Is he being immature?

January20

missbiggles1 wrote: »

It must have been really humiliating for him to admit that the OP hadn't said anything about the day to him, much less thanked him for the treat. Nobody likes being shown up in front of those close to them.

The fact that the family wondered whether she enjoyed it rather gives credence to the idea that she spent the day with a face like a smacked aarse as well.

Are you trying to make the OP feel bad on purpose? Humiliating for him to admit that the OP hadn't said anything about the day? Is he so incapable that he couldn't make a suitable excuse to his family? If he couldn't say something like "oh I haven't spoken to her yet?" or " I haven't asked her" then he is an idiot! a tremendously sensitive one at that!

The comment I put in bold is so UNFAIR! Some people are extroverts, noisy, lively and show their feelings constantly. Others are introverts, are quiet, don't make a commotion all the time.

Read a book entitled "quiet" by Susan Cain. You might learn a thing or two and not make such offensive assumptions in future, but actually I think from the first post you've decided the OP is wrong and nothing with change your mind and your (bad) attitude towards her. Very sad to be so closed minded!

jaylee3

amus wrote: »

I really dislike this presumption that shy/quiet people are ignorant/ungrateful/have faces like slapped !!!!!!.

OP has said she is a naturally quiet person, I'm sure meeting her new partners family was quite overwhelming for a shy person.

As somebody who is incredibly shy (and having that shyness often incorrectly mistaken for ignorance) I take offence to this sort of presumption.

susieq87 wrote: »

well thats not very nice!

Cottage_Economy wrote: »

Not all of us walk around with a delighted enraptured expression on our faces or clap like trained seals when we enjoy something.

If the OP is a quiet person, perhaps even a shy person, then she may not go into violent throes of visible delight. It doesn't mean she hasn't had a good time or that she had a face like a slapped !!!!.

Tropez wrote:

Somewhat amusing that you would complain at others for posting in a manner that you found to be rude and then make that last comment.

LOL. Captain irony strikes again!

Having a go for people for being rude, and then being rude themselves. I find it hilarious when people do that. Doesn't put them in a very good light does it?

And then trying to make light of it as if they are not in the wrong and it was 'just an expression.' No it wasn't just an expression, it was rude to describe someone who is shy and quiet and finds it hard to communicate with people they don't know, as 'having a face like a slapped @rse!' No good arguing though as some people will never admit they're in the wrong, or see anyone else's point of view for a split second.

FWIW OP, I would kick this guy to the kerb NOW. He is simply not worth the bother and hassle. The relationship is going to get worse, and his family sound dreadful.

Do not get involved with this family. Sounds like they're the same kind of passive-aggressive manipulative bullies as he is. People from the same family generally tend to be similar.

(I hope I haven't offended anyone with putting a couple of words in uppercase. Wouldn't want to offend the forum police.)

jaylee3

January20 wrote: »

Are you trying to make the OP feel bad on purpose? Humiliating for him to admit that the OP hadn't said anything about the day? Is he so incapable that he couldn't make a suitable excuse to his family? If he couldn't say something like "oh I haven't spoken to her yet?" or " I haven't asked her" then he is an idiot! a tremendously sensitive one at that!

The comment I put in bold is so UNFAIR! Some people are extroverts, noisy, lively and show their feelings constantly. Others are introverts, are quiet, don't make a commotion all the time.

Read a book entitled "quiet" by Susan Cain. You might learn a thing or two and not make such offensive assumptions in future, but actually I think from the first post you've decided the OP is wrong and nothing with change your mind and your (bad) attitude towards her. Very sad to be so closed minded!

:T Excellent post.

Sadly some people have no emotional intelligence, they will never admit to being wrong, and they will not apologise.

Trying to wriggle out of it by making out it was 'just an expression,' and trying to make out everyone who is offended is foolish for being offended, just proves they know they're in the wrong, but will not admit it.

This kind of person will turn the tables on others and try to pick faults with them when they are being called out on something, to highlight their own shortcomings, But they will NEVER back down.

susieq87

missbiggles1 wrote: »

To the best of my knowledge, shy people's faces are just as capable of smiling as extroverts' are.:D

does this mean you have already concluded that i was walking around with "a face like a slapped @rse?"

jaylee3

susieq87 wrote: »

does this mean you have already concluded that i was walking around with "a face like a slapped @rse?"

Take no notice hun. Everyone knows you weren't really. Some people just love to say things to stir the pot.

Look how many people are on your side on this thread, and especially at the last page or so. Don't worry about anything. You have done no wrong.

Tropez

missbiggles1 wrote: »

It's just an expression and hardly a rude one! (If I'd shouted it at the OP, as another poster was doing , of course it would be rude.)

I've sat through enough HR seminars on appropriate language and practice to know that as a general rule of thumb if someone considers something you say to be offensive or rude, then it is offensive or rude.

You might not care that other people consider it to be rude but given you did complain earlier about perceived rudeness then it's only fair that you should be held to similar standards, right?

jozxyqk

It sounds like a minor miscommunication turned into a crisis. The question is, is this because he has good reasons for such a reaction, or is he a drama queen / easily lead by his family?

I wouldn't go so far as to break up over this, but I would be concerned; as others have said, what if there is a *real* problem in the future? Or U]speculation[/U is he overreacting to force you to confront him and give him an excuse to break up?

Good people do emerge from less-than-ideal families. Without naming names, some very close relatives of mine have. So if he's worth sticking with, keep trying. Good relationships take effort - from both sides - but please don't be a doormat.

seven-day-weekend

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Or, you could argue that someone who's close to his own family is likely to want to build a close family unit of his own when the time comes.

Of course. But that does not mean that his marital family unit has to be a clone of his parental family unit. My relationship with my husband and my son are nothing like the one I had with my parents, neither is his the same as he had with his parents (thank goodness) and I don't suppose our son's relationship with his girlfriend is the same as the one he has with us.

You make your own relationship, not expect it to be the same as someone else's.

Brighton_belle

He doesn't sound 'controlling' to me - just lacking confidence - it is hard sometimes to be with a shy person who doesn't communicate easily. He's not a mind reader: if there weren't signs that were obvious to him that you had a good time, then it sounds like his lack of confidence kicked in. His family also may not be used to shyer people and naturally were a little concerned for him.
He then wanted you to initiate a conversation. You wanted him to initiate a conversation.
What you described as 'giving the silent treatment' could just as easily have been a big lack of self confidence and withdrawal with real fear of being hurt. You are going to have to talk more with each other so you read signals better and understand what each other needs.
It is too easy for anyone to throw accusations of 'controlling' & 'sulking' around without stepping back and trying to see the situation from someone else's point of view. He was just as hurt and upset as you.
Make a rule of txt for sweet nothings or short practical arrangements only.

susieq87

Brighton_belle wrote: »

He doesn't sound 'controlling' to me - just lacking confidence - it is hard sometimes to be with a shy person who doesn't communicate easily. He's not a mind reader: if there weren't signs that were obvious to him that you had a good time, then it sounds like his lack of confidence kicked in. His family also may not be used to shyer people and naturally were a little concerned for him.
He then wanted you to initiate a conversation. You wanted him to initiate a conversation.
What you described as 'giving the silent treatment' could just as easily have been a big lack of self confidence and withdrawal with real fear of being hurt. You are going to have to talk more with each other so you read signals better and understand what each other needs.
It is too easy for anyone to throw accusations of 'controlling' & 'sulking' around without stepping back and trying to see the situation from someone else's point of view. He was just as hurt and upset as you.
Make a rule of txt for sweet nothings or short practical arrangements only.

i actually agree with everything you have just said in this post :T i think there is some confidence lacking and a need to please from his side that he quickly retreats into his little shell in order to protect himself from potential hurt. i think i need to dig deeper into his past to find out what wounded my poor baby