Ladies - leaving men 'jobs' to do

carrielovesfanta

Typical example of OH requiring a list/note

On Friday I went to visit a friend overnight. OH was at home on his own. It was a scorching hot day and we grow vegetables in pots on the patio.

At half 8 I rang OH to ask if he'd watered the garden. It hadn't even crossed his mind. If I'd left a note saying "please water veg when you get in" he would have been happy to.

I hate leaving notes, but it has to be done. He's not really a well bunny so he struggles to remember things like that.

seven-day-weekend

Reminding someone to water pots in hot weather is one thing. Telling them not to forget to put the shopping away and to put the frozen stuff goes in the freezer is quite another. IMHO.

carrielovesfanta

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Reminding someone to water pots in hot weather is one thing. Telling them not to forget to put the shopping away and to put the frozen stuff goes in the freezer is quite another. IMHO.

Oo I didn't read that bit! That's a bit extreme!

sulphate

I leave my husband a list when he's not working and when I am. He doesn't find it demeaning, he said it's helpful because otherwise he wanders round the house debating on what to do first.

I don't need to tell him to put frozen stuff in the freezer though! My lists generally contain things like "ironing" "hoover lounge" "do meter readings" etc.

Whattodonow

I have to leave a list because my OH just doesn't seem to "see" what needs doing. Genuinely.

He is fine with it and it makes our lives a lot easier TBH.

millysg1

Funny enough, my husbaands just asked me to leave him a to do list for his day off tomorrow.

I dont see leaving lists as demeaning.

Cleaning, diy and cooking etc is 50/50 in our house and my husband will do anything that he sees needs doing, from hoovering to washing clothes and cleaning the kistchen.

But there are certain, non everyday things that need doing that my husband just cant seem to keep track off. Some of these are his own tasks he has choosen to give himself, i.e. he wants to put some shelves up in his study and fixing his record player. He has been planning to do both of these for the last 6 months but free time just hasnt been abundant recently. I remember eveything he mentions so when he has a day off he asks for list of stuff thats needs doing, not that i expect him to do everything nor do i give any priority so he can choose what he does.

These type of things include,
fixing a bit of paint in the spare room
re wriring a plug
putting new boarder in garden
demossing the lawn.

The list of stuff we want to do around the house always feel never ending but i remind him of what needs doing in a list and he can work on bits and pieces while i work.

Cant see how that could be bad like some people think.

paddy's_mum

There's this thing called 'absent minded'. It's well known and has been occurring in human beings since the dawn of time. Today we call such individuals airheads, or ditzy or scatty but it's the same syndrome at work in every case.

It isn't based on laziness or can't-be-bothered or learning difficulties of some kind. It just is how some people are made.

I've got one of those and all the rows in the world aren't going to turn him into Mister Mighty Memory so rather than fight against it, I write a list.

We don't find it demeaning to give a disabled person an aid to mobility or a child weak in maths some extra tuition, do we?

Gloomendoom

paddy's_mum wrote: »

There's this thing called 'absent minded'. It's well known and has been occurring in human beings since the dawn of time. Today we call such individuals airheads, or ditzy or scatty but it's the same syndrome at work in every case.

It isn't based on laziness or can't-be-bothered or learning difficulties of some kind. It just is how some people are made.

I've got one of those and all the rows in the world aren't going to turn him into Mister Mighty Memory so rather than fight against it, I write a list.

We don't find it demeaning to give a disabled person an aid to mobility or a child weak in maths some extra tuition, do we?

Exactly, but some people seem to make hobby of getting needlessly offended on other peoples' behalf.

Goldiegirl

paddy's_mum wrote: »

But what do you do if your husband, genetically speaking, is by Mr Magoo via Mr Pastry and cannot and does not work all that out for himself?

What if your husband, kind to the marrow of his bones though he may be, does sometimes almost warrant being told 'pants first, trousers after' as an earlier poster mentioned?

Do you row or resent constantly or do you take the pragmatic, waste avoiding and cheaper-to-prevent-than-remedy course of leaving a list?

I leave lists as I much prefer to avoid trouble, avoid raising my blood pressure to Vesuvius level, and avoid the damage that constant frustrated anger does to the fabric of a relationship.

Demeaning? No - kindly and wise, in my view.

If any of the above applied, I probably wouldn't have married him in the first place

seven-day-weekend

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Exactly, but some people seem to make hobby of getting needlessly offended on other peoples' behalf.

My husband is actually quite absent-minded, but he doesn't need telling to put frozen food in the freezer. That IS demeaning!

An example today of how we work. We are having a summerhouse for the garden. He was clearing out the old greenhouse and taking stuff to the tip ready for the summerhouse's arrival. I did remind him he would need the keys to our son's garage, where he keeps the trailer, because otherwise he would have forgotten them, but I didn't need to tell him to take the stuff to the tip and put it in the appropriate skip. And I certainly didn't write a list telling him what order he had to do things in.

I agree some people need reminding, but the first few posts were not about things like that, at least I didn't think so, they came over as really controlling and wanting things done a certain way.

If I have misunderstood these posts, then I apologise.