Is he being immature?

missbiggles1

Lily-Rose wrote: »

No, actually, most people WOULD NOT. Because it's PATHETIC.

Clearly you would.

Speaks volumes.

Really, shouting at someone does nothing for your argument. I can see it wdoesn't matter to some people but some of us have higher standards.

missbiggles1

tea_lover wrote: »

This is a relatively new relationship. If someone I'd not been seeing for long was already lacking in basic manners it would make me question whether I'd want to take things further.

It's not the same as when you've lived together for years and might forget to say thank you to whoever cooked that evening. For basic politeness to be missing that early in a relationship would ring alarm bells for me. Different things are important to different people - for me (and maybe the OP's partner), manners and respect are important.

I'd also manage to have a discussion about different points of view without resorting to name calling.

Manners are obviously more important to some than others.

Exactly.

Even in a long term relationship it's often good manners that help see you through the rough patches.

Tropez

tea_lover wrote: »

This is a relatively new relationship. If someone I'd not been seeing for long was already lacking in basic manners it would make me question whether I'd want to take things further.

It's not the same as when you've lived together for years and might forget to say thank you to whoever cooked that evening. For basic politeness to be missing that early in a relationship would ring alarm bells for me. Different things are important to different people - for me (and maybe the OP's partner), manners and respect are important.

I'd also manage to have a discussion about different points of view without resorting to name calling.

Manners are obviously more important to some than others.

People forget things though. We can't possibly be saying that it is necessary or acceptable to punish someone in such a manner because of a simple slip?

It's not very respectful to the OP to treat her this way, even if he wants to end it. All the power in the relationship was with the boyfriend during those two days. He was ensuring that it was the OP who would come running to him by making her feel upset, by ignoring her and by keeping any reply he did make to a short, sharp phrase just to underline what a horrible person she is. This is disproportionate to forgetting a thank you.

It's not really good manners either to go out of your way to make someone feel like crap because they made a rather simple mistake.

CKgeordieinlondon

I'm wondering if the fact it was a day out with his friends and family is a factor. We're all a little bit more concious of what our partners are like, in front of others.

That aside I can't abide sulkers and martyrs.

Reminds me of those people who refuse all help in the kitchen, then complain that people don't appreciate how much effort it all took.

He doesn't sound like a keeper.

missbiggles1

Tropez wrote: »

But would you resort to short, sharp texts and go cold on contact for two days just to rub in how upset you were with the whole thing? What's that saying about two wrongs?

The OP forgot to say thank you - it's not really a big deal. My wife has perfect manners but she doesn't say thank you to me every time I do something for her, nor is my self-esteem so low that it's wrapped up in someone appreciating me as a benevolent giver of wonderful things.

Certainly what the OP did doesn't warrant being made to feel like crap. She apologised and while I don't think apologising automatically makes everything alright, at the very least it should open up a dialogue with the apparently wounded party where grievances can be expressed in a mature, reasonable and adult way. OP apologies and she gets treated like a child, with utter contempt and in a manner that is deliberately trying to make her very upset. That's a lot worse than forgetting an overused term of appreciation. If he was thinking about ending the relationship during those two days, then he should have said that. It is disgustingly unfair on the OP to be kept in the dark about something that affects her too.

If he is actually sulking then I agree that this isn't the way to deal with things but, as I suggested earlier, perhaps he's just backing away whilst considering the future. I think many of us would consider that telling her he's thinking of ending the relationship was in itself a manipulative strategy.

supermum4

wow some people seem to have some serious issues which I don't think is helping the OP (THERAPY MAY BE NEEDED LOL)

OP wait until you meet with him again and try to talk things through and then make a decision on your relationship based on that outcome, best of luck hun let us know how it goes

tea_lover

Tropez wrote: »

People forget things though. We can't possibly be saying that it is necessary or acceptable to punish someone in such a manner because of a simple slip?

It's not very respectful to the OP to treat her this way, even if he wants to end it. All the power in the relationship was with the boyfriend during those two days. He was ensuring that it was the OP who would come running to him by making her feel upset, by ignoring her and by keeping any reply he did make to a short, sharp phrase just to underline what a horrible person she is. This is disproportionate to forgetting a thank you.

It's not really good manners either to go out of your way to make someone feel like crap because they made a rather simple mistake.

I suppose it depends on whether you see his behaviour as a) sulking and punishing the OP, or b) taking some time to think about whether this is someone he wants to be with long-term.

I'm erring towards b) as the lack of manners in not even saying thank you would really have bugged me. Of course, it could be a) - in which case, yeah, he's not behaving great.

I certainly wouldn't say he's being controlling, manipulative and pathetic though.

Tropez

missbiggles1 wrote: »

If he is actually sulking then I agree that this isn't the way to deal with things but, as I suggested earlier, perhaps he's just backing away whilst considering the future. I think many of us would consider that telling her he's thinking of ending the relationship was in itself a manipulative strategy.

What he's doing seems more like attempted emotional and psychological domination.

You don't have to say "I'm thinking of ending the relationship" you just have to talk. That's what you have to do in every relationship. If this is playing on his mind, he should have been open with the OP and explain why it was so offensive to him and why he needs to hear thank you when he does something nice. He would then be giving the OP points to consider, the opportunity to open a dialogue and an opportunity for himself to make a call on the future of the relationship with input from the OP.

But he's not doing that. He's giving the OP nothing to consider except just how angry he is and so the OP comes to him, begs him, desperate for forgiveness. It's vile and if alarm bells should be set off from a forgotten thank you, this warrants an air raid siren, complete with flashing lights and the emergency broadcasting system information programme.

If he deems her as acceptable to remain with, what's he going to do the next time she upsets him? A week with no contact? What about after that?

*max*

Massive, childish overreaction from boyfriend.

I can understand feeling a bit miffed if I paid for something "special" and received no acknowlegement, but that doesn't warrant sulking for days and trying to make your girlfriend feel like !!!!!!.

He didn't even organise it himself, he just asked her along and paid for the tickets. It's not like it was a special trip that took weeks to organise and plan to surprise her. I think he wanted to be made to feel like a prince for buying a ticket to Alton Towers and expected her to be gushing about how grateful she is. Doesn't bode well for the future, really. How much is she going to have to thank him if he ever took her to Paris or something?

Ok, if someone asked me along to something and paid for my ticket/food, I would automatically say "That was fun, thank you!". But sulking for days is not on - especially since she apologised! They're adults in a relationship, not 10 year olds in the playground.

missbiggles1

Tropez wrote: »

What he's doing seems more like attempted emotional and psychological domination.

You don't have to say "I'm thinking of ending the relationship" you just have to talk. That's what you have to do in every relationship. If this is playing on his mind, he should have been open with the OP and explain why it was so offensive to him and why he needs to hear thank you when he does something nice. He would then be giving the OP points to consider, the opportunity to open a dialogue and an opportunity for himself to make a call on the future of the relationship with input from the OP.

But he's not doing that. He's giving the OP nothing to consider except just how angry he is and so the OP comes to him, begs him, desperate for forgiveness. It's vile and if alarm bells should be set off from a forgotten thank you, this warrants an air raid siren, complete with flashing lights and the emergency broadcasting system information programme.

If he deems her as acceptable to remain with, what's he going to do the next time she upsets him? A week with no contact? What about after that?

Why should someone need to explain how rude it is not to thank someone - it's so basic? As for giving the OP "points to consider" now that really would be inexcusable behaviour.

I'm afraid I think your response is a vast overreaction and doesn't help the OP at all.