D-i-L cutting us off, no reason, how to respond?

geerex

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

This...!

Message too short.

usignuolo wrote: »

My son and I have a good relationship but he has always been a very reserved person. His nickname in our family is "His Extreme Privateness" for this reason. I am pretty outgoing and so is his father. For several years I was the main wage earner in our family and my husband worked from home and did most of the child rearing which is why they are close.

So... your son moves thousands of miles away, never tells you anything, and now his wife acts funny.

Here's what I think - he moved away to get away from you because you reduced him to "his privateness" and made him feel different to you and alienated. His wife, over time, comes to realise how overbearing you both are, and, unlike the son, doesn't need to put up with it, so doesn't.

I think you really need to look inwards.

heyboo

I thought this sounded familiar...you have clashed before.


https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4804053

victory

meritaten wrote: »

excuse me for being dense - but everyone is saying 'ask son what is going on'. shouldn't OP be asking DIL? a person to person call on the telephone and a straight question. 'DIL, have I somehow upset you'? and see what she says. what use is it !!!!!footing around asking her son when clearly he either doesn't have a clue or doesn't want to say?

As others have said, it's the son the father needs to talk to, stiff upper lip has to fall a bit to get to the bottom of what has upset the DIL ( which something clearly has) second guessing it will resolve nothing and talking to the DIL much less

victory

heyboo wrote: »

I thought this sounded familiar...you have clashed before.


https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4804053

Oh..........

poet123

geerex wrote: »

So... your son moves thousands of miles away, never tells you anything, and now his wife acts funny.

Here's what I think - he moved away to get away from you because you reduced him to "his privateness" and made him feel different to you and alienated. His wife, over time, comes to realise how overbearing you both are, and, unlike the son, doesn't need to put up with it, so doesn't.

I think you really need to look inwards.

I think that is quite harsh and hurtful. You are making assumptions you have no way of knowing are true.

victory

geerex wrote: »

So... your son moves thousands of miles away, never tells you anything, and now his wife acts funny.

Here's what I think - he moved away to get away from you because you reduced him to "his privateness" and made him feel different to you and alienated. His wife, over time, comes to realise how overbearing you both are, and, unlike the son, doesn't need to put up with it, so doesn't.

I think you really need to look inwards.

Wow, easy there tiger:eek:

Person_one

heyboo wrote: »

I thought this sounded familiar...you have clashed before.


https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4804053

Well remembered.

The two together does shed a little light.

OP, while I think the rest of their post is OTT and makes assumptions, geerex's suggestions to 'look inwards' is actually pretty sensible. Be honest and critical with yourself, and I bet you might find some reasons for this situation.

People can usually tell when you are disapproving/disappointed/unimpressed with them even if you think you aren't giving away your feelings.

BigAunty

heyboo wrote: »

I thought this sounded familiar...you have clashed before.


https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4804053

But if you read that thread, you just get the sense of someone tip-toeing around a highly strung, over-sensitive and precious new mother who reacts extremely aggressively to unintended and minor transgressions.

Who has guests over and then deliberately doesn't feed them? That's just so rude. When my partner and I visit my sister (3 kids), we jointly agree to a takeaway to make it easier for her - she wouldn't just starve us,like that DiL did.

Who gets angry at a mother in law for allowing a kid too much TV time when they never informed them at the outset of the time limit and does this by snubbing them for 24 hours? That daughter in law sounds a right 'mare - dishing out harsh penalties for minor things or not even saying what alleged fault on the part of MiL warranted not being fed?

Sending a relative to Coventry? Not offering food? That's just bizarre.

To the OP - were you staying with them in their house for the entire 5 day duration of your visit? If so, that's a lot of hosting energy and patience that's required (but it still doesn't warrant the kind of ultra and rude reactions from your DiL,nor the failure of your son to stand up to her about her lack of courtesy and rudeness).

geerex

victory wrote: »

Oh..........

Busted......

Mojisola

heyboo wrote: »

I thought this sounded familiar...you have clashed before.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4804053

Post 57 from the earlier thread -
Once again, I have NEVER made a critical comment about any aspect of their child rearing to my son or DIL. Nor have I EVER done something in defiance of how they want to raise their daughter. The incident with the television watching was simply because my DIL has decided that the grand daughter should only watch 10 minutes tv each day, but she did not tell me that (and my son confided he is not so strict when he is looking after her.)

I would also remind everyone that I have seen my granddaughter once in the last ten months and will not see her again until after the new baby is born in the late spring (her own mother will visit first). I was in NY for 5 days. So once in 18 months and because I watch tv with her contrary to unrevealed practice, my DIL sends me to coventry for 24 hours. They do not Skype and they rarely text. They claim to have no time to do so because granddaughter's child care is a full time round the clock job for both of them (they have only had two nights out since she was born). I have spoken to her own mother and they do not contact them either much which is a source of regret to them too (her parents are wonderful people).

Reading this, I think you're going to have to accept that your DIL is a bit of a drama queen who thinks the world revolves around her and her child.

Maybe now there's two children to look after, she'll have to get a bit more realistic about children having to take their place in their family and the world rather than being the centre of the universe.