Is he being immature?

FBaby

Maybe, just maybe, there have been an number of incidence where OP has taken for granted what her boyfriend has done for her and he has excuse her behaviour each time. Maybe this was a bit of test, when he thought that he'll see how it goes, hopefully she will share her appreciation and all will be forgotten, except that it only confirmed his concerns that she is with him for what he can give her rather than who he is. Maybe he already has insecurities about being used and that makes him more sensitive to such things.

I decided to step away from a friendship last year because I felt it was always me making all the efforts in our friendship and she just took it for granted. She is not big of thank you too. I can't remember what triggered me decided to step away, but it would have been one particular incident too. I know she moaned to other friends about me, that's fine. It shows clearly that hasn't bothered to reflect even for one second why I might have gone cold.

iammumtoone

I regularly take a friend out with me when we go to places as she can't drive, I don't think she ever says a specific 'thank you for taking me' kind of thanks. I has never crossed my mind to think about it before. I know she is thankful and grateful as to how she acts during the trip, she might offer to buy me lunch for example. She always says thanks at the time of asking if she would like to come, she is polite and friendly during our day together.

By the time we get back it is often late and I suppose like me she is starting to think of what time she has to be up for work in the morning etc. We are both tired and glad to be home so we can relax for a bit. That is not the time to be having to remember and think that you have to say thank you! especially as you have been expressing thanks during the day, why labour the point.

I don't want her to thank me anyway I enjoyed her company and if anything I suppose I should be thanking her for coming with me as she made the day more enjoyable than going on my own.

January20

DUTR wrote: »

Well yes, but only when not in a way to make them feel 'inferior' (and I'm not accusing anybody here of doing so), even if I say it myself, I am nice, and do nice things for people, although one has to be wary of those that take advantage of other people's good nature, hence the latter lines of my earlier post.

I never meant it in the sense of making them feel inferior! Why would you do something nice for somebody to make them feel inferior? In any case, isn't that a bit of an oxymoron? If I do something nice for somebody, yes I will get pleasure out of it, but I do it for them, not for me, not to make them feel inferior.

I agree that you have to be careful because a lot of the times, if you are nice, it is misread for being weak and some may look upon it as an open invitation to use you.

seven-day-weekend

I do think the OP should have said Thank You. It is common courtesy. However, she made a mistake, and has apologised. He can either accept her apology or be so hurt by her actions that he can't forget it. If he has accepted her apology then that should be the end of it. If he can't forgive her they should be discussing it. What is totally unacceptable is the silent treatment. What a childish way to behave.

Georgiegirl256

iammumtoone wrote: »

I regularly take a friend out with me when we go to places as she can't drive, I don't think she ever says a specific 'thank you for taking me' kind of thanks. I has never crossed my mind to think about it before. I know she is thankful and grateful as to how she acts during the trip, she might offer to buy me lunch for example. She always says thanks at the time of asking if she would like to come, she is polite and friendly during our day together.

By the time we get back it is often late and I suppose like me she is starting to think of what time she has to be up for work in the morning etc. We are both tired and glad to be home so we can relax for a bit. That is not the time to be having to remember and think that you have to say thank you! especially as you have been expressing thanks during the day, why labour the point.

I don't want her to thank me anyway I enjoyed her company and if anything I suppose I should be thanking her for coming with me as she made the day more enjoyable than going on my own.

That's the key point though. Did the OP say thank you and such like during the day, when the trip was offered etc etc? If she did, then yes I guess the guy is over-reacting a bit and should accept her apology and move on.

If not though, and she had a face like a slapped a*se all day! then I can totally see why the guy would be left wondering if she'd had a good time.

Nobody should do anything nice for someone else for selfish reasons or because they want showed with praise or gratitude I agree. But it's usually the done things let the other person know that you've enjoyed yourself/like your gift (even if you don't!) IMO. Manners really do cost nothing.

But I guess what it boils down to is if this has happened before, and as FBaby says above whether or not the guy feels like he's being taken for granted.

Maybe he's doing really nice things for the OP, treating her etc but getting little or no feedback? If that is the case, he can't keep on flogging a dead horse, so no wonder he's reacting like he is.

artbaron

I haven't read most of the responses but the gist seems to be he made too much of it but was basically in the right. My advice (as a bloke, BTW) is it doesn't matter if he's right or not, I'd be careful. From what you've described I can picture this guy - always keeping score, fixated on his own entitlement and becoming increasingly controlling as time goes by. He sounds semi-autistic. His communication, as reported by you, is not normal. That's my input FWIW.

susieq87

i am going to try and summarise this as much as possible without draining you all!

we spoke during dinner and he said he was upset about me not saying thank you because of the effort that had gone in getting the tickets, organising travel to accommodate me and felt that a smiple thank you woud have been nice and my apology was not very sincere since it was via text, i should have called him.
i explained that i replied to his message - if he had called me i would have spoke about over the phone.
on sunday (the day after the trip) his friends and family asked him if i had enjoyed myself and he said that he didnt know because i hadnt said anything to him about it. from there they started speculating as to why i wouldnt have said anything and he felt like maybe i wasnt all that interested in him so he decided to distance himself away from me.
when i asked him why i hadnt heard from him since the phone call in the morning he said he was still upset and if i had made conversation with him he'd have spoken to me but i didnt until wednesday morning to which he was surprised because he thought i was going to wait for him to contact me.

in a nutshell he said that he was drawing back because he thought i wasnt interested, he feels like he always have to initiate contact with me and carry the conversations (i am generally a quiet person) and from saturday it made him feel as though i really wasnt interested because i could have at least said something when i got home or the next day saying i had enjoyed myself because my silence made it seem like i hadnt.

purpleshoes_2

susieq87 wrote: »

i am going to try and summarise this as much as possible without draining you all!

we spoke during dinner and he said he was upset about me not saying thank you because of the effort that had gone in getting the tickets, organising travel to accommodate me and felt that a smiple thank you woud have been nice and my apology was not very sincere since it was via text, i should have called him.
i explained that i replied to his message - if he had called me i would have spoke about over the phone.
on sunday (the day after the trip) his friends and family asked him if i had enjoyed myself and he said that he didnt know because i hadnt said anything to him about it. from there they started speculating as to why i wouldnt have said anything and he felt like maybe i wasnt all that interested in him so he decided to distance himself away from me.
when i asked him why i hadnt heard from him since the phone call in the morning he said he was still upset and if i had made conversation with him he'd have spoken to me but i didnt until wednesday morning to which he was surprised because he thought i was going to wait for him to contact me.

in a nutshell he said that he was drawing back because he thought i wasnt interested, he feels like he always have to initiate contact with me and carry the conversations (i am generally a quiet person) and from saturday it made him feel as though i really wasnt interested because i could have at least said something when i got home or the next day saying i had enjoyed myself because my silence made it seem like i hadnt.

Sounds like way too much drama. Don't really know what else to say, but it just sounds like misery and Id be wondering whether he really was the person for me in the long term.

[Deleted User]

Relationship pro-tip: Don't EVER communicate important stuff by text

I'm sure you two can sort this out by talking to each other openly

susieq87

ringo_24601 wrote: »

Relationship pro-tip: Don't EVER communicate important stuff by text

I'm sure you two can sort this out by talking to each other openly

i agree. i feel like the whole situation could have been handled differently if the conversation was had in person or on the phone instead of via text