Ladies - leaving men 'jobs' to do

JethroUK

ska_lover wrote: »

Morning all,

We went to visit friends recently, and noticed that the lady of the house, writes ''to do'' lists for her husband for while she is out of the house, or on opposite shifts to him. There must have been a good 12 hours work for him, on his day off

I personally don't, but does anyone else do this?

Yeah my wife does - but I have a great plan for all men out there

1/ Start work before she leaves the house and put in about half hour

2/ Abandon work and tools down *where they land* and go on Playstation for a couple hours

3/ Here her at the door - Wipe the sweat off your brow whilst telling her "that rhododendron root was a !!!!!! to shift" and plod back out and finish last half hour and put the tools away and tidy up

Been using this trick for 30 years and it's a total winner

Cyclamen

A bit differen here as I am mostly housebound and hubby works from home but we create some lists together, they seem to continuously grow and change as things are crossed off and added on.

Either one of us adds to the list and we then 'cherry pick' the jobs that we want to do or are most important.

I tend to get admin, online shopping and so on.. and sit down jobs he tends to do the more physical stuff.

It's purely a memory and organisational tool for us. I would never dream of saying you must do X, Y and Z but someone walking in might see a long list in my handwriting on the table.

seven-day-weekend

maman wrote: »

I'm really surprised how many people have said that they write lists for their OH.


DH and I seem to manage our own time perfectly well without any 'interference' from the other. We sometimes write our own lists if we need to but I wouldn't dream of doing one for him or vice versa.


Imagine how I'd feel if I'd got up this morning to a list that said: change towels in bathrooms, put washing machine on, handwash silk dress (in case I didn't know otherwise), ironing, make lunch, prep veg for evening meal etc etc...

Exactly! So patronising (unless of course the couple have agreed it between them).

I have never left my husband a list. He does what he thinks need doing, the same as I do. He's a grown-up, he can make up his own mind. And why should his way be inferior to mine? He just gets on with it.

(Although I suppose if you were married to the lazy s0ds some on here seem to be, then I suppose you'd have to leave some sort of instructions. But I would not like to be married to a man like that. I'd have no respect for him).

System

Judi wrote: »

I think leaving lists is a bit demeaning to be honest. If I wanted something done though I'd ask straight out..... Not that I ask very often.

Having second thoughts about writing this post.

Hubby used to work away a lot and the bits and pieces in the house that needed doing never got done. Bits of DIY etc. Something would break and I'd forget to tell him when he came home so we worked a system where I'd write down things that needed fixing when he came home on a weekend.

He'd tell me off for not telling him that stuff needed doing but I genuinely forgot. I'd lived with what was wrong for so long I just didn't think about it.

Still think lists are demeaning though.

roobee13

I'm really lucky that me and my OH are pretty much 50/50 with household jobs and we never have to mention if something needs doing. I don't iron (never have, but he hates creased clothes!) but then I always do the bathroom as I don't mind it.

For instance, tonight we said lets spend a few hours blitzing the house so we can enjoy the weekend

My ex was unbelievably lazy and I did try the list idea a few times to no avail. I used to spend my entire Saturday cleaning, washing etc (and obviously being resentful for it) while he was most likely at the golf course! As another poster said, it's another reason he's an ex.

I think if lists work for you then who are others to judge but I couldn't live like that personally. Seems a bit controlling and patronising.

Different strokes for different folks!

hgotsparkle

Mine is very good and seeing when a load needs washing, even noticing if we're very low on powder enough to nip out and buy some!
If he wasn't this way, then no, I wouldn't. If he didn't do things I honestly don't think it would annoy me much as I've always enjoyed cleaning and looking after him.
I'd also hate to be seen as nag.

pinkteapot

carrielovesfanta wrote: »

My OH asked me to write lists for him as he forgets or doesn't see things that need doing. He's very wiling to help but needs a bit of guidance. I try to keep it to a couple of things only though!

Exactly the same here! I just ask rather than write lists, though it needs to be a list if there's many things or he forgets them.

I hated asking him to do stuff at first as it felt like nagging. But he just doesn't seem to see what needs doing and doesn't mind me asking. Stops me getting grumpy about having to do everything.

victory

Oh lists, my speciality, love lists:D can't live without a list, often get :rotfl::rotfl: with so many lists on the go, lists for xmas, lists for holidays, lists for shopping, lists for going into town, love lists:D:D but to write one for OH uhm no, we have a white board in the kitchen that things get put on and easy come, if someone wants to see it and do it, crack on, it was mainly before for the kids, pocket money chores lists type of things but never directed at OH here is your list you have to do these things on it, no:D

We often talk about what needs doing or he will go and do it etc but not specific here is a list and it has to be done by 11pm this evening, I reckon my OH would not do it just because I had made him up a list;)

Ezmondino

liney wrote: »

I will leave requests like - hang out washing when the machine has finished, or hoover the stairs. Mainly because, unless told, both male and females don't seem to 'see' things that need doing.

Fixed it for you. Most of my female partners have equally been unobservant. As I'm sure many men are.

lostinrates

maman wrote: »

Imagine how I'd feel if I'd got up this morning to a list that said: change towels in bathrooms, put washing machine on, handwash silk dress (in case I didn't know otherwise), ironing, make lunch, prep veg for evening meal etc etc...

I write myself lists like that because my husband doesn't wear silk dresses, but if I list things that need to be hand washed to get her if can group them and make a job of it with quite a few things at once, much more suitable for me than just hand washing the dress,. But he has emailed me some stuff for this week that we talked about yesterday and this morning and on the way to the station, and a few other things. With instructions equivalent to hand wash.

How do I feel? Ready to organise my self to incorporate these tasks into the week.

I don't feel demeaned by his lists, he doesn't feel demeaned by mine. I'm not sure why some have had such violent reactions to lists! If you're not list people and are naturally organised doers, lucky you! Others among us for various reasons like lists. I've always liked lists because they help me stay organised. Since memory problems associated with health problems they are beyond helpful.

DH is just a bit drifty, he starts lots of jobs and works like stink, but finds it hard to focus and finish and prioritise, partly because he's only here such a short time. . Me noting what's a pita through the week he can attend to, and then we can try and tackle the jobs.

I dislike nagging too, and when I wasn't list writing we struggled a bit because he felt I wasn't clearly communicating what would help me most and I was feeling I was not nagging by not repeating something I had mentioned while he was away when he came back. Or I forgot it till the problem recurred when he was away.

Lists resolve this for us. Its just practical, nothing about status or trust or parent/ child business. In fact, its a way we've resolved to effectively problem solve a communication issue that tackles the particular dimension challenges we face in our relationship if one wants to get silly over it. But simply, for us it works, When we don't we get less done and feel a bit flat about it. If it doesn't work for both people in a relationship it doesn't work at all, so don't do it and find a different solution!