Giving my husband all my money?

Pollycat

Is there an echo in here?

You've posted the same thing twice (posts #63 & #71):

trailingspouse wrote: »

I don't agree that the OP should be able to have her nails done or treat her children. But she should be in a position to make her own informed decision as to whether she can afford to do these things.

trailingspouse wrote: »

I don't agree that the OP should be able to have her nails done or treat her children. But she should be in a position to make her own informed decision as to whether she can afford to do these things.

trailingspouse

The OP's situation (not being allowed to work, but also having her spending controlled) reminds me of a quote (I think from Mary Wollstonecraft, but I could be wrong) -

'Our wings are clipped and it is found despicable that we cannot fly.'

trailingspouse

Whoops - blame the tech.

trailingspouse

I don't agree that the OP should be able to have her nails done or treat her children. But she should be in a position to make her own informed decision as to whether she can afford to do these things.

fairy_lights

trailingspouse wrote: »

I don't agree that the OP should be able to have her nails done or treat her children. But she should be in a position to make her own informed decision as to whether she can afford to do these things.

ermm...are you feeling ok?

dirty_magic

maman wrote: »

OK maybe not everyone is saying 50:50 but there does seem to be a consensus of posts that he should be sharing his money out fairly equally via a joint account or similar.


I tried carefully to say that it's how he comes across in his beliefs (i.e. it's his money to spend as he chooses ) not necessarily that I think it's right.


But then this thread would seem to be about far more than money.

If he doesn't think it's fair to share his money then he shouldn't disapprove of her working. He can't have his cake and eat it!

I don't think it's necessarily wrong to have 'his' and 'her' money in a relationship; even if we did have kids I'd want to go back to work part time because I wouldn't feel comfortable relying on someone else completely. It is unfair to not share and not want her to work though, and even if she worked part time to accommodate the school run I think it's unfair not to ensure that she has a reasonable amount of disposable income.

If she didn't have the kids she would have the potential to earn a decent wage, how is it fair that she loses out? Someone has to care for them!

moomoomama27

This appears to be a very abusive rekationship?

I understand not all married couples want to split their finances 50/50 but to stop you working and keep a tight hold of the purse strings is not a good basis for a relationship.

You need to sort out the tax credits as a matter of urgency, even if he did only work for a short amount of hine last year, not earning as much, the income disregard has been surpassed and your tax credits are now being overpaid, you will need to pay it all back giving you no financial stability at all. With two children in that wage you wouldn't get tax credits at all.

liney

For richer, for poorer...

I have earned more than my DH; less than him when I worked PT with a young child; not earned anything at all when I was a student and now earn more than him again. At no point would he ever suggest that our money is his or mine.

It sounds like he expects you to pay towards the house like a lodger, not his wife. If he wants you stay at home, and you are happy to stay at home, then he should be supporting you financially. Otherwise, get a job and share everything equally, including the cost of childcare for the children.

FatVonD

willysmum wrote: »

My husband done a house exchange in April and i gave up my house in april and moved in together, the tennancy is in his name.we married in july.
previous to this i claimed tax crefits on my own as we werent living together.

So you were presumably working then otherwise you wouldn't have been eligible for tax credits?

willysmum wrote: »

i have run tax credits about his wages and they have said until they have his final 2013/2014 there isnt much they can do although they said they will write to me within 2 weeks.

They will claim back every penny they have given you this year. A take home salary of £2,400 per month equates to over £40,000 per year before tax so you aren't entitled to tax credits at all.

morag1234_2

Goodness this sounds like financial abuse. He is trying to make you financially dependent on him despite your wish to work and be your own woman.

Please look on domestic abuse websites for your country as this isn't what anyone should be subjected to when in a healthy partnership.