Advice please - relationship & friends.

Thumper7

Sorry for taking this off topic


But CH27, I love your status it really made me smile

CH27

Thumper7 wrote: »

Sorry for taking this off topic


But CH27, I love your status it really made me smile

Thankyou

January20

victory wrote: »

But you could have gone out? You were not stuck at home with a baby, you were free to go out? You did not have to wait and watch on the side lines?

Go out? Is that what you would do? Go out partying or drinking on a weekend night? With a baby or a toddler? I don't want to be rude but really?????

mountainofdebt

January20 wrote: »

Go out? Is that what you would do? Go out partying or drinking on a weekend night? With a baby or a toddler? I don't want to be rude but really?????

I'm so glad you posted this.....as I was certainly thinking what planet victory had moved to - although she may not have read your post carefully enough to note that you were at home with a child

Personally if my OH chose his friends over me and Junior at evey opportunity then yes I would have been upset (to put it mildly as well)

Of course some people's idea of fun may be mum and toddler's ........

January20

mountainofdebt wrote: »

I'm so glad you posted this.....as I was certainly thinking what planet victory had moved to - although she may not have read your post carefully enough to note that you were at home with a child

Personally if my OH chose his friends over me and Junior at evey opportunity then yes I would have been upset (to put it mildly as well)

Of course some people's idea of fun may be mum and toddler's ........

Thank you! I was really surprised by victory's reply!
And I could give more striking examples but I dont want to risk my anonymity and this is not about me!

Person_one

January20 wrote: »

OK, I've wanted to say this since you started this thread but thought I would give him the benefit of the doubt. I was married to someone who always put his friends first. It will not change even if you have children. It will not change until THEY dump him. It was excruciatingly painful for me and my child to always come second. I lost a lot of my confidence in that relationship. I often felt lonely, especially once in had a baby and was stuck at home whilst he was having fun.

I don't ever say it, but this time I will: get out. Get out while you can because you should be his world and you're not. His friends are more important to him than you.

Keeping friends and not making your partner your 'whole world' is usually perfectly healthy and normal. Outside friendships are still important when you have a family, for both men and women.

The friendships here are not healthy and are having a seriously negative impact on the OP in a relationship that's only a year old so should still be all fun and good times. That's why she should get out while she can.

FBaby

My husband is strongly attached to his friends, or at last seriously was when we were first together. If he had been in OP's situation, he would have felt completely torn, but ultimately, I think what he would have chosen to do would have come down to who he believed acted rightly and who didn't.

The way you describe it, you sound like you did nothing wrong and that girl is just a cow. In this situation, my OH would without a doubt have sided with me and made a strong point that unless she could treat me properly, he would want nothing to do with her and would have been prepared to lose some of his friends over it.

If however, he felt that I had fuelled the fire, acted like a drama queen, and as a result, affected his friendships, he would have acted like your OH. I assume this ultimately would have seriously put our relationship at risk.

There are two possibilities: Your OH does think that you played a big part into where things are now and all in all, think that you acted in the wrong, but can't be bothered to tell you because he knows you will only react defensively and get nowhere, or he is just selfish and uncaring and even though he agrees you've done nothing wrong at all, his friends are more important to him that you.

I would have a serious discussion with him. If it is the second situation, then do you really want to be with someone like this? If it is the first, then maybe you need to listen to him and accept to maybe consider how your behaviour might have contributed to the situation. You can then either still think you did nothing wrong and I can't see how you would resolve the gap with him, or you take some responsibility and discuss together how to move forward so that he doesn't find himself stuck in the middle having to choose between his friends and you.

January20

Person_one wrote: »

Keeping friends and not making your partner your 'whole world' is usually perfectly healthy and normal. Outside friendships are still important when you have a family, for both men and women.

The friendships here are not healthy and are having a seriously negative impact on the OP in a relationship that's only a year old so should still be all fun and good times. That's why she should get out while she can.

Person-one I don't think I expressed myself very well on that bit I completely agree with you that friends are important and I would be the first one to say you must keep your friends when entering a relationship.

I think a partner though has a different status and in this case, this man should take a stand with his partner and not behave as though it doesn't concern him.

It is clear that he either doesn't care enough for his partner or he agrees with his friends or - worse in my eyes - he think he can betray his partner (that's what he is doing) and then resume life as though nothing has happened. Until next time...... Because there will be a next time, and another......

ecgirl07

You may have lost battle but there is still the war. Your bf may have been badgered from his male friends to attend also - puts him in a bad spot.

You can rise above this one - and not give "her" the satisfaction of "winning" - sign your name on the birthday card and go to your party. You know how she operates now - box clever and play her at her own game.

Only you know if your relationship with your BF is worth working for.

ska_lover

Person_one wrote: »

Keeping friends and not making your partner your 'whole world' is usually perfectly healthy and normal. Outside friendships are still important when you have a family, for both men and women.

The friendships here are not healthy and are having a seriously negative impact on the OP in a relationship that's only a year old so should still be all fun and good times. That's why she should get out while she can.

I totally agree, I think this is the best advice on this thread