Advice please - relationship & friends.

dandelionclock30

Is this womans birthday party on a weekend? surley you would be with your boyfriend on a Sat/Friday night if your that serious so you would know if he had gone.
Why is'nt he saying what you are both doing together on that night?

DJS1988

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

Is this womans birthday party on a weekend? surley you would be with your boyfriend on a Sat/Friday night if your that serious so you would know if he had gone.
Why is'nt he saying what you are both doing together on that night?

Yes, Saturday. Providing he sticks with what he says and doesn't go then he will be with me at a party I am going to. Obviously I would know in advance if he was going.

There's no need - if he tells them he isn't going to her birthday, they won't care what he's doing. I don't think they care about his life outside of what he does with them in all honesty!

lulu_92

I've read the whole thing and I want to know what did your OH say to this girl when she was texting him and calling you every name under the sun?

I know you've said he had told them their behaviour is unacceptable but I'd like to know what his replies to these texts said.

slightlyconfused1

I'm sorry but if your bf had any regard for you at all as soon as he received the text saying you were not wanted he would have texted straight back telling the "messenger" that you came as a package and that he would not be attending. He then would have confronted the girl, telling her to back off.

He didn't.

You may be totally committed to this relationship but your bf really doesn't appear to be. You say she sends nasty texts about you to him, she is explicitly excluding you and still he doesn't come out and publicly support you. Telling you he won't go to the party, but not making plans with you that night, isn't enough. You don't trust him not to go, you keep stating you will be upset if he does.

The girl obviously has a problem with you, that's her problem. I think you have a bigger problem with your bf's complete disregard for your feelings and unwillingness to support you. To be honest that is not my idea of a committed relationship. It should be you and your bf against the world. At the moment it sounds like you against the world and he can't be bothered to join the fight.

ska_lover

DJS1988 wrote: »

Yes, Saturday. Providing he sticks with what he says and doesn't go then he will be with me at a party I am going to. Obviously I would know in advance if he was going.

There's no need - if he tells them he isn't going to her birthday, they won't care what he's doing. I don't think they care about his life outside of what he does with them in all honesty!

''If he goes if he goes if he goes''

You keep saying you are secure in your relationship, but believe me - you are not. If you were in a secure place, this situation would not have you batting an eyelid.

This woman is nothing. NOTHING. Get it in your head and stop giving her power over you. You give her WAYYYYYYYYYYY too much headspace.

I get feeling if he does, you are going to turn into world war three - your OH probably knows this

DJS1988

lulu_92 wrote: »

I've read the whole thing and I want to know what did your OH say to this girl when she was texting him and calling you every name under the sun?

I know you've said he had told them their behaviour is unacceptable but I'd like to know what his replies to these texts said.

She hasn't text him calling me names - she did that to me when I finally snapped back at her. She has text him in the past having sly digs that he's not replied to, then told her over the phone/to her face he does not want to hear or see them from her.

DJS1988

slightlyconfused1 wrote: »

I'm sorry but if your bf had any regard for you at all as soon as he received the text saying you were not wanted he would have texted straight back telling the "messenger" that you came as a package and that he would not be attending. He then would have confronted the girl, telling her to back off.

He didn't.

In this case, no he didn't and I didn't expect him to as we both fully expected for this message to come, and he knew I was not bothered about going to her birthday. In other scenarios, he has done so. From his POV - we (three of us) had an argument that he was not involved in, and is not happy with how any of us, including me handled it, that I understand.

DJS1988

ska_lover wrote: »

''If he goes if he goes if he goes''

You keep saying you are secure in your relationship, but believe me - you are not. If you were in a secure place, this situation would not have you batting an eyelid.

This woman is nothing. NOTHING. Get it in your head and stop giving her power over you. You give her WAYYYYYYYYYYY too much headspace.

I get feeling if he does, you are going to turn into world war three - your OH probably knows this

Of COURSE, whether secure or not this situation would effect me. I don't want to live my life in a way that there is a part of my partners life that is awkward and upsetting for him, and that affects our relationship. Wanting it to be civil with his best friends does not mean I am insecure about him and I.

I can only trust he is going to stick to his word - but yes, if he was to go I would not be happy in the slightest as it would mean he's lied to keep me happy in the interim.

ska_lover

DJS1988 wrote: »

Of COURSE, whether secure or not this situation would effect me. I don't want to live my life in a way that there is a part of my partners life that is awkward and upsetting for him, and that affects our relationship. Wanting it to be civil with his best friends does not mean I am insecure about him and I.

.

It is how it appears to me

You are starting to doubt his word. He tells you he will not go, and you don't actually believe what he is telling you = You don't trust him.

In a secure / trusting relationship - your OH would tell you something, and you would take it at face value

This is what you are allowing this woman to do to you and your relationship.

lulu_92

DJS1988 wrote: »

She hasn't text him calling me names - she did that to me when I finally snapped back at her. She has text him in the past having sly digs that he's not replied to, then told her over the phone/to her face he does not want to hear or see them from her.

That's what I meant. Just wanted to know how he reacted.