Advice please - relationship & friends.

Morglin

ska_lover wrote: »

I think you are right, we all have it in us to be prats' - I love my Husband dearly, but he gets to sit on the naughty step from time to time lol

Do you have to do the same?

Lin

Person_one

DJS1988 wrote: »

This is what I keep telling myself when it creeps into my head that he's been a prat

On to a new week and the potential "showdown" - this is what I'm calling it in my head haha.

Dreading it and looking forward to it in equal measures!

Remember 'Wife Swap' where they'd have a bit at the end where the two couples sat across a table to discuss their opinions about each other's relationships?

I can't imagine your 'showdown' going well at all, surely it will only serve to heighten the level of conflict and animosity between the two of you?

HPoirot

DJS1988 wrote: »

I don't have to. I want to. I want my chance in a controlled enviroment to tell them, we don't have to like each other, but they do need to respect my relationship. I'm not even sure they're smart enough to realise they've been doing so (the guy anyways, pretty sure SHE knows precisely what she's doing).

My partner wants everyone to clear the air, he's as curious to see exactly WHY they've excluded me in the past (their only reason when he fronted them before was because of the previous argument, even though we'd seen them since with no issues) and I think it's the adult way to do things (even though I'd rather poke my own eyes out than spend time in their company), rather than avoid/ignore them. There are A LOT of events this year upcoming, including weekends away that we will be in their company for, so it will make life easier to at least do this and be civil.

With all due respect, you are going to sit down with people to tell them they should respect your relationship - in other words, decide with them what your OH's priorities should be? If he was man enough to sort it out himself, none of you would have needed to squabble over him.

He says you are his family yet slinks back to them the minute he thinks he wasn't being put first in your argument?

To be honest, I would have kept well away the minute I heard that he had two relationships broken by friends. It may sound as if the friends are manipulative but it is always the man that is spineless in the first place.

Just my opinion, I hope it all works out for you.

ska_lover

Morglin wrote: »

Do you have to do the same?

Lin

Oh gosh yes lol. Im probably on the step more than he

DJS1988

HPoirot wrote: »

With all due respect, you are going to sit down with people to tell them they should respect your relationship - in other words, decide with them what your OH's priorities should be? If he was man enough to sort it out himself, none of you would have needed to squabble over him.

He says you are his family yet slinks back to them the minute he thinks he wasn't being put first in your argument?

To be honest, I would have kept well away the minute I heard that he had two relationships broken by friends. It may sound as if the friends are manipulative but it is always the man that is spineless in the first place.

Just my opinion, I hope it all works out for you.

No, not what his priorities should be at all.

I fail to see here how me wanting to clear the air is being seen as a bad thing. I've said countless times - these people are in my life whether I like it or not. Why does approaching the situation to get things to a civil level seem like such a bad thing?

HPoirot

I haven't said it is a bad thing at all, just that it should never have arisen in the first place.

Person_one

DJS1988 wrote: »

No, not what his priorities should be at all.

I fail to see here how me wanting to clear the air is being seen as a bad thing. I've said countless times - these people are in my life whether I like it or not. Why does approaching the situation to get things to a civil level seem like such a bad thing?

'Clearing the air' works when both sides can see that they've both got things wrong, when they are willing to acknowledge and apologise if need be and when there's a genuine desire on both sides to move forward more positively and make a real effort to get on better in the future.

Do you think that's the case here? It doesn't really seem like it to me.

ska_lover

DJS1988 wrote: »

No, not what his priorities should be at all.

I fail to see here how me wanting to clear the air is being seen as a bad thing. I've said countless times - these people are in my life whether I like it or not. Why does approaching the situation to get things to a civil level seem like such a bad thing?

Just do what you think is right hun - I think folk are just meaning to say - be mindful that the conversation may not end amicably and it could potentially ignite the situation further, which obviously we hope doesn't happen

ska_lover

Person_one wrote: »

'Clearing the air' works when both sides can see that they've both got things wrong, when they are willing to acknowledge and apologise if need be and when there's a genuine desire on both sides to move forward more positively and make a real effort to get on better in the future.

Do you think that's the case here? It doesn't really seem like it to me.

I have to agree here.

DJS1988

Person_one wrote: »

Remember 'Wife Swap' where they'd have a bit at the end where the two couples sat across a table to discuss their opinions about each other's relationships?

I can't imagine your 'showdown' going well at all, surely it will only serve to heighten the level of conflict and animosity between the two of you?

We aren't discussing any of the romantic relationships. We're discussing my relationship with them, and how I respect their friendship with my partner so they need to respect me, and that she needs to understand I do have my boundaries of how another woman acts towards him, friends or not. They need to be aware organising BIG things like a weekend away for his 30th should be run by me before sending an invitation to all and sundry.

BF wants me to get all my points across, so they can't use the "we didn't know" excuse again in future.