Advice please - relationship & friends.

mountainofdebt

Why does he want a meeting?

All he has to do is man up and ask them outright what their problem is .....and I would have thought it would be easier to tell him honestly without you being there.

Sounds as if they will manipulate the situation so that you're the bad guy

DJS1988

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

Lol, sorry for saying how it is. I might be rubbish at spelling but I'm not manipulated by people and my partner puts me first not his friends.
Good luck with it anyway and work on your self esteem.

Attacking someone for no good reason whilst hidden behind a keyboard is a much bigger example of low self esteem methinks!

If I was not confident and had low self esteem, I'd be rolling over and hiding away from this.

DJS1988

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Why does he want a meeting?

All he has to do is man up and ask them outright what their problem is .....and I would have thought it would be easier to tell him honestly without you being there.

Sounds as if they will manipulate the situation so that you're the bad guy

So that I have the opportunity to explain exactly how I feel. He doesn't, and I do not want him to, speak on my behalf.

I don't see a resolve without me being involved in it, and whilst he's dealt with situations in the past, this time I've had it up to here with it and have things I need to get off my chest.

KxMx

I have to say, in my view, his words of not seeing them unless they are nice to you, have not been backed up overall by his actions so far.
I wonder when/if he would follow through 100% and that would worry me.

DJS1988

Can this thread please be locked? I cannot be bothered to get into petty squabbles on here.

A shame as there have been some very helpful people I would like to keep updated with this, but it's not worth the hassle.

Anoneemoose

Noooo! Don't lock it OP.

Only you really know what this situation is like and if you feel that the meeting is the best way to go, then go for it. If it turns disastrous for any reason, I am sure you have your head screwed on enough to decide how to proceed afterwards.

If you don't do it, you'll always wonder "what if". I don't particularly think it will 'work' but it isn't my decision to make and you've gotta do what you've gotta do.

Please keep us posted.

January20

DJS1988 wrote: »

Yup - EVERYONE here thinks that.

Do appreciate you calling him thick when your spelling leaves much to be desired.

This is not very nice. Dandelion wasn't attacking you, just giving their opinion. That's what happens on a forum.

Having a go at their spelling when there are so many possible reasons for it is quite nasty IMO.

DJS1988 wrote: »

Attacking someone for no good reason whilst hidden behind a keyboard is a much bigger example of low self esteem methinks!

If I was not confident and had low self esteem, I'd be rolling over and hiding away from this.

It is quite clear that you are confident and it is quite clear you are getting frustrated with this thread and the replies you are getting. Remember this is a forum and people don't always read properly and fully and miss some information.

Again, I don't think Dandelion was attacking you, but stating their opinion.

DJS1988 wrote: »

Can this thread please be locked? I cannot be bothered to get into petty squabbles on here.

A shame as there have been some very helpful people I would like to keep updated with this, but it's not worth the hassle.

You started the squabbles. You started getting frustrated and impatient with people because you had to repeat the info you gave for instance about your partner socialising mostly in couples.

In truth, you are giving me a good idea of why these two friends of your OH don't like you very much, because posters here are trying to help you and you are being a bit rude.

Please feel free to check my spelling, but don't tell me. I don't care!

DJS1988

January20 wrote: »

This is not very nice. Dandelion wasn't attacking you, just giving their opinion. That's what happens on a forum.

Having a go at their spelling when there are so many possible reasons for it is quite nasty IMO.



It is quite clear that you are confident and it is quite clear you are getting frustrated with this thread and the replies you are getting. Remember this is a forum and people don't always read properly and fully and miss some information.

Again, I don't think Dandelion was attacking you, but stating their opinion.


You started the squabbles. You started getting frustrated and impatient with people because you had to repeat the info you gave for instance about your partner socialising mostly in couples.

In truth, you are giving me a good idea of why these two friends of your OH don't like you very much, because posters here are trying to help you and you are being a bit rude.

Please feel free to check my spelling, but don't tell me. I don't care!

Is calling someone thick not nasty? If Dandelion had learning difficulties which make their spelling poor I'm sure they wouldn't use such a hurtful word. Then to go and tell someone they need to work on their self esteem?

I've continuously thanked people for their words of advice, whether I feel they help or not as I appreciate people taking the time out of their day to do so. However, if someone is being intentionally imflamatory what do you expect me to do? I've laid my stall out, I've posted an update of what's been resolved to this point and my feelings on it. I'm informing interested parties of my decisions and where we've chosen to go from here - that does not warrant someone calling anyone thick.

Sue.D.Nim

It's a shame you feel your thread is going in a bad direction, as obviously it's good for you to air your feelings and get some feedback so you feel you have some support in all of this. I hope you keep your thread going to let us know how you get on.

Even those you think are being mean must care enough about your situation to follow and comment with their advice. Some are just more blunt than others.

It must be hard everyone disagreeing with your next move though. None of the rest of the posters have feelings for your boyfriend. We are basing our thoughts on what you have told us and seeing the issue from the outside using these facts only. Things are obviously going to be very different for you as you love the guy. Maybe you might not like what people are saying because you probably know where they are coming from in the back of your mind, but want to fight for your relationship - so it might hurt to hear?

You've mentioned a few times that you are confident, and you seem it. My worry is that if this carries on, it might chip away at your confidence.

He's already shown once that he puts their feelings before yours, so I really hope for your sake that he doesn't prove that again during this 'meeting'. Stay strong, keep your wits about you, don't react to goading if possible and also say as little as possible (letting others speak more can lead to their mouths running away with them), hold your head high and keep the upper hand. Don't sit there and let them have a go at you. Speak to your boyfriend before hand and explain that if they are being unreasonable or nasty then you will get up and leave as you are getting nowhere (and that he needs to back you up). And as he's the 'prize' you're all fighting over, he needs to man up and speak up too.

Good luck

DJS1988

Anoneemoose wrote: »

Noooo! Don't lock it OP.

Only you really know what this situation is like and if you feel that the meeting is the best way to go, then go for it. If it turns disastrous for any reason, I am sure you have your head screwed on enough to decide how to proceed afterwards.

If you don't do it, you'll always wonder "what if". I don't particularly think it will 'work' but it isn't my decision to make and you've gotta do what you've gotta do.

Please keep us posted.

I don't think it'll "work" in the sense we will all be best buds (I think people here think that's the result I'm after..) but I know I won't rise to any bait if it's there, it'll either be cards on the table and we have to suck up whatever the others say, and be civil as a result. Or she shows herself up and my partner will see what I have all along (and what he saw initially - not sure if it's been mentioned but he couldn't stand her for the first year his friend was with her, but did what's been done here and sat down in a neutral environment and cleared up issues they had).