Advice please - relationship & friends.

DJS1988

Hi All,

Sorry - have been busy working all weekend so have just caught up here.

Thank you to the two users here who can see how the "just leave him, he's no good" posts are totally unhelpful and irrelevant here. If I felt I needed to leave him, I would have.

dktreesa - I find that a really horrible attitude to have and you are also making huge assumptions about me and what I expect. My partner DOES play football, he runs his own business and goes out with work people and I would never impede on that or expect to be invited. We very much have our own lives, my ONLY issue and where I feel I should 100% be invited is when he is with his friends in a group that are all couples.

The birthday is next weekend.

He's still saying he obviously wants to go, because it's a night out with his friends, but unless things are cleared up then he won't be going. Frankly I wouldn't "want" to go if my friends had treated him this way, but hey, that's just me!

It's causing a huge strain on us, as even if it comes up as normal conversation, it quickly turns into a row. Just have to try and not give it all the time of day or any more headspace but it's really hard when you're made to feel a certain way, for no reason. The selfish part of me would love him to cut these people off, but they are deeply ingrained in his life and have been good friends to him, even if they aren't being good right now. I have to respect that as part of the reason I fell in love with him is how loyal and caring he is to the people in his life.

DJS1988

justme111 wrote: »

DJS1988 wrote: »

I am, as I have said numerous times here. I will however have a serious issue if my partner goesQUOTE]
And you still don't see why I said you seem to want to invade his life so that he does not have to compartmentalize ?
What if he played football , would you want to join him in a game and drinks after as well ? People are entitled not to get on one with another , you dont get on with his long term friend - fair enough , just avoid each other , why you so insistently demand them liking you ? Why insist going with him when he meets up with them ? If he does not let anything untoward to be said or done behind your back why would you mind seeing them any more than you.would mind him going playing chess or meeting up in a local garage with mates renovating bikes.
Not sure what your idea of perfect relationship is , mine definitely would not be one where I had a shouting match with a man , whether in public or alone.

People question because your story does not fit , if 2+2=5 then its either not 2 or not 5 or there is +1 omitted.

You come across as an opposite to laid back , you want everything to be the way you want it to be when you want it to be judging by.your.posts , you probably early to mid twenties ..
Don't worry we all been there and behaved at some point not in the best way to say the least , we question you because if one is stuck.it.means one does something wrong so to get unstuck one would have to face what one doing wrong . You resist that questioning because facing things one does not want to see is painful.

Christ I think I should have changed my user name so no one would know who I am. You must be her!

DJS1988

justme111 wrote: »

If you wanted to be civil you should have been so , not "snapped" at her.
Do how would it affect you and your relationship if you just avoided her ? Without demanding he dies the same ?

She was texting me being abusive, after 6 months I think anyone would snap, I am only human. I didn't call her names, didn't get personal aside from saying how she was making me feel - uncomfortable, left out, disrespected.

Because we are then forced to have a huge part of our social lives apart. We currently don't live together and don't have alot of time together in the week, so weekends are our times to be together. Why SHOULDN'T I be able to socialise with his friends? The fact someone is questioning that is very odd.

DJS1988

dktreesea wrote: »

Seriously?

Just because I have a partner doesn't mean I drop all my friends I had before he came along, or take my partner along to things if I sense there is friction between him and one of my friends. Surely there is room for both friends and partners, without having your partner involved in everything your friends want to involve you in?

You are forgetting that I am NOT the source of the friction, I have not caused any problems, have never been rude to her. I've taken an interest in their lives and tried to get to know them.

I do not want to be included to everything he does but why are you making me out to be abnormal for expecting to be able to socialise with his friends?

ska_lover

Glad you are hanging in there..hope he doesn't go to the birthday thing. He knows your stance hun, no further need to bring it up in convo & cause any more rows.

If he feels for you, what you feel for him - he will not go - as you are his priority and your happiness counts for everything

DJS1988

Thanks Ska Lover - I am trying!

Only time will tell I guess. He has said he won't go unless it's sorted, it's now Weds and no plans or conversations have been had, so think that says it all. He's shown me many times in the past he is a man of his word, so lets hope that continues!

lushplus4

Sounds like you've got a keeper there, despite his horrible associate ( I'm not going to call her a friend) Rise above it all and take the moral higher ground he will respect you for that.

DJS1988

So, he just dropped the bomb that he will in fact be going out with them tomorrow. He wants, to, and doesn't feel that because I am currently not talking to them, that he should have to miss out. If it was a normal night out he apparently wouldn't go, but it's a birthday. I know she has already said she won't be upset if he doesn't go.

I'm sure this will make plenty of you happy and will await the "told you so's".

Gutted he would go against me when I have made my feelings so clear on the subject. I am so hurt and angry.

Mojisola

DJS1988 wrote: »

Gutted he would go against me when I have made my feelings so clear on the subject. I am so hurt and angry.

I'm not surprised - he's making it clear that the friends are more important to him than you are.

victory

DJS1988 wrote: »

So, he just dropped the bomb that he will in fact be going out with them tomorrow. He wants, to, and doesn't feel that because I am currently not talking to them, that he should have to miss out. If it was a normal night out he apparently wouldn't go, but it's a birthday. I know she has already said she won't be upset if he doesn't go.

I'm sure this will make plenty of you happy and will await the "told you so's".

Gutted he would go against me when I have made my feelings so clear on the subject. I am so hurt and angry.

On this forum or any other you will get the 'told you so's' as well as the replies you do not like, the supportive ones, the I don't understand you/your attitude/ your way of thinking the yes I do understand/I completely agree, all sorts, it is always going to be like that, that is just the way it is, every person has a different take on it.

I personally feel your anger and hurt and you wanted to have more influence over his decision making but also he is an independent, an individual that can make up his own mind, he knows how you feel as you have talked about it enough, rowed about it often and wanted him all to yourself and if offence is taken none is meant but for him to obey you.

He refused. Stale mate. Back to square one. Either yet again put up or shut up as they say, very harsh but either that or it will break you and your relationship.

What is worse? A birthday party celebrated without you or you being without the one person you love.....forever?