marriage in trouble

stripey1969

I think a lot of us are guilty of taking our loved ones for granted, and it can be a shock when you realise your bad behaviour will no longer be tolerated and your partner's off! When I told my ex I wanted to end it, he told me whatever he could change into whatever person I wanted; that he was willing to do whatever it took. It was hard to explain that it was just too late - it wasn't any kind of bitter "well why didn't you change 10 years ago the first time I brought it up" reaction, it was simply that a switch had flipped inside me and I knew no matter how hard he tried, I'd already given up on him. It sounds as though you've had the same switch flip in you too!

If you can move out it might be a good idea. I get the feeling she might put you through quite a lot of emotional blackmail over the next few months. Stay strong x

lonelyguy

Stripey.

you hit the nail on the head.
last night amongst other things she told me she loved me more than anything and would do whatever it takes.
I keep saying that I just dont feel the same anymore.
its not bitterness over everything.
just that a switch has flipped and thats that really!

TBagpuss

lonelyguy wrote: »

Hello everyone



We decided we would try to live amicably until the house was sold but it may be too much to be under one roof. It may be bettter if I moved out if she is finding it hard me being around all the time.

god, she is being so nice. I would love to believe that things could be better but im way too cynical for that..

I would advise against moving out. It would undoubtably be less stressful in the short term, but it does have a significant financial impact, if you are having to pay for accommodation elsewhere (can she afford to pay the whole of the mortgage and bills without your help, if you move out?) also, if you are trying to sell the house, you need to be sure that it is being kept well presented, that the agents have access for viewing s etc. If you move out, she may have little incentive to cooperate with a sale, as staying put may be cheaper for her than moving.

Everything you have described suggests that she can be quite manipulative and changeable.

If she doesn't feel that she can be in the same house as you then she could move out . (if renting is more expensive than the mortgage you could offer to pay half the difference for a limited period)

tayforth

stripey1969 wrote: »

I think a lot of us are guilty of taking our loved ones for granted, and it can be a shock when you realise your bad behaviour will no longer be tolerated and your partner's off! When I told my ex I wanted to end it, he told me whatever he could change into whatever person I wanted; that he was willing to do whatever it took. It was hard to explain that it was just too late - it wasn't any kind of bitter "well why didn't you change 10 years ago the first time I brought it up" reaction, it was simply that a switch had flipped inside me and I knew no matter how hard he tried, I'd already given up on him. It sounds as though you've had the same switch flip in you too!

If you can move out it might be a good idea. I get the feeling she might put you through quite a lot of emotional blackmail over the next few months. Stay strong x

lonelyguy wrote: »

Stripey.

you hit the nail on the head.
last night amongst other things she told me she loved me more than anything and would do whatever it takes.
I keep saying that I just dont feel the same anymore.
its not bitterness over everything.
just that a switch has flipped and thats that really!

I was exactly the same. I actually remember describing it as flipping a switch inside my head. And I knew that I couldn't ever undo it.

It's liberating.

ruby-roo_2

lonelyguy wrote: »

just that a switch has flipped and thats that really!

You are seeing clearly now, just how destructive the life you have been leading has been for you. You get to a point where you realise that you could have so much more and experience real happiness. Take some time to work out what you want. I hope you go on to find someone who you feel a great connection to. She is out there.

stripey1969

Been thinking about you, lonelyguy ... how are things with you?