Giving my husband all my money?

RAS

willysmum wrote: »

I have been intouch with Tax Credits to update my husbands income and are waiting to hear from them.

Given what I hear on the Benefits forum, you may have to chase them up.

Have you trioed putting the current details into www.turn2us.org.uk to get an estimate of what yu are entitled to; you could then at least put the money aside to re-pay them and start engotiations with hubbie based on some facts.

willysmum wrote: »

in regards to our current home, no i am not on the tenancy, stupid i know , my husband did speak to the housing association and they told him i had to live at the property for a year before i could go on the tenancy and once that year was up should we separate they 'might' be able to rehome me. Cant believe ive been so stupid .

You have not been stupid. You loved and trusted your fiance/spouse to be, no doubt based on good evidence. There is no way you could have predicted that he would not think our your marriage as a partnership.

I knew someone who did something similar to you; and her new husband fully supported her and 5 kids to the extent that the youngest DD flopped in his lap at her sister's wedding and said "dad my feet are killing me." The look on the face of her biological father was to behold.

On a rather pragmatic note, I think that you may need to bite your tongue a bit in the short-term and ensure that you are on the tenancy agreement in April 2015.

RAS

lovinituk wrote: »

Do Housing Association rent to people on high incomes? I thought that type of housing was for people on low incomes?

That is not the case.

margaretclare

willysmum wrote: »

Thank you for all your replies, i am definitely NOT a troll as suggested and i have been quiet for a while as i am sure you will understand when i tell you its been hard to get my head round that the majority of replies think my marriage verges on domestic abuse, everything ive told you on here is true and if i was a Troll i could probably think of a more controversial subject to get you all started on.
ps just for your information its my daughters birthday next week and i am meant to be going 200 miles by train to see her with her present that i havent got, for all the posts who have nothing nice to say try walking in my shoes.

I don't think anyone here has been overly critical or unsympathetic to you. If you ask people unknown to you on an internet forum you are certain to get a lot of varied opinions.

Personally, I feel very sorry for you. I could not live in a set-up such as the one you describe, not for a single day. Your financial situation is awful, degrading, humiliating. What you describe should not exist in an era in which there is so much emphasis on 'equality'. The personal freedoms we enjoy now did not come without much effort on many people's part.

Of course it is understandable that you wish to travel for your daughter's birthday and to have a gift for her. You're going by train - cost of train fare? And if you have 2 cars, why aren't you driving there?

Your housing situation is even more worrying. You gave up your own home, to move into a housing association property with tenancy not in joint names? I don't like the sound of this at all.

lovinituk

RAS wrote: »

That is not the case.

Thanks. I wasn't sure so thought I'd ask.

RAS

margaretclare wrote: »

IYour housing situation is even more worrying. You gave up your own home, to move into a housing association property with tenancy not in joint names? I don't like the sound of this at all.

It is pretty standard for HAs only to add people to tenancy agreements after 1 year. The OP had no way of knowing that the situation would be so difficult.

RuthnJasper

willysmum wrote: »

Thank you for all your replies, i am definately NOT a troll as suggested and i have been quiet for a while as i am sure you will understand when i tell you its been hard to get my head round that the majority of replies think my marriage verges on domestic abuse, everything ive told you on here is true and if i was a Troll i could probably think of a more controversial subject to get you all started on.
ps just for your information its my daughters birthday next week and i am meant to be going 200 miles by train to see her with her present that i havent got, for all the posts who have nothing nice to say try walking in my shoes.

Apologies for my part in this error of thought. I REALLY do hope you'll be OK, Willysmum. x

HPoirot

OP, whose is the frog?? Were the children asking for a pet?

And how would you have managed for your elder daughter's birthday if you were still a single unemployed mum managing on her own? What would you have done for her birthday?

I am another who is slightly confused with your set-up. Mainly for the confusing bits and pieces of information but also because this is not a situation that has degraded over the years.

Your marriage is only 4 months old so it is reasonable to assume you both entered into it with the agreement, spoken or understood, that this is the arrangement you will both be working on. 4 months on and you are not happy with it - what has changed? Who has changed? How did either of you manage before the marriage? Did you both agree you would continue as you were before marriage?

SuperHan

Jagraf wrote: »

I absolutely get your point but who does what is a separate issue to the money coming in. If one or the other isn't happy then that's a partnership issue. IMO the money is still joint.

Exactly. Regarding the 'taking advantage' point, the husband should tell the wife that he doesn't think the money should be spent on the spa days etc etc.

We both work in our relationship, and the money is essentially viewed as joint. I however wouldn't just book a £200 spa weekend because we had the cash there, as it's not MY money, it's OUR money, and so it would be a joint decision that we could afford a spa weekend for me. If OH didn't mind me spending the money on that, then yes I would go ahead and book it.

The same would apply whether I was working or not.

maman

SuperHan wrote: »

Exactly. Regarding the 'taking advantage' point, the husband should tell the wife that he doesn't think the money should be spent on the spa days etc etc.

We both work in our relationship, and the money is essentially viewed as joint. I however wouldn't just book a £200 spa weekend because we had the cash there, as it's not MY money, it's OUR money, and so it would be a joint decision that we could afford a spa weekend for me. If OH didn't mind me spending the money on that, then yes I would go ahead and book it.

The same would apply whether I was working or not.

I think I may have confused you.


It's not OP who's taking spa days. I gave that example of someone I know who (IMO) was using her DH as a 'meal ticket' in that she's continued as a SAHM when she could be contributing far more to the family budget. This was because I believe that's it's not fair on one partner to be earning all the money and then it being treated as joint.


OP is in an entirely different situation in that she earns no money, is likely to need to pay back current tax credits but feels she's being treated unfairly because her DH spends much of what he earns on himself. So effectively her financial situation appears not to be changed since she married 4 months ago except that the tax credits are at risk because of new husband's level of income. At least, that's how I read it but I stand to be corrected.

RAS

Plus

he does not want her to work
he will not look after the children when he is not at work to enable her to work without childcare costs.
he takes the higher level child benefit because his child is older