Advice please - relationship & friends.

DJS1988

Your replies are totally logical and I thank you for them as they have made me take stock.

However, what you've said about it becoming something that creeps up again and again is correct, and I really think, (due to my how ill I have been in the past due to being let down) I am someone who can deal much better with "what ifs" rather than being in a relationship that I question.

Possibly anger talking, but that's how I currently feel.

ska_lover

DJS1988 wrote: »

I'm sure this will make plenty of you happy .

I am not really sure why you think we would be gleaning any happiness from your misery - a few people have actually tried to support you on this thread, and this makes me sad

I am gutted for you DJS, that he has decided to go. I know what it meant for you, and it is very telling IMO that he has decided to go

Read into it what you will, but if I was in your situation, I would be thinking that this ''friend'' is more important to him than me. I would know it, and she would know it. She has got him wrapped around her finger - and neither caring about your feelings. You are treated like a spare part in your own relationship and it is awful

I can't say honestly if it was me, how I would take it from here, and can only imagine how you are feeling.

Sue.D.Nim

DJS1988 wrote: »

I am a fiercely loyal person and one of the biggest attractions I had to him when I met him was that he came across the same.

He is being loyal to them, while showing you that he is not as loyal to you. I really feel for you in this situation. It would be pretty hard not to take that as you not being as important as them.

He couldn't miss one night out, which might actually prompt them to act to 'fix' things so things can be ok with their friend? It's quite selfish.

He knows how it would make you feel, so can't plead ignorance. "What's the problem, it's not about the issue with you, just a friend's birthday", won't cut it; you have told him exactly the problem and even if he can't empathise with your feelings properly, he understands the words you are saying about your feelings. He knows it will hurt you, and he has chosen to go ahead and hurt you.

Hugs to you

DJS1988

ska_lover wrote: »

I am not really sure why you think we would be gleaning any happiness from your misery - a few people have actually tried to support you on this thread, and this makes me sad

Sorry - of course not aimed at yourself, but it was hard to even update this thread after the so many "get rid of him" replies earlier on.

DJS1988

Thanks both.

I absolutely feel like I don't matter. I really thought I was important to him. He shows me all the time that I am, and isn't shy to tell me, or anyone else how much he loves me.

In this case, his actions don't meet his words and it's so painful. I don't see this as a game, as it's very real and is my life, but it feels as though they've "won", they've got one over on me. They will document every bit of the night with photos of him (as they always do when he's with them - it's very odd as neither of them do this with any other friends).

However, I can't direct my anger and hurt at anyone but him, he's made the decision and it looks now as though I am faced with making my own.

Sue.D.Nim

I wish you every luck. You are important (as are we all) and deserve to be with a person who makes you important in their life (as we all do) and I hope that whatever happens next, you can move on to have a happy future (with or without him).

I hope you can enjoy your party tomorrow as well. Maybe being around your own friends will help you see the best thing for you.

victory

DJS1988 wrote: »

Thanks both.

I absolutely feel like I don't matter. I really thought I was important to him. He shows me all the time that I am, and isn't shy to tell me, or anyone else how much he loves me.

In this case, his actions don't meet his words and it's so painful. I don't see this as a game, as it's very real and is my life, but it feels as though they've "won", they've got one over on me. They will document every bit of the night with photos of him (as they always do when he's with them - it's very odd as neither of them do this with any other friends).

However, I can't direct my anger and hurt at anyone but him, he's made the decision and it looks now as though I am faced with making my own.

You do count, he does care, he loves you, he tells you and shows you all the time just this time he seems to go against everything but what he is telling you and showing you in a funny ol' way is that he loves you today and will love you after the birthday party but then it could be argued well if you loved me you would not be going? If you cared for me you would put me first?

I get it I really do what would have killed it for me is the missing the last train home....

victory

DJS1988 wrote: »

Sorry - of course not aimed at yourself, but it was hard to even update this thread after the so many "get rid of him" replies earlier on.

I know it is hard for you to read those replies but in any of these threads there are always going to be the 'leave him' brigade, he left the top off the jam this morning....leave him:D he walked the dog and was gone for 37 minutes longer than usual...leave him:D he woke up and looked at his phone...leave him:D:rotfl::rotfl:

Mojisola

victory wrote: »

You do count, he does care, he loves you, he tells you and shows you all the time just this time he seems to go against everything but what he is telling you and showing you in a funny ol' way is that he loves you today and will love you after the birthday party but then it could be argued well if you loved me you would not be going? If you cared for me you would put me first?

It's not really about going to a party, it's about going to spend time with someone who has been nasty to his "loved one".

ska_lover

There was never truer saying than 'actions speak louder than words' and it is really so hurtful when someone you thought was one way, turns out to be another

I am so sorry DJS. I do hope you still go out with your friends tomorrow evening, and show him that you have a life of your own etc

When I get in very very down moods in situations like this, I often feel paralysed with misery as in just want to lay in bed and I know (even whilst I am doing it) that it is just totally the wrong thing to do and am just wallowing in misery