Advice please - relationship & friends.

January20

victory wrote: »

Crumbs crazy response to a simple question, jeez:eek: I clearly meant that you said you were stuck in and the way the post was worded that you had to stay in with little one and be totally dependent on your OH whims, whether he stayed in or not, whether he was there or not and had to stay in and not be allowed to go out, but you could have made a life for yourself outside with mother and toddler or having them over for dinner, one brings starters, other dessert that type of thing, or enlist family and friends to babysit so you could go out to the cinema or a night out with friends for a laugh, not that just because your OH went out you were necessarily just stuck and home not doing anything, waiting for his return.

I am sure you knew that though.;)

Clearlty, you have no understanding of being in that situation, and frankly, I'm not being difficult, but I don't think there is any point in trying to explain it. The OP however will, I think, really get what I mean.

January20

duchy wrote: »

Well it did come across as rude.
You appear to equate "going out" with alcohol and partying.....Here's a newsflash- there are lots of different ways to have fun that don't include alcohol-some people (I realize this may come as a shock to you) don't drink at all and still manage to have fun without their "drug of choice"
I don't want to be rude either......but really ????

.

Really, you can have a good time without having a drink? Unbelievable!

Yes I am being sarcastic! I can't believe that you took one line of my post and assumed that's what I think? How ridiculous! Especially as the OP's question is about her boyfriend going to a birthday party so the same context as my example. I didn't realise i would have to cross the Ts and dot the Is so as not to be flamed for daring to mention drinking! You've got a beautiful ivory tower by the way!

And newsflash for you too.... I DON'T drink alcohol! And I certainly didn't drink when I had a child to look after! And I really resent you implying otherwise when you know nothing about me!

mountainofdebt

victory wrote: »

No planet, just common sense, if OH is out out you do not have to necessarily be out out if that is not your bag and if baby cannot be looked after but if you wanted to go out you could easily with help from family and friends go out or invite them to yours and have a lovely time, either way one did not have to be completely reliant on OH decisions as to whether he was in or out and could have had a life apart from his lack of family values to have friends, make new friends, have a life, have a laugh, be with others, do things with baby, be out:D:D

As they said in the Harry Potter film 'who are you and what have you done with Victory?'

I took it that January was referring to the fact that her ex would rather have gone out that done 'family or partner things' ....I doubt that he physically locked her in the house (but you never know) but when your partner refers to go out with his mates, so that its you and the little one constantly wouldn't you be naffed off to put it politely??? Wouldn't you like to do partner or family things??

As for the OP, I think the other girl suffers from what I call PPS or Penelope Pitstop syndrome......here she has 2 men not fighting over her but fawning over her....and sees the OP as a threat to that

Dozey_crow

Further to what I have said before another thought sruck me today maybe the boyfriend like the attention of the other girl when though he is not interested in her as such. Maybe he perceives it as two girls clamoring for his attention and it's a bit of an who trip? Might be another, albeit unsatisfactory, explanation.

Sue.D.Nim

I was thinking about this, and I wonder if the boyfriend is going to find himself in 10/15 years with a string of relationships that only lasted under 18 months and wondering why. With these 2 'friends' telling him they don't know either, he's a great guy, none of them were good enough etc etc.

If he really can't see it then he's a bit stupid, as someone else has mentioned. I wouldn't want to sway the OP either way, as love can blur everything, but he's either too heartless or brainless to stay with.

OP, I really hope you are getting ready for your night out with your friends. I hope they can boost you and make see that you are worth more than he gives. Maybe even while he's out, he's realise what a plonker and bad boyfriend he's being and will want to put things right?

Mojisola

Dozey_crow wrote: »

Further to what I have said before another thought sruck me today maybe the boyfriend like the attention of the other girl when though he is not interested in her as such. Maybe he perceives it as two girls clamoring for his attention and it's a bit of an who trip? Might be another, albeit unsatisfactory, explanation.

Sue.D.Nim wrote: »

I was thinking about this, and I wonder if the boyfriend is going to find himself in 10/15 years with a string of relationships that only lasted under 18 months and wondering why. With these 2 'friends' telling him they don't know either, he's a great guy, none of them were good enough etc etc.

I think Sue's explanation is more likely - the girl likes to have her own BF +1 around. DJS1988's BF is under her influence enough to believe that the girls he chooses as partners aren't right for him.

ska_lover

So, its sunday, he has been to the birthday by now, hows the atmosphere in your house DJS, are you OK?

meritaten

Hi DJS - only just caught up on your thread - and really sad to see that your OH decided to attend the birthday bash.
only one thing to do IMHO - put pics on effbook of the engagement party you went to - along with pics of HER birthday party with the caption - Two Parties to attend - good thing we are not joined at the hip! A good time was had by all!
Don't play her game - and don't hand her a victory for last night.
and don't give OH grief either - be very mature and understanding! this is one time YOU can come out better than she does. it may enter your dozy OHs brain that he may have enjoyed last night better with you there?
and yeah - I think he is 'dozy' - he has no clue about women like HER!
you must educate him kindly but firmly! have a discussion about whether you make it a rule to attend 'events' singly or together.
I do hope that things are ok between you - a raging row today would play right into her hands.

globetraveller

Let me guess- whilst at the party he accepted another invitation?

Izadora

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

OP I drop him like a hot potato, hes not fiercly loyal to you at all. He doesnt give a toss about your feelings, you are well down his list of priorities.

I think that may be a little bit of an overreaction...

I don't know if I've missed the response but the OP doesn't seem to have answered whether or not the bf was invited to the engagement party. For me, that would make a massive difference to how in the wrong he is.

Either way he shouldn't be ignoring the fact that his mate's gf is a controlling [insert nasty word of your choice] but I do think there's a big difference between turning down an evening with his gf to go and choosing not to sit at home alone.

Also, saying that he doesn't give a toss is a bit harsh. You have no idea what kind of pressure his mate's putting him under to attend and whether it was an easy choice or something he's being going over and over trying to find a compromise which keeps everyone happy - either way he was going to offend/upset someone, whether it was his girlfriend or his best mate of however many years. If it's something where he would have no issues if the roles were reversed it's probably also quite difficult for him to understand just how upset the OP's going to be by it.