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Advice please - relationship & friends.
Comments
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Why would I do this if I didn't think it was the right thing to do and that I can handle it?!
What's the alternative? My boyfriend has a huge chunk of his life I cannot be a part of - or he has to dump friends?0 -
He had arranged for us to meet with them this week to clear the air.Why would I do this if I didn't think it was the right thing to do and that I can handle it?!
What's the alternative? My boyfriend has a huge chunk of his life I cannot be a part of - or he has to dump friends?
What does your BF think will happen at the meeting? What is his expectation of how things will be between the four of you after it?0 -
Why would I do this if I didn't think it was the right thing to do and that I can handle it?!
What's the alternative? My boyfriend has a huge chunk of his life I cannot be a part of - or he has to dump friends?
Not every one in every relationship/friendship circle get on, my OH has a friend that is let's say quirky, I'm sure he means no harm and I am polite and hospitable if he comes to the house but invariably they spend time outside together, encouraged by me but without me as we have OH in common but nothing in common with each other and so the relationship between them is theirs, I don't feel I am missing out as OH comes home and chats about x, y, and z they did but I am not physically with them but not left out... it was never suggested ' he has to dump his friends'
Surely your partner can go and see and be with if it came to that and come back and chat about it without you feeling you are 'not part of a huge chunk of his life?'0 -
Not every one in every relationship/friendship circle get on, my OH has a friend that is let's say quirky, I'm sure he means no harm and I am polite and hospitable if he comes to the house but invariably they spend time outside together, encouraged by me but without me as we have OH in common but nothing in common with each other and so the relationship between them is theirs, I don't feel I am missing out as OH comes home and chats about x, y, and z they did but I am not physically with them but not left out... it was never suggested ' he has to dump his friends'
But does that friend bad-mouth you to your OH?0 -
But does that friend bad-mouth you to your OH?
Good point, no, he is just different to me and so they go out together or I am different to him from his point of view, so I guess within the context of this thread it is a moot point;)0 -
What does your BF think will happen at the meeting? What is his expectation of how things will be between the four of you after it?
He thinks we will clear the air, get what we need to off our chests and move on. He expects us to all be able to be civil at the very least so that he does not have me feeling uncomfortable in social situations where they are there. He also of course wants to get to he root of their apparent issue with me, as he's perplexed as I am!0 -
He thinks we will clear the air, get what we need to off our chests and move on. He expects us to all be able to be civil at the very least so that he does not have me feeling uncomfortable in social situations where they are there. He also of course wants to get to he root of their apparent issue with me, as he's perplexed as I am!
And he thinks he's going to get a better answer with you sitting in front of them than if he asked the couple on his own?0 -
Not every one in every relationship/friendship circle get on, my OH has a friend that is let's say quirky, I'm sure he means no harm and I am polite and hospitable if he comes to the house but invariably they spend time outside together, encouraged by me but without me as we have OH in common but nothing in common with each other and so the relationship between them is theirs, I don't feel I am missing out as OH comes home and chats about x, y, and z they did but I am not physically with them but not left out... it was never suggested ' he has to dump his friends'
Surely your partner can go and see and be with if it came to that and come back and chat about it without you feeling you are 'not part of a huge chunk of his life?'
I'm not sure how many times I have to explain his social circle is almost all couples, they rarely have just boys night (he has his boys nights with work mates, or plays golf/watches footy with some local lads - not the male of this couple as he's not into sports).
So yes it would be a huge chunk. Obviously not everything is "theirs" to organise so they can't exclude me, but they do tend to host quite a lot - and more to the point I don't want to be in a situation where I don't feel able to attend drinks etc because I'm so uncomfortable in their presence. Surely talking to get to that point is a good and adult thing to do.
I much prefer to confront difficult situations head on than just leave them, and it's never failed me thus far.0 -
He thinks we will clear the air, get what we need to off our chests and move on. He expects us to all be able to be civil at the very least so that he does not have me feeling uncomfortable in social situations where they are there. He also of course wants to get to he root of their apparent issue with me, as he's perplexed as I am!
I really must stop replying and stop my fingers from working on the keyboard because I keep reading and thinking not one person dislikes another for no reason, it may be something silly, a look, a remark, the sound of the voice, the choice of their clothes anything, something or nothing and no one has to sit there and keep explaining the reasons why, if they wanted to they would have set up their own meet but they don't have to or want to.
As for social meets if there no chance now what said has been said and what is done has been done that your partner meets up and you just leave them to it? Without resenting it? No closure I know but sometimes is it not just it is what it is?0
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