Giving my husband all my money?

Mojisola

millysg1 wrote: »

Traditionally, women were always given Pin money for clothes and to manage the household which was usually agreed and put in a contract on engagement which the father of the bride would sign.
The amount and terms of the “pin money” were often written into the marriage contract, and the legal status of “pin money” was codified in English law. Such “pin money” was often the only actual cash the wife received from her husband, was considered her personal property, and served as a sort of safety net at a time

Before the 1882 law changes.

margaretclare

As mentioned before, all this is well out of date.

Giving all your pay-packet away - DH tells of his first week's earnings as an engineering apprentice. He solemnly handed over an unopened brown envelope to his mother, who didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

The arrangement with different envelopes for different expenses was a common one that I heard of while growing up. So long as these arrangements satisfied both members of the couple, it was their business alone.

Being given 'pin money' is really archaic. No one alive now has ever experienced this. It sounds like a Victorian novel.

meritaten

margaretclare wrote: »

As mentioned before, all this is well out of date.

Giving all your pay-packet away - DH tells of his first week's earnings as an engineering apprentice. He solemnly handed over an unopened brown envelope to his mother, who didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

The arrangement with different envelopes for different expenses was a common one that I heard of while growing up. So long as these arrangements satisfied both members of the couple, it was their business alone.

Being given 'pin money' is really archaic. No one alive now has ever experienced this. It sounds like a Victorian novel.

I

don't know about that. my OHs wages goes into HIS bank account. he gives me a set amount a week, but we do agree what he pays for (mortgage, utilities etc) and this amount is for daily 'expenses' - the rest is MY money.
I have worked off and on while we have been married. any money I earned went into MY bank account - and it was money for 'luxuries'. I have to say I mostly spent it on the kids.
I became disabled and although I have had some jobs - mostly the only money I have is mobility allowance. which isn't a lot.
when it comes to my 'housekeeping allowance' what I get for myself, is roughly the same amount my OH has for 'pocket money'. the rest is in HIS account. but, I only have to say I need 'this, that or the other' and he immediately asks how much I want. he doesn't grudge it me!
joint account didn't work for us as he drove me mad every time a statement came - I felt I had to account for every penny and he felt he was being careful and just wanting to be savvy with the money.
our arrangement works because I explain to him if I need an increase, and he does come shopping with me so knows prices go up.
I think you have to sit down and work out how to get a fair division of finances. if he wont do that, then it seems to me he is controlling you. its FINANCIAL ABUSE.

RuthnJasper

I was extremely moved recently by a very powerful BBC drama called "Murdered By My Boyfriend"; an excellently-done piece on domestic violence. One of the early signs of trouble in that story (based upon a true situation) was the boyfriend controlling the girl's money; going through her receipts and giving her cash when she needed it.

Have to say, though, I'm beginning to wonder if the frog in question here is the Greater-Spotted Amazonian Troll-Frog... :undecided

margaretclare

RuthnJasper wrote: »

I was extremely moved recently by a very powerful BBC drama called "Murdered By My Boyfriend"; an excellently-done piece on domestic violence. One of the early signs of trouble in that story (based upon a true situation) was the boyfriend controlling the girl's money; going through her receipts and giving her cash when she needed it.

Have to say, though, I'm beginning to wonder if the frog in question here is the Greater-Spotted Amazonian Troll-Frog... :undecided

Yes, I saw that BBC3 drama. Four years from the day they first met to the day he killed her.

Being given 'housekeeping money' as described above is not the same as the earlier idea of 'pin money'. 'Pin money' was a sort of personal allowance, to pay for a lady's needs alone. Not to keep house on.

The Victorian philosopher J S Mill wrote that a married woman's situation in the mid-19th century was akin to slavery. She owned nothing. Not the clothes she stood up in, and if she had her pocket picked and her purse stolen, it was her husband's purse and her husband's small change in it. If she had had any money or property when she married, unless a marriage settlement was drawn up, she would immediately lose everything the minute she said her wedding vows. Wilkie Collins, the Victorian novelist, wrote about this extensively.

The Married Women's Property Acts of the 1880s were designed to change this, but interestingly enough, they covered only inherited money and property and not earnings. This was because it was inconceivable for a woman to earn her own living in the way we take for granted now. This still existed in the tax laws up until the changes in the Budget of 1990. My first husband used to be written to about my tax affairs. My salary was treated as 'his' for tax purposes. This was one injustice that I'm proud to say I had a small part in changing. We now have independent taxation whether you're married or not.

thriftylass

Yes, willysmum has been rather quiet!?

lovinituk

RuthnJasper wrote: »

Have to say, though, I'm beginning to wonder if the frog in question here is the Greater-Spotted Amazonian Troll-Frog... :undecided

I was wondering that too, but the age of account threw me. Unless they are a troll sleeper cell!!

Gigervamp

Give the OP the benefit of the doubt. She's been told that her marriage is likely to be abusive. Maybe she just needs some time to think.

mollsnan

Always had joint account since marriage (36yrs) when we both worked. I left work to raise family (OUR choice), OH salary into joint account I did the 'money management'. It was 'our money' as my husband put it, yes he went out to work to earn it, but we were/are a team, my SAHM status was respected by him. I never had to ask for money from him, you see the important thing here is Trust and Respect. Due to ill health I am unable to work. We spoke recently about how I thought I would have contributed financially when kids grew up, joking that I'm now dependant on him. My husband told me that I had worked all our married life looking after home and family, and continue to do so. We have NEVER argued over money, (plenty else over the years ��). As a couple he truly believes that any monies in that account is OURS. Respect Trust and Love are what you deserve, you are not getting this, and yes I believe that you are being 'financially abused'. Don't accept this. xx

margaretclare

mollsnan wrote: »

Always had joint account since marriage (36yrs) when we both worked. I left work to raise family (OUR choice), OH salary into joint account I did the 'money management'. It was 'our money' as my husband put it, yes he went out to work to earn it, but we were/are a team, my SAHM status was respected by him. I never had to ask for money from him, you see the important thing here is Trust and Respect. Due to ill health I am unable to work. We spoke recently about how I thought I would have contributed financially when kids grew up, joking that I'm now dependant on him. My husband told me that I had worked all our married life looking after home and family, and continue to do so. We have NEVER argued over money, (plenty else over the years ��). As a couple he truly believes that any monies in that account is OURS. Respect Trust and Love are what you deserve, you are not getting this, and yes I believe that you are being 'financially abused'. Don't accept this. xx

I couldn't agree more. Trust and Respect are words that my DH often uses and has done for a long time. Trust and Respect are the basis of any successful relationship. Love is the bonus. He used these words as part of his speech at our wedding reception. He should know - his previous 2 marriages, especially the last one, had little of either trust or respect.

Whatever arrangements a couple make to sort out their finances, whether you work or stay at home, so long as it all suits the pair of you no one else comes into it. However, by writing a post on here headed 'Giving my husband all my money (question mark)' and asking for other people's opinions - other strangers who don't know you personally - is an indication that all is not well, and the OP seems to be saying that. Several people have given their views and the OP has not done us the courtesy of coming back and responding.