What is appropriate re friend staying?

moneyistooshorttomention

picklekin wrote: »

Personally I think cards are very much an older generation thing, and, IMO, a waste of good trees and postage. I might send a thank you email though. I would however turn up with a box of chocs and a bottle of wine to "thank you for having me". I'd not pay for petrol unless it was us that was driving, as that would have to be a financial transaction and between friends is a bit.. crass? I would buy them a good meal though (£20 for a meal AND wine, where do you live again??). However this would only happen if it occurred naturally (i.e. we did happen to go for a meal, then I'd offer to pay) I wouldn't engineer it just to "pay them for the holiday". I think my company alone is payment enough!

Possibly an older generation thing re thank you letters. But person concerned and myself are both "older generation", so same set of expectations. An email would serve same purpose I guess....though no pretty picture...

I did think c. £30 for meal. Maybe I should have made it £40. The point is "pretty standard cost meal and nothing expensive".

moneyistooshorttomention

Peter333 wrote: »

To be honest, on the occasions we have had family/friends visiting; we have paid for travelodge rooms for them (there is one 7 miles or so from us,) and we have driven them there after they have been to our home. The Travelodge is in the town, so they can also do lots of things without us, and have easy transport links.

TBH, my wife's cousin and husband came last year, and they stayed at our house for NINE HOURS (midday til 9pm,) and we were shattered by the time they went back to their hotel room.

We have had people stay in the past, but we literally cannot stand it now. I would pay for the hotel and taxis for visitors, rather than let them stay with us. Similarly, we don't stay at anyone else's home either - we always get a room ourselves. TBH, our guests AND us are happy with this situation. Everyone needs space and privacy.

Wow!

The thought had literally never occurred to me of paying for someone else's holiday accommodation!!!:eek:

Am guessing you come from VERY different social circles to me personally.

It just wouldn't happen as far as I am concerned to do anything remotely like that.:eek:

But it would be irrelevant to me personally anyway, ie because there is no way I could cover someone else's costs like that. I literally couldn't find the money to do so.

Peter333

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Wow!

The thought had literally never occurred to me of paying for someone else's holiday accommodation!!!:eek:

Am guessing you come from VERY different social circles to me personally.

It just wouldn't happen as far as I am concerned to do anything remotely like that.:eek:

Three questions:

Why do you assume I come from different 'social circles' to you?

What 'social circles' do you come from?

Bit puzzled sorry.

Lily-Rose_3

I am guessing the OP is assuming you're well-off/middle class Peter.

Paying for someone's holiday accommodation would suggest that you're not short of a bob or two IMO.

Although, having said that, a travelodge room is fairly cheap and can be bought for about £25 a night per room for 3 people. Don't forget that moneyistoshorttomention.

Maybe this could be/would be an option. Suggest it, and offer to pay half maybe? If you can afford it.

As for your OP; just say people can come for a few days and leave it at that. Just say you are a bit busy.

lostinrates

Guests pay for their own travel to here. Many come by train.

If they have a car and go off for the day I expect them to sort that out, I am only to please to drop at stations.

If I am taking out or going on trips I expect to pay for petrol etc. its part of hosting, however, guests would normally offer to buy a snack/light meal if we eat while out.

Food while in my house I expect to provide. I expect to provide amply for tastes and needs ( vegans, vegetarians, food allergies) but not picky ness...... Any particular must haves I would take with me, and expect people to pick up for themselves too.

I am perfectly happy with a hug and a thank you. Last weekend we had a houseful and I had some follow up thank you emails, they DO sit better than nothing but IMO are preferable to cards, they are free, don't create clutter, and are just as heartfelt IMO.

moneyistooshorttomention

Lily-Rose wrote: »

I am guessing the OP is assuming you're well-off/middle class Peter.

Paying for someone's holiday accommodation would suggest that you're not short of a bob or two IMO.

Although, having said that, a travelodge room is fairly cheap and can be bought for about £25 a night per room for 3 people. Don't forget that moneyistoshorttomention.

Maybe this could be/would be an option. Suggest it, and offer to pay half maybe? If you can afford it.

As for your OP; just say people can come for a few days and leave it at that. Just say you are a bit busy.

Actually, I've never even heard of anyone doing this. If that's what you want to do...then totally up to you obviously. I've just never even heard of it and couldn't even afford to think about it if I had. As I have to think twice (thrice...etc....etc) about whether I myself can afford to pay for a nights stay somewhere, then the thought literally wouldn't cross my mind of paying for someone else's stay somewhere.

If someone comes to see me then, in my book, they probably stay with me or, failing that, then stay somewhere else (but the thought wouldn't cross my mind for one second of me paying for that).

To me, then its up to me to make sure I have plenty of bedding in and enough bedspace of one description or another and plenty of food in to cover any meals in we decide to have and that's where my Host Obligations finish.

Mojisola

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Paying for someone's holiday accommodation would suggest that you're not short of a bob or two IMO.

Maybe this could be/would be an option. Suggest it, and offer to pay half maybe? If you can afford it.

I can't imagine going to visit someone and expecting them to pay for my hotel room!

Buzzybee90

Going to visit someone and them paying for a hotel!? Unless they'd asked you to visit for some event then that's very odd.

sterlingstash

I imagine paying for peoples hotel is usually reciprocating/offering the expected hospitality when you feel unable to have people to stay. Eg, when my family from overseas come over (who will always host us when we visit them) and we don;t feel able to have them to stay (eg new baby) then I will put them up at a hotel.

moneyistooshorttomention

Thanks Mojisola,

In my own social circles then it would not be unusual for a wedding to involve the organiser arranging a block booking for accommodation at a suitable hotel at a discount price for the "vaguer" relatives and then telling people that "Its up to you....you can stay there if you please.....or not if you wont/cant afford" and its up to the relatives as to whether they were friendly enough to say "Stay for the night at ours" or to just ignore the fact of a nights accommodation needed (ie because I've come from a bit of a "mixed" background, so there are some different expectatations as to how to deal with things) as to how things are for people in my somewhat "mixed" family personally. My relatives go all the way through from "poor as churchmice" to "millionaires" and I'm in the poverty-stricken lot.

Re weddings I know all the way from business associates come and its mere "peckings" on the food front (but presented in a "fancy" way) through to "anyone and everyone comes EXCEPT business acquaintances and there is plenty of food to eat" and have a personal preference for the "everyone comes and there is plenty to eat" scenario.

Right now...I'm talking about my own life personally and what to do re friends.

But...for right now...we are on about what is expected/appropriate socially re houseguests for holidays....