Advice please - relationship & friends.

victory

January20 wrote: »

OK, I've wanted to say this since you started this thread but thought I would give him the benefit of the doubt. I was married to someone who always put his friends first. It will not change even if you have children. It will not change until THEY dump him. It was excruciatingly painful for me and my child to always come second. I lost a lot of my confidence in that relationship. I often felt lonely, especially once in had a baby and was stuck at home whilst he was having fun.

I don't ever say it, but this time I will: get out. Get out while you can because you should be his world and you're not. His friends are more important to him than you.

But you could have gone out? You were not stuck at home with a baby, you were free to go out? You did not have to wait and watch on the side lines?

CH27

DJS1988 wrote: »

I've not had any concerns prior to this, but yes it certainly does make me worry about any kind of future. I am a fiercely loyal person and one of the biggest attractions I had to him when I met him was that he came across the same.

His loyalty is to them & not you. This is wrong IMO & sadly his actions are speaking louder than his words.

bagpussbear

Hi DJS, not commented on this thread before but have read with interest.

I'm sorry he decided to go out with them. I don't think he should be. Fancy laughing and joking and having a good evening with someone that is vile to your girlfriend, he has his priorities wrong!

I can imagine you feel so let down. My advice is not to make any decision as such today or tomorrow. Try and switch off (as best you can) and enjoy that engagement party tomorrrow. See how the ground lies on Sunday and how you feel about things.

I think if I was in your position, I'd be wanting 'space' to think things through.

Hugs.

Gavin83

Are you expecting him to cut his friends out of his life? It's coming across like that at the moment.

I think you'll end up pushing this into a 'them or me' situation and to be honest I don't think you'll like the outcome.

carefullycautious

I'm sorry if what I had to say was not received well. I am certainly not gloating about your situation.

This woman is confident is her actions because she knows your boyfriend will take their side. I bet she has been doing this all along with his previous girlfriends.

I'm not sure how old you are but the actions of your boyfriend seem young in that he appears unable to have a word with this girl and her fella and put a stop to her disrespect to you.

There are people I may take a dislike to but I would not dream of saying hurtful things in front of or behind their back it is unforgivable really.

As with any forum we only have your side of the story, people who have been in this situation or can read the signs of what sort of life you may have if you remain in this situation can only say one thing really and that is to move on if it is making you so unhappy.

I really hope things work out for you.

System

he's weak, selfish and gutless. That's what I think anyway.

Mojisola

Gavin83 wrote: »

Are you expecting him to cut his friends out of his life? It's coming across like that at the moment.

No, only the friends who are nasty to the love of his life.

If he prefers these friends to his GF, she may be better off without him in her life.

CH27

Gavin83 wrote: »

Are you expecting him to cut his friends out of his life? It's coming across like that at the moment.

I think you'll end up pushing this into a 'them or me' situation and to be honest I don't think you'll like the outcome.

Why would he want to be friends with someone who open insults his girlfriend & relationship to his face?

Thumper7

Hi DSJ


I'm sorry things are not going for you. Can I ask, maybe you have answered this before, apologies if you have.


Was you're partner invited to the engagement party?
Was the engagement party invite before the birthday invite?
If it was why isn't be going to the engagement party with you?


I hope you don't mind me asking so many questions.


D

Dozey_crow

DJS1988 wrote: »

So, he just dropped the bomb that he will in fact be going out with them tomorrow. He wants, to, and doesn't feel that because I am currently not talking to them, that he should have to miss out. If it was a normal night out he apparently wouldn't go, but it's a birthday. I know she has already said she won't be upset if he doesn't go.

I'm sure this will make plenty of you happy and will await the "told you so's".

Gutted he would go against me when I have made my feelings so clear on the subject. I am so hurt and angry.

DJS1988 wrote: »

I'm already out attending my friends engagement party. Meeting afterwards is not a possibility due to the distance.

Frankly, I don't want him to be out and have a good time with them at the moment, not when they have treated me how they have. I don't think he should be validating their behaviour towards me.

DJS1988 wrote: »

I've not had any concerns prior to this, but yes it certainly does make me worry about any kind of future. I am a fiercely loyal person and one of the biggest attractions I had to him when I met him was that he came across the same.

Oh no DJS.. I'm so sorry to read this.. I can imagine how hurt and betrayed you feel especially when you have handled it all well IMO by not laying the law down.. Which by some paradox makes the betrayal seem worse.

Where to go from here.. Very difficult. It doesn't seem like you are the kind of person to want to demand "its me or them" and as I have said before I think this is a lose lose situation anyway. If he agrees and says you are the most important person.. There will always be the'thing' that you made him choose and his friends will always suspect it was you that caused the friendship spilt.. Not a winning scenario and then of course if he goes the other way....

I think you are going to have to have it out with him and try to ascertain if it is simply a disagreement of values and expectations linked to this situation or if it is, as you fear, indicative of more serious differences. I would want to have this conversation asap as the situation will greater, build and get out of proportion of you leave it to long. As I see it.. It will either clear the air or show the problems but either way you should have a clearer way forward.

I really do wish you the best of luck.