Ladies - leaving men 'jobs' to do

paddy's_mum

Goldiegirl wrote: »

But I didn't leave a list saying

1). Go shopping
2). Upon return home unpack shopping bags
3) Put shopping away
4. Make sure frozen stuff goes in freezer.

He was more than capable of working all that out himself!

But what do you do if your husband, genetically speaking, is by Mr Magoo via Mr Pastry and cannot and does not work all that out for himself?

What if your husband, kind to the marrow of his bones though he may be, does sometimes almost warrant being told 'pants first, trousers after' as an earlier poster mentioned?

Do you row or resent constantly or do you take the pragmatic, waste avoiding and cheaper-to-prevent-than-remedy course of leaving a list?

I leave lists as I much prefer to avoid trouble, avoid raising my blood pressure to Vesuvius level, and avoid the damage that constant frustrated anger does to the fabric of a relationship.

Demeaning? No - kindly and wise, in my view.

aileth

I do this via text message as my husband asks me at the start of the day if any jobs need doing once I've got to work, but I only tend to give him 1-2 'tasks.'

If I didn't do this, he'd sit around all day as he's incapable of seeing things that need doing. He frequently steps over dirty washing that he's just dumped on his way enroute to somewhere else, or carefully stack up dirty dishes and then just leave them, or pick up dog poo from the grass in the back garden, having to pull away the five inch long strands of grass to see it, and then not thinking that the grass needs doing.

He knows he's terrible for it and has admitted himself that if he wasn't given any direction he'd sit on his bum all day long. I would love for him to be able to do these sorts off his back, and it does happen once in a while which is wonderful, but I've grown to accept that I'm going to have to direct him.

seven-day-weekend

paddy's_mum wrote: »

But what do you do if your husband, genetically speaking, is by Mr Magoo via Mr Pastry and cannot and does not work all that out for himself?

What if your husband, kind to the marrow of his bones though he may be, does sometimes almost warrant being told 'pants first, trousers after' as an earlier poster mentioned?

Do you row or resent constantly or do you take the pragmatic, waste avoiding and cheaper-to-prevent-than-remedy course of leaving a list?

I leave lists as I much prefer to avoid trouble, avoid raising my blood pressure to Vesuvius level, and avoid the damage that constant frustrated anger does to the fabric of a relationship.

Demeaning? No - kindly and wise, in my view.

Unless your husband has learning disabilities (and if he does, I apologise), then of course he knows he has to unpack the shopping and put the frozen stuff in the freezer. He's not three!

Or do you mean that he does not put it in the freezer in exactly the same way as you would put it in the freezer? Or is it that he is too lazy? Or can't be bothered. I honestly don't believe he doesn't know.

The type of thing that people are talking about, like leaving dishes or washing, or not doing the lawn, are the sort of thing I had to tell my son to do when he was living with us. But that's not because he didn't know, it's because he couldn't be !!!!!d. He's slightly better now he has his own flat, but not much. But his girlfriend is the same too. I don't think it is to do with gender.

My husband may not do things the way I would do them but that does not matter, who's to say my way is better than his.

I do see what you mean about leaving a list to avoid conflict. I suppose if things would not get done otherwise then this is a better alternative than arguing about it.

quidsy

I wonder who is expected to do it if the wife is at work & the husband, on his DAY OFF!!! has to do a list of jobs.

Its a case of whoever is home does it. His day off doesn't mean he gets to lay in bed all day, presumably he's a grown man not a teenager?

Robisere

OK, bloke here. We have been together 26 years to the day, from 2 days ago, beginning at 7:25 pm.

That ought to tell you how much I love and value my missus, she's a jewel. Second time for both of us, married 25 years on the 5th August this year, we are off on holiday on the 3rd. We are both retired, both have disabilities, and I believe I love her much more with every passing year. BUT...

Leave me a list? - you are having a laugh! She does not have to, in fact I wish she would ask me to do things more often. 26 years after we met, 25 years married, 27 years after she divorced the useless, workshy, violent b*****d she was trapped by, and still she struggles to do stuff without asking me! I often have to physically stop her and take over whatever she is trying to do. The guy is dead, but I curse the memory of someone who led her and our DS & DD such a terrible life. I have been the best hubby and dad I could be, I am far from perfect but between us we have 2 great kids and 4 smashing grandchildren. It took me years to release my son's mind from the memories of his biological dad, but now I have a wonderful, reliable son. Not a stepson, but as close as any father-son relationship could be. DD was not so much affected, she stood up to him, but DS was badly affected by not being able to protect his mum.

Although my OH would not have to leave me a list, if she did I would be glad to do everything on it that was in my power to do. It might finally lay to rest the bad memories.

GobbledyGook

We have a list on the whiteboard. Mainly because there are 4 adults in the house at the moment and 3 of them work full time (2 work shifts) and I'm working PT in the run up to starting uni.

I write the list because I'm the one with the most time. I probably do more of the jobs, but again that's only because I'm the one with the most time.

My OH will do everything, and he does see things, but he says himself he's rubbish at priorities. He still brings up the time he painted all the skirtings one day and basically lost track of time so I got home from a long days travel with the children and there was no dinner made. Things like that. It was great that we had nicely painted skirtings, but on that particular day putting the bedding back on the kids' beds and sorting dinner would have taken him considerably less time and would have been far more helpful!

The list usually starts with about 7 things on it and then folks add to it as they spot things (or realise they are not going to be home for things they usually do) and cross them off as they get done.

Georgiegirl256

Robisere wrote: »

OK, bloke here. We have been together 26 years to the day, from 2 days ago, beginning at 7:25 pm.

That ought to tell you how much I love and value my missus, she's a jewel. Second time for both of us, married 25 years on the 5th August this year, we are off on holiday on the 3rd. We are both retired, both have disabilities, and I believe I love her much more with every passing year. BUT...

Leave me a list? - you are having a laugh! She does not have to, in fact I wish she would ask me to do things more often. 26 years after we met, 25 years married, 27 years after she divorced the useless, workshy, violent b*****d she was trapped by, and still she struggles to do stuff without asking me! I often have to physically stop her and take over whatever she is trying to do. The guy is dead, but I curse the memory of someone who led her and our DS & DD such a terrible life. I have been the best hubby and dad I could be, I am far from perfect but between us we have 2 great kids and 4 smashing grandchildren. It took me years to release my son's mind from the memories of his biological dad, but now I have a wonderful, reliable son. Not a stepson, but as close as any father-son relationship could be. DD was not so much affected, she stood up to him, but DS was badly affected by not being able to protect his mum.

Although my OH would not have to leave me a list, if she did I would be glad to do everything on it that was in my power to do. It might finally lay to rest the bad memories.

Your posts make me go Awww! You sound like a lovely husband and Dad!

aileth

The only reason I leave mine a list is because if I verbally ask him, he either forgets or I get the, "I'll do it later", and it never materialises. He has an awful memory, and after many an argument caused by the above, he himself asked me to do him the lists!

He asks me to do things on my day off, which I do within the first couple of hours and then can do my own thing the rest of the day. He hasn't quite mastered that trick yet though.

hazyjo

My BF isn't working so does everything indoors. Yes, I do sometimes leave lists! He doesn't retain anything so asks me to. He's bipolar which I don't think helps as he gets very easily distracted!


He does the normal chores okay, but if there's something that needs doing on top, he'll never remember. Some things always stay on the list and never get done, but I'd say every month or so I'll write another list. It might include things like: wash outside windowsills (currently green in places - yuck), dust skirting boards, book doctor's appointment (he forgets for around 5 days and nearly runs out of happy pills until it goes down on a list) or to ring his dad (yes, he forgets that too - can't ring after around 1pm as his dad's always pie-eyed by then. BF never remembers until much later in the day).


We work well together He reminds me of things weirdly enough - he does that very well - but he's absolutely rubbish with his own things to remember.


Jx

Hanky_Panky

My ex wife was a list person - I once told her that if she left me a list I would wipe my 'arris with it and give it back to her