D-i-L cutting us off, no reason, how to respond?

supersaver2

Fleago wrote: »

I would agree with what you say about two sides to the story and the need for OP to consider what may have caused the apparent rift, lostinrates. However, it appears some posters have gone beyond speculation, have decided what has happened and are basing some pretty strong replies to OP on that. I don't think that that approach is necessarily helpful.

Come on that is the done thing on here, assumptions and accusations are thrown around as gospel. Honestly this board amazes me at the times, the posters must be psychic to know some of the details that the rest of us aren't aware of!

I've had my eyes opened as well to how sensitive and touchy some grown women appear to be. I'm so glad my wife isn't like that, one wrong sentence can have you frozen out and ignored.

lostinrates

Fleago wrote: »

I would agree with what you say about two sides to the story and the need for OP to consider what may have caused the apparent rift, lostinrates. However, it appears some posters have gone beyond speculation, have decided what has happened and are basing some pretty strong replies to OP on that. I don't think that that approach is necessarily helpful.

Ah well, such is the nature of the Internet, regretfully.

There is no doubt the subject hits a nerve for me. My in laws are thoroughly decent people I respect greatly in many ways but a lot of how op presented things felt very similar and its easy for me to speculate on potential conversations for the son and dil. Obviously, its also easy for me to be over influenced by by experience too!

FBaby

Surely if it all comes down to the supposed upsetting discussions between OP and DL mother wouldn't be a lot easier if OP son just asked that it stopped happening? I'm sure OP would be fine with it if it meant she could go back to having a pleasant relationship with her son and family.

I personally don't think it had anything to do with rudeness one way or the other but about a while family ending up upset and resentful with each other just because they can't just say what's on their mind once and for all. Such a waste even more if the intention is that they are not bothered or they don't want to come across as rude when they are already any way!

duchy

Of course it may be that "His Privateness" knows perfectly well that his mother's more robust way of "clearing the air" would go down very badly with his wife who is a more private person like her husband rather than more like the bombastic sounding OP who demonstrated she doesn't know where to draw the line by criticizing the parent's choice of attachment parenting to the wife's own mother. Regardless of whether it got back to DIL or not -what on earth was she hoping to achieve - an intervention of two united grannies brandishing Dr Spock books ?

I do wonder if the OP's husband doesn't have more of an idea than he's letting on but knows its better for now to keep the peace rather than push a confrontation from which there may be no return.

I do know some people think that families can say what they like no matter how hurtful and it can be easily forgiven and forgotten - and I think to a degree between siblings especially that can be true particularly in large families but the DIL isn't family and her family dynamics may be very different.

Nicki

FBaby wrote: »

Surely if it all comes down to the supposed upsetting discussions between OP and DL mother wouldn't be a lot easier if OP son just asked that it stopped happening? I'm sure OP would be fine with it if it meant she could go back to having a pleasant relationship with her son and family.

I think the fact it happened even once was a huge betrayal of trust especially as it took place when the DIL and the OP seemed to be getting on well and the DIL would have had no idea the OP was sneering about her behind her back.

If someone behaved badly to you once and hurt you would everything go back to normal just because they said they wouldn't do it again or would more not be needed? It's like saying if your husband was caught sleeping with the next door neighbour it would be ok and all instantly forgotten if he promised never to sleep with them again! Life and emotions are far more complicated than that.

For those who claim that those of us who think the OP has played a role in this are in some way psychic or omniscient, the information that the OP gossiped with the DIL's mother came from the OP herself as did the fact that the breakdown in the relationship with the DIL occurred at around the same time

pollypenny

Whatever the fault is, on whose side, there are two little ones who are going to miss out on a set of grandparents!

Morglin

Yes, and that's why all of the adults should stop flouncing around, and make an effort......:wall:

Lin