What is appropriate re friend staying?

Lucy_Lastic

I had agreed earlier this year that a friend and her daughter would visit in August (they have done for a few years now) and I had a text asking if 18-24 Aug (7 nights :eek:) would be OK, but if too much then no problem. I sent a text back saying, how about 18-22 Aug (4 nights)? The reply was "Great, thanks, looking forward to it!" I will be getting a bit twitchy after the 3rd night! Love 'em dearly, but also love to see them go home!

Is it me?

*max*

Blimey! You've certainly given this a lot of thought...even though you've just moved and nobody has even asked yet!

moneyistooshorttomention

quidsy wrote: »

Too many variables, how many staying, kids or no kids, how well you know each other, whether they expect you tocook & tidy up after them like, if they just want the use of house & don't want you to get too involved or if they expect you join in the days out.

I personally would be offering to only those I know very well & for only very short timeframes, no more than a week at a time & expect them to buy their own food, drinks & deal with their own transport etc. And that would be for family & really good friends. Anyone else would be turned down.

I'd expect no thank you car or gift, their respect of my home & privacy proves more than a superficial note/bottle of wine.

You've brought up some valid points here.

The sharing out of housework/etc is also a valid point and one I am not so much concerned with personally. I don't have children and am in an agegroup where children wouldn't be involved. Whether people had chosen to have children in their 20s or when I personally would have (ie in my 30s) isn't applicable personally because I myself am now late middle-age and therefore both groups of people have now had their respective children reach adult age and its not applicable personally. I know it would be for some.

My personal take is that "I know the area by now and its up to me to show guest around and work out what destinations they personally would like out of the ones I myself like". I'm pretty good (I think!) at working out what would suit....

moneyistooshorttomention

*max* wrote: »

Blimey! You've certainly given this a lot of thought...even though you've just moved and nobody has even asked yet!

Oh...they have...and they've been and gone (ie I've been "host" already) and that's why I am wondering......ie as to what is the norm in these situations...

*max*

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Oh...they have...and they've been and gone (ie I've been "host" already) and that's why I am wondering......ie as to what is the norm in these situations...

Aaaaah right! That's different then.

Buzzybee90

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Oh...they have...and they've been and gone (ie I've been "host" already) and that's why I am wondering......ie as to what is the norm in these situations...

What happened?

dundeediva

I have a similar situation but abroad. My BIL lives in Canada and when we go to visit, he picks us up from the airport (or arranges transport) and we stay at his house for the duration of the holiday. We take them out at least once for a family meal (7 of us) and we also pay half (or all) of any food/grocery shopping while we're there, including toiletries etc.

It works well for us as we get a brilliant holiday at a fraction of the cost and he likes it too as we babysit his kids, cook, clean etc while we're there.

Win/win

Mojisola

*max* wrote: »

Blimey! You've certainly given this a lot of thought...even though you've just moved and nobody has even asked yet!

Best time to do it!

There have been some stressed-out posters on here who didn't set parameters and were being driven mad by family and friends inviting themselves (rather than asking if they could visit) and then expecting to have all their holiday expenses covered by their hosts.

It's much harder to say "We're not doing things like this any more" than it is to set the rules before the first visit.

I would say forget "etiquette" - do what suits you.

InsideInsurance

It really does depend on many variables , how much of a "friend" they are, how much you actually want to see them, how much time they actually want to see you -v- just using you as a crashpad.

In no case would I pay for them to come to me. Now, the petrol to pick them up at the train station isnt something thats even going to cross my mind.

There are friends that come and visit us, we want to see each other, we spend time with each other. They, like others have said, turn up with wine/ rum/ whiskey. Each pays their own way for attractions etc probably simply just alternate for meals/ buying drinks for home etc.


Now other "friends"/ family really are coming just there because its cheaper to stay with us than hotels. Most we've said no to but occasionally had some come but in those cases its much more a case of ensuring they are paying their own way. Then again when our cousin came to stay for 2 weeks we probably spent at most 4 hours together and the rest of the time they were in their room or off with friends (who had said he couldnt stay with them)

Kastanie

Mojisola wrote: »

Best time to do it!

There have been some stressed-out posters on here who didn't set parameters and were being driven mad by family and friends inviting themselves (rather than asking if they could visit) and then expecting to have all their holiday expenses covered by their hosts.

It's much harder to say "We're not doing things like this any more" than it is to set the rules before the first visit.

I would say forget "etiquette" - do what suits you.

Yep, I agree! One such tale from MSE stands out in my mind:

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4733192