Advice please - relationship & friends.

Kayalana99

Gavin83 wrote: »

So you people think you should always support your partner even if you think they're in the wrong?

That's a hard one to answer as it really depends on the situation, not always for sure.. & I wasn't trying to say that in my posts although for the OP's sake one mistake where she was in the wrong (or all three of them) does not mean he can justify walking over her and letting his friends treat her this way.

meritaten

I understand why you and your OH think a good sit-down chat to clear the air would be a good thing.................but, and its a big BUT, be prepared to come out of there looking like the Beetch! not unless you have the patience of a saint that is. and by now she knows exactly which buttons to push while smiling sweetly.
So, if you HAVE to go through with this - just keep your wits about you and if all else fails - burst into tears!

MrsAtobe

Gavin83 wrote: »

So you people think you should always support your partner even if you think they're in the wrong?

I would support my partner in front of other people, yes, and then talk to him when we were alone.

slightlyconfused1

What, realistically, do you want to achieve from this confrontation?

There is no way this girl is going to turn around and say it was all her fault, admit she has been awful, now let's be friends. In all likelihood she will turn round and say it's all in your head and you are the one that's causing all the problems. Her bf will then back her up.

I just can't see how this meeting will turn out well. You know who your bf will choose (and its not you) if there is a confrontation, as he has already shown.

A meeting to clear the air is something that two warring workmates or families are MADE to have, ie people who are forced to have some sort of relationship. I really don't think it is appropriate here and, by being the one that is forcing the issue, I really think you will be the one that comes of worse and may end up alienating the rest of the friendship group.

I think if one of our friend's girlfriends behaved like this, forcing confrontation, the rest of us would be very wary of spending any time with her in case she tried to destroy our friendships too (no matter how flawed they may be)

tea_lover

Heavens above, why give an attention seeker this much attention?? I doubt she cares whether it's 'good' attention (her and your bf in a hotel room) or 'bad' attention (being sat down and told what a bad person she is). Either way she's clearly showing you all that she's very much in charge of all the relationships. Any sort of confrontation is playing right into her hands, especially as your OH has already demonstrated that he isn't going to put you first.

zarf2007

tea_lover wrote: »

Heavens above, why give an attention seeker this much attention?? I doubt she cares whether it's 'good' attention (her and your bf in a hotel room) or 'bad' attention (being sat down and told what a bad person she is). Either way she's clearly showing you all that she's very much in charge of all the relationships. Any sort of confrontation is playing right into her hands, especially as your OH has already demonstrated that he isn't going to put you first.

Agreed. Also the old adage "you can't reason with idiots" springs to mind. I appreciate that the OP wants to do the adult thing but the problem is you cannot reason with her as she is not thinking on the same level or playing by the same rules.

I would personally say to your BF you need some space and make him suffer for a few weeks for his spineless inaction, it may make him realise what he could lose.

victory

DJS1988 wrote: »

He HAS done this, I have said that. He told them in no uncertain terms he will not be around if they are going to exclude me for no reason. This situation my OP was mainly about was slightly different as he see's me as being in the wrong also.

They have a problem with me. I want them to tell me what it is, and why they think they are ok to treat me like they have. My assumption is they will crumble when asked face to face as there is no reason (unless I am delusional!) we can see.

The outcomes will either be the air is cleared and we all be civil, which means no leaving me out, OR they will show themselves up and my partner will fall out with them (not that I want that to happen) if they are rude and have nothing positive about moving forward.

I'm trying to approach this in the most adult way I see fit. If it kicks off it will not be from my side, and they will only serve to alienate my partner from them.

Oh no no no and no:eek: you are going to look a fool, clear the air? She does not give two hoots about you, your thoughts, nothing about you makes her want to bother to listen to what you want to say and want to be civil with you, why would she want to give you a moment of her time let alone a sit down let's chat about it?

Games, games and more games, never give someone that much power over you, crickey for an attention drama queen seeker all this talk about her, the sit down, the meet up she must be lapping all of it up and thinking all her xmas have come at once

victory

tea_lover wrote: »

Heavens above, why give an attention seeker this much attention?? I doubt she cares whether it's 'good' attention (her and your bf in a hotel room) or 'bad' attention (being sat down and told what a bad person she is). Either way she's clearly showing you all that she's very much in charge of all the relationships. Any sort of confrontation is playing right into her hands, especially as your OH has already demonstrated that he isn't going to put you first.

Oh just re-read the other posts when I had already posted my reply and saw this , so yes this ^^^^^^^ which is what I said and you said before me:D:D

DJS1988

Just a quick reply as out and about.

I'm not the one forcing this. As far as they're aware this is all my partners idea & what he wants. I've seen the text trails & I've seen her say she didn't know if it was a good idea, and I've seen him say if she wasn't prepared to make the effort to do so, then he did not see how he didn't think their friendship could ever get back to normal.

I really feel it's for the best, as does he and after the chats we've had over the weekend I don't feel I'm going into this alone.

Also - she's having a meal with just close friends tonight as it's her actual birthday. He hasn't gone - totally off his own back he said he didn't think going along to something with her family and close friends was right for now - he would usually go. Maybe he gets it more than I give him credit for!

victory

DJS1988 wrote: »

Just a quick reply as out and about.

I'm not the one forcing this. As far as they're aware this is all my partners idea & what he wants. I've seen the text trails & I've seen her say she didn't know if it was a good idea, and I've seen him say if she wasn't prepared to make the effort to do so, then he did not see how he didn't think their friendship could ever get back to normal.

I really feel it's for the best, as does he and after the chats we've had over the weekend I don't feel I'm going into this alone.

Also - she's having a meal with just close friends tonight as it's her actual birthday. He hasn't gone - totally off his own back he said he didn't think going along to something with her family and close friends was right for now - he would usually go. Maybe he gets it more than I give him credit for!

Uhm we shall see when the meet takes places:D