Is he being immature?

susieq87

I feel a bit silly asking this but i always like to get unbiased opinions regarding certain situations.

I have been seeing a guy since May (i made a thread about him moving too fast) fast forward to last weekend where his cousins and friends organised a trip to Alton Towers and he asked me to come along. he bought the tickets and also paid for lunch while we were there.

the day after (sunday) i thought we were on good terms so we were texting back and forth until late in the evening when he asked me if i had enjoyed myself the previous day. i told him i had and he said he thought that perhaps i hadnt since i didnt say thank you or show any appreciation to what he had done. i felt terrible and apologised profusely to which he replied "ok" i knew he was upset and i was planning on making it up to him the next time i saw him. on monday i called him first thing in the morning and he said he was busy and that was the last i heard from him until yesterday when i sent him a message asking if everything was ok.

since we have been dating we talk every day, whether its via text messaging or phone calls so not talking to him for two days was very out of character. he replied my message saying everything was fine however he didnt have anything to say to people who didnt appreciate when he did something for them. i was honestly shocked. i asked if this meant he didnt accept my apology and he replied apology accepted. since that conversation yesterday morning things have just been awkward between us. i asked him to meet me for dinner tonight and he has agreed.
at this point i am questioning his character because if this is a man i am going to be with in the long run i would want him to be forgiving because i am sure i will do worse things than forgetting to say thank you and it just feels like he is being petty. i always say thank you and this time it slipped my mind and i am being punished for it.

am i being insensitive to think he's being silly or is he really being silly?

Caroline_a

Let's turn it round.... "so I planned a really great day out with all my friends and my girlfriend, bought all the tickets, paid for her all day, including lunch and she didn't even say thank you at the end. Am I wasting my time with this ungrateful woman?"

Personally, I'm with him...

CH27

I'd be pretty miffed if someone didn't thank me after i'd spend a lot of money on taking them for a lovely day out. You were rude.

However sulking gets people nowhere so he could have handled it better too.

74jax

I think you are being silly.

Your boyfriend seems to have put a lot of effort and time and money into the outings and you just took him for granted.

If you are questioning his behaviour - which to be honest to me seems how I would react if someone had treated me how you did, perhaps he is questioning your behaviour also?

He may accept your apology, just because he doesn't go back to how things are immidiately doesn't mean he doesn't, it means he is hurt by the way you acted and is thinking things through.

Just because you apologise, don't mean all is ok.

fivetide

I disagree with how long he should be sulking for.

He's made his point and you have apologised. Anything after that is someone throwing the toys out of the pram. Of course it won't immediately fix it but how would it be if you guys actually lived together? Should anyone have the week long bottom lip over something like this which could easily be an honest mistake? I might not say thanks at the time but texting when you got back or first thing the next morning to say thanks for a great day would have been the way to go.

I'd tell him you've apologised, you were planning to show him you appreciated it but his attitude since then has meant you haven't had chance. If he'd still be interested, let you know, otherwise Foxtrot Oscar.

lulu_92

Leave him to it.

I'm not saying break up with him but let him sulk for a bit. He'll either come running back or not. Either way you have your answer.

I think it was a slight overreaction on his part. You're his partner, these kinds of treats and days out are part of the relationship job description. Whilst I agree that a simple thanks from you should have sufficed, he shouldn't be reminding you like you're a child.

amus

For me, the fact that he is trying to 'punish' you for the crime of not saying thank you, even after you had already apologised would ring alarm bells for me. Sounds like he's getting a kick out of making you feel bad.

Person_one

Ugh, I really hate it when adults think sulking is an appropriate response to a disagreement or disappointment.

Yes, you should have said thank you (although as his cousins and friends organised the day out you should both be thanking them too, did he?) but he's seriously overreacting and wanting you to fawn over him till he's feeling big enough to forgive you is not on.

Sorry if I'm a bit harsh, but I've dated sulkers and worked with sulkers and I've no patience for it over the age of about 5!

Georgiegirl256

How can you forget to say thank you? Surely it's basic manners? If someone treats you and pays for a day out and lunch, then the first thing you should be doing is saying thank you IMO. That and telling them that you appreciate it and that you enjoyed it (if you'd did), so yes, I can totally see why he's peeved off at you.

He maybe thinks you're taking him for granted.

Eta: He's not being silly, you were being rude.

susieq87

Ok, so how do i fix this?

i know i was wrong and i honestly felt terrible because i hate it when people dont say thank you. i dont have a sense of entitlement and genuinely appreciate when people do things for me, big or small. i also do not have a high tolerance level of people acting like big babies after i have apologised. like another poster said me apologising doesnt mean hes over it and i accept that but cant we all just get along?

amus

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

How can you forget to say thank you? Surely it's basic manners? If someone treats you and pays for a day out and lunch, then the first thing you should be doing is saying thank you IMO. That and telling them that you appreciate it and that you enjoyed it (if you'd did), so yes, I can totally see why he's peeved off at you.

He maybe thinks you're taking him for granted.

Eta: He's not being silly, you were being rude.

It's not the fact that he got upset she didn't say thank you, of course OP should have thanked him, she acknowledged this and apologised, it's the fact he feels the need to drag it out that's weird. Unless it's something really bad, why would you not just accept the apology and move on? Why does he feel the need to drag it out and 'punish' her for what in my opinion is a pretty minor oversight.