marriage in trouble

lonelyguy

Oh and before I forget, she also said that if I was 'like this' this week then she would rather make other plans.

oh yeah, and seeing as 'we' are going to try this week, we should also keep the house tidy.

good one....

Gigervamp

Let her make other plans. You could do with the time to yourself.

lonelyguy

Counselling would definitely be the best option. I think it will end in tears as I dont think she will like what she hears.
not to cynical or anything...

lonelyguy

On a lighter note to make sure this thread does not go totally doom and gloom, I hope you all had a great day :-)

Cottage_Economy

lonelyguy wrote: »

Oh and before I forget, she also said that if I was 'like this' this week then she would rather make other plans.

oh yeah, and seeing as 'we' are going to try this week, we should also keep the house tidy.

good one....

There's a better more enjoyable life waiting out there for you away from this....and one day you're going to meet someone who will respect you for being the prince of a man that you are.

victory

lonelyguy wrote: »

Counselling would definitely be the best option. I think it will end in tears as I dont think she will like what she hears.
not to cynical or anything...

In a way you can't blame her for that as no one at all would want to hear that they have played a part in the unhappiness of another person, that the marriage is not perfect and has issues because of them, I can't imagine anyone wanting to sit and listen and have listed all their bad points , if she takes ownership for her part, if she hears what is being said and listens there could be a togetherness that will drive the marriage forward , if she continues to be in denial, there is nothing that can be done.

lonelyguy

Victory, you are right. I do understand your point.
I wouldnt go just to destroy her. I just meant that I dont think she will take ownership without somehow deflecting it back on me.

tayforth

lonelyguy wrote: »

I agree.
thats why when she said I had affection problems I spent 5 months in counselling each week to explore why it could be.
it turned out half of it was because I found it hard to be close to someone who treated me badly!
Anyway, the point is I really tried and if it wasnt enough she could have left me but I think I improved a lot (even if I do say so myself ;-) )

I have to go to doctors tomorrow about something and she mentioned that maybe I could ask for something to help with my depression
I said no way. I hate tablets at the beat of times and why would I want to numb my feelings?

She has said that we should try to have a good week and then at the end see if counselling is worth it? She says she is up for it but there would be no point if we dont get on.
when is she going to realise that it WILL NOT be sorted without it??

She just came and sat next to me and asked if we could hug. I wasnt that forthcoming tbh. I did in the end but again I just think if she wants to give me a hug then just do it.

she also told me that she just doesnt have much energy left now so she cant carry me.
I said fine. I dont need anyone to carry me. I hadnt asked her for anything anyway.

and before I forget, I hope you havent all pulled your hair out yet. I know you are all saying the same thing to me. Im not ignoring you. Im just hoping there is any sense of responsibility on her part that may surface
for anyone that has lost hair, pm me your address and ill send you a nice wig ;-)

You improved? Even though your problems were as a result of the way she was treating you? Did she do anything to help the situation??

She's really pushing this depression thing. I think you're right not to want tablets, not that I even think you're depressed. Just miserable and lonely in your marriage.

I went to the doctor when I was close to ending my relationship (and, like your wife, my ex suggested that I was depressed). After asking for advice on an unrelated matter, I mentioned that I wasn't happy in my marriage, and he suggested counselling. Just for me on my own. I agreed, but the appointment wasn't for another few weeks. In the meantime, I got to the end of my tether and ended up going to the Samaritans. And it was the best thing I could have done.

You do need to talk to someone - and it would help to talk to them on your own, without worrying about upsetting/angering your wife. If not a counsellor, then the Samaritans, or the men's helpline that was posted earlier in the thread.

xx

FBaby

I have to go to doctors tomorrow about something and she mentioned that maybe I could ask for something to help with my depression
I said no way. I hate tablets at the beat of times and why would I want to numb my feelings?

She has said that we should try to have a good week and then at the end see if counselling is worth it? She says she is up for it but there would be no point if we dont get on.
when is she going to realise that it WILL NOT be sorted without it??

So it is ok for you to say no way to her suggestions but you critisize for not going along with yours.

Your posts are so negative about her, everything now is about how horrible she is. It sounds like all she can do is critisize you and all you can is critisize her. I don't see how any counselling is going to work for you and you should really look at moving on.

sax11

lonelyguy wrote: »

I wouldnt go just to destroy her. I just meant that I dont think she will take ownership without somehow deflecting it back on me.

This is the simmering resentment i mentioned earlier.

Like others i don't think you're depressed, you certainly don't have the attitude of someone who is.

And for my tuppence worth, get out of it now with your head held high. Plugging along for a year in the hope that it will get better won't happen as both sides aren't pulling the same way.