dont work.
Each month i get £600 tax credits and £54.20 child benefit, the tax credits is alot for this year as last year he only worked for 5 months. He gets the higher rate child benefit of £80 a month into his account as we have a child each living with us.
i have just under £170 of direct debits coming out of my account each month and have to give him £400 for my share of the bills obviously leaving me £30 for the month. I have an older daughter at uni who occassionally i would like to treat and another daughter who lives with her dad.
my husband says i can have his bank card whenever i want but if i do spend anything he wants to know to the penny what ive spent, just wondered if what i give him is reasonable? Thank you

pmlindyloo

willysmum wrote: »

Sorry if this is in the wrong place but just after some opinions
My husband is self employed and on good money (approx £600+ a week) we dont have a joint account and the rent and majority of the bills go out of his account. I dont work.
Each month i get £600 tax credits and £54.20 child benefit, the tax credits is alot for this year as last year he only worked for 5 months. He gets the higher rate child benefit of £80 a month into his account as we have a child each living with us.
i have just under £170 of direct debits coming out of my account each month and have to give him £400 for my share of the bills obviously leaving me £30 for the month. I have an older daughter at uni who occassionally i would like to treat and another daughter who lives with her dad.
my husband says i can have his bank card whenever i want but if i do spend anything he wants to know to the penny what ive spent, just wondered if what i give him is reasonable? Thank you

My opinion

Get yourself a job and some financial independence

By the way, you are likely to have a massive tax credits overpayment. Has your OH informed tax credits of his change of circumstances?

willysmum

Thanks for your reply, yes he has informed them of the change :-) i am looking for a job, need to sort out childcare as he doesnt want me working evenings when hes home from work and would probably want all my wages too :-)

Mojisola

Add up all the money coming into the household. Take off what's needed for regular bills, agreed savings for holidays, emergencies, etc, and divide what's left in two - one half is his and one half is yours.

One spouse keeping the other short of money is considered domestic abuse these days.

maman

willysmum wrote: »

Sorry if this is in the wrong place but just after some opinions
My husband is self employed and on good money (approx £600+ a week) we dont have a joint account and the rent and majority of the bills go out of his account. I dont work.
Each month i get £600 tax credits and £54.20 child benefit, the tax credits is alot for this year as last year he only worked for 5 months. He gets the higher rate child benefit of £80 a month into his account as we have a child each living with us.
i have just under £170 of direct debits coming out of my account each month and have to give him £400 for my share of the bills obviously leaving me £30 for the month. I have an older daughter at uni who occassionally i would like to treat and another daughter who lives with her dad.
my husband says i can have his bank card whenever i want but if i do spend anything he wants to know to the penny what ive spent, just wondered if what i give him is reasonable? Thank you

It's really difficult to give an opinion without making assumptions that might be wrong.


Although you say he earns good money you don't say whether it's a struggle for him to pay all of the bills. You don't say how high the outgoings are? Maybe he needs to 'know to the penny' as the budget's so tight. You say you don't work. Is that from choice? Is it a joint decision? Is there loads of disposable income left at the end of each month? What happens to it?


You don't say what the direct debits are for from your account but, on the face of it, all your living expenses covered for you and your child for £570 a month isn't bad.

thriftylass

It seems you "earn" 654.20 and spend 570 on bills if I got that right? That is 87% of your money, that seems a lot. Does he spend that much of his money on bills, groceries etc. Because it would mean he'd spend 2088 plus your 400 on bills, that would be a lot. Or does he save some of it as family savings or is he paying back debt? And I guess he does not just have 4%/£96 of his income (like your 30 quid) to himself?

I would sit down with him and see what all your outgoings are, incl child maintenance, groceries etc. and then split them according to your incomes. Lets say he earns three times more than you he should pay 3 times more. That worked for us as I find it unfair to split bills 50:50 when one earns so much less.

Speak to him about how he sees it. He is the main earner and he said you could use his card as he probably sees it as "our" money but he wants to know on what it is spend. Makes sense if he just wants to keep a record of finances, otherwise it seems a bit controlling. Handing over all your money just seems wrong in todays day and age unless it is a system that works for both.

willysmum

Thank you Mamam, i dont work as the children are 4 and 6 and my husband is of the belief that a womans place is at home.
The direct debits i pay are life insurance, phone and broadband, car insurance, phone contracts and a couple of small catalogue bills.
I guess what i didnt make clear is that my husband has 2 cars (1 i use for the school run is on finance as he 'needed' it) and a rather expensive motorbike on finance, as its winter coming and he cant use his bike so much he needed a new hobby and has just spent £250 on a frog!!! Money is tight at the moment as he will buy whatever he wants and sees.

trailingspouse

Is there a reason why you don't have a joint account?

Wanting to know how much you've spent may not be an issue in itself - if money's tight it's very sensible. However, if he is implying that you are spending too much or on the wrong things, then that changes the situation. My first husband used to criticise how much I spent on clothing (I worked in a prestigious office in the city centre, in a public-facing role - I needed to look the part, and I also knew that I wasn't spending silly money) - he genuinely didn't have a clue how much things cost (he wore a uniform that was provided for him), yet still saw fit to criticise my choices. And we weren't even short of money!!

Also, although you say he is on good money at the moment, it appears to be a bit unpredictable, so again he may be right to keep an eye on things. But is he keeping an eye on things, or is he being controlling?

You need to sit down and talk about it in a business-like manner.

willysmum

thriftylass wrote: »

It seems you "earn" 654.20 and spend 570 on bills if I got that right? That is 87% of your money, that seems a lot. Does he spend that much of his money on bills, groceries etc. Because it would mean he'd spend 2088 plus your 400 on bills, that would be a lot. Or does he save some of it as family savings or is he paying back debt? And I guess he does not just have 4%/£96 of his income (like your 30 quid) to himself?

I would sit down with him and see what all your outgoings are, incl child maintenance, groceries etc. and then split them according to your incomes. Lets say he earns three times more than you he should pay 3 times more. That worked for us as I find it unfair to split bills 50:50 when one earns so much less.

Speak to him about how he sees it. He is the main earner and he said you could use his card as he probably sees it as "our" money but he wants to know on what it is spend. Makes sense if he just wants to keep a record of finances, otherwise it seems a bit controlling. Handing over all your money just seems wrong in todays day and age unless it is a system that works for both.

the figures you quoted are right, he will buy what he wants so im never really sure what hes spending each month.

tyllwyd

On the face of it, if he has £2400 coming in per month (before tax or after?), and he is expecting you to give him £400 out of £600 then that does sound unreasonable.


I do wonder if there is more to the story though - when you say you have £170 going out, is that bills or debt repayments? If it is to pay loans/credit cards, I wonder if there are issues between both of you over money.


Also, it does worry me that you have so much coming in through tax credits - at some point it will be reassessed on your OH's current income and drop right down, and possibly some will need to be repaid.


But as a general point, I hate having to feel that someone is looking over my shoulder at every penny I spend, and it would be perfectly reasonable for the two of you to agree a budget of money that you keep in your account to spend as you please rather than having to go through his bank account every time.

fairy_lights

willysmum wrote: »

Thank you Mamam, i dont work as the children are 4 and 6 and my husband is of the belief that a womans place is at home.
The direct debits i pay are life insurance, phone and broadband, car insurance, phone contracts and a couple of small catalogue bills.
I guess what i didnt make clear is that my husband has 2 cars (1 i use for the school run is on finance as he 'needed' it) and a rather expensive motorbike on finance, as its winter coming and he cant use his bike so much he needed a new hobby and has just spent £250 on a frog!!! Money is tight at the moment as he will buy whatever he wants and sees.

He believes that a womans place is in the home and doesn't want you to look for work, but also leaves you with no money for yourself while he keeps a fair amount of disposable income for himself?
I don't want to jump to conclusions here but this doesn't sound like a very healthy arrangement at all, do you think he is using your financial situation to control you?