Is he being immature?

Tropez

tea_lover wrote: »

I suppose it depends on whether you see his behaviour as a) sulking and punishing the OP, or b) taking some time to think about whether this is someone he wants to be with long-term.

I'm erring towards b) as the lack of manners in not even saying thank you would really have bugged me. Of course, it could be a) - in which case, yeah, he's not behaving great.

I certainly wouldn't say he's being controlling, manipulative and pathetic though.

If he was taking time out, he'd have made some excuses.

The world's biggest numpty knows what will happen if they cold-shoulder their girlfriend and the only reason any man ever does it is to stick them in their place and let them know they have been a bad girl. It's like putting a prisoner in solitary confinement.

The lack of manners would have bugged you, fair enough - but would you not want to explain to somebody you supposedly like enough to take them on these outings why it bugs you, why you feel manners and respect are important and leave them with something a bit more important to think about other than what a nasty person they are for their forgetful ways?

"Hey, listen, I can't say that you not saying thank you didn't bug me. I just feel that manners and respect are important in a relationship and I would only want to be with someone who shares those values. This is kind of a deal-breaker to me, so I need to know we're on the same page if this is gonna last. Anyway, look, I'm gonna be busy for the next few days so I'll talk to you then and we'll go from there. Okay?"

Is that not a bit better than [ignore]?

susieq87

supermum4 wrote: »

wow some people seem to have some serious issues which I don't think is helping the OP (THERAPY MAY BE NEEDED LOL)

OP wait until you meet with him again and try to talk things through and then make a decision on your relationship based on that outcome, best of luck hun let us know how it goes

i asked him to dinner tonight which he accepted and even though i have not made a decision on whether i am going to continue with the relationship or not i think a lot will be determined by how we interact.

i agree with ALOT of the posters here.
- i dont think i deserve the silent treatment. i understand that to some i might have come across as ungrateful but if i were in his shoes i would think back on the other times that we have been out and i have always said thank you so i would put it down to slip of the mind.
- i do think the way he has handled this was extreme, fair enough if he is thinking twice about the relationship then i understand but if it was to punish me then i will walk away because i do not believe in punishing people esp when they have apologised.

Tropez

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Why should someone need to explain how rude it is not to thank someone - it's so basic? As for giving the OP "points to consider" now that really would be inexcusable behaviour.

I'm afraid I think your response is a vast overreaction and doesn't help the OP at all.

And I think your response is extremely naive.

Someone doesn't say thank you, you point it out, they apologise. If after the apology you are still so miffed then there's clearly something a bit more deep-seated than it being standard behaviour.

At worst, he's not a nice man and at best, he's an overgrown man-child who will act childishly every time the OP does something to annoy him. Both are going to be a lot of work to deal with.

tattycath

Sorry, but I'm in the 'good manners cost nothing' camp.
I am married and I have always, and still say thank you for trips out meals he cooks, doing something thoughtful, being considerate etc
It's not pathetic, he isn't controlling, it's just good manners.

susieq87

tattycath wrote: »

Sorry, but I'm in the 'good manners cost nothing' camp.
I am married and I have always, and still say thank you for trips out meals he cooks, doing something thoughtful, being considerate etc
It's not pathetic, he isn't controlling, it's just good manners.

would you be ok with it if your OH ignored you if you didnt say thank you once?
keep in mind, i always say thank you and i am with the good manners camp but since we as human beings are deeply flawed i think i would understand if someone forgot to thank me for something if their previous history they had been appreciative.

74jax

How can he be ignoring you though when you have said even after the outing you text and you've invited him to dinner and he accepted. that's not ignoring you. Ignoring you would be not having heard from him since the day.

He treated you, his girlfirend of only a couple of months, to a nice day out and got no thanks. So he's miffed.

You can't say in one sentance he is ignoring you then in another you've been texting.

I would let him get over being annoyed with you - we all get annoyed, I get annoyed at my OH and we've been together for 9 years, I can't just be annoyed then not in the flip of a coin.

You are clearly still texting and talking, I think you know you did wrong and have tried to fix it. Just because he didn't jump through hoops doesn't make him wrong or you wrong.

You've been going out around 8 weeks, of course you're both assessing the new relationship. Don't get all controlling and read more into it than what there is.

You're having a meal, can you not just talk about it, see how things lie and go from there.

I personally would leave the guy for a few days, he may decide the relationship isn't for him, you may decide the same or you both might just decide to meet at the weekend and go for a meal.

This is sooooooo early days in your relationship.

fivetide

susieq87 wrote: »

i asked him to dinner tonight which he accepted and even though i have not made a decision on whether i am going to continue with the relationship or not i think a lot will be determined by how we interact.

i agree with ALOT of the posters here.
- i dont think i deserve the silent treatment. i understand that to some i might have come across as ungrateful but if i were in his shoes i would think back on the other times that we have been out and i have always said thank you so i would put it down to slip of the mind.
- i do think the way he has handled this was extreme, fair enough if he is thinking twice about the relationship then i understand but if it was to punish me then i will walk away because i do not believe in punishing people esp when they have apologised.

Can't fault this OP.

susieq87

74jax wrote: »

How can he be ignoring you though when you have said even after the outing you text and you've invited him to dinner and he accepted. that's not ignoring you. Ignoring you would be not having heard from him since the day.

You can't say in one sentance he is ignoring you then in another you've been texting.

You are clearly still texting and talking, I think you know you did wrong and have tried to fix it. Just because he didn't jump through hoops doesn't make him wrong or you wrong.

i didnt speak to him since monday morning when i called him and he said he was busy. i asked him to dinner last night but since that 5 second call on monday i hadnt heard from him until yesterday when i texted him asking if everything was ok

Georgiegirl256

tea_lover wrote: »

Manners are obviously more important to some than others.

I think this is what it boils down to.

I can't abide bad manners. How hard is to say a simple "thank you"? No one is expecting anyone to bow down and kiss the persons feet (as has been mentioned in this thread), merely a simple "thank you, I really enjoyed today" would suffice.

For the people who are saying he is controlling, a bully and whatever else has been mentioned....that is rather an extreme reaction. Maybe the guy has every right to be miffed, and maybe he's miffed because he feels he is being taken advantage of? It would be interesting to know if this kind of thing had happened before, maybe the guy has got a good reason, and yes, maybe he is rethinking his relationship to find someone who has even the most basic of manners and who can say thank you when someone has treated them?

tattycath

susieq87 wrote: »

would you be ok with it if your OH ignored you if you didnt say thank you once?
keep in mind, i always say thank you and i am with the good manners camp but since we as human beings are deeply flawed i think i would understand if someone forgot to thank me for something if their previous history they had been appreciative.

Bearing in mind I have been with my husband for over 8 years and you have only been in your relationship for around 8 or so weeks-there really is no comparison.
You forgot your manners and for this he appears to have thrown the teddies out of the pram, however, as many have already said, he is probably assessing his options and whether he wants the relationship to continue.
In his defence, perhaps, as it's such a new relationship he may be trying to weigh up whether it was forgetfulness on your part or the shape of things to come. For all we know he may have been taken for granted and hurt in this way in the past-so doesn't want to make the same mistake again.
The only thing you can do is have your meal together and both decide from there whether or not you want the relationship to continue.