Timing

victory

Confusedandneedhelp wrote: »

You're right I do think about it every minute of everyday. There's rarely a time when I forget. Part of me reLly does want to forget.

It's like there's two people stuck inside me. One going let her have time. Be a good dad. If she changes her mind then great.

And another part of me going no, u must be with her now.

Sometimes the second person wins, that's when I do stupid things.

Stupid things moment, stop count to ten, take a walk, wait twenty minutes, write it all down, scrunch it up and throw it away, get a dictaphone, talk into it and delete it, any one of those, choose one, use it whichever one works and then start over calmer

justme111

Brassic woman says it to the t. Yes I am one sided , I am trying to show you her side but you don't want to see it , you seeing just yours. You seem to be honest in your suffering though , that's why we all bang our heads against your denial trying to make you understand the situation. You not accepting she is not yours anymore is treating her like posession with no regard to what she said ! You will think you lost her if she goes with someone else , her word that she does not want to be with you is disregarded in your brain , it will sink only if she sleeps with someone else - how is it being considerate and respectful ? Now , you wondered why she was nice to you - wantu.g the best for you and being nice is because you mean something to her , it does not mean she wants you as a partner , she does not !

justme111

I am replying to your thread because I been in this situation before nursing my ex through the pain of separation from me so this topic is close to my heart .in reply to your original question - if she wants you back she will tell you. Thats it. No other signs , second guessing or ifs or buts. You said you did not stalk her - yes you do. You want to know what she does and what she thunks , that's stalking. I really hope you will stop this constant communication with her , it does not do you good and it damages your chances of getting her back. She can not want you back while you smoothering her with your confessions and "I want I want " of petulant child. Women want men , not children as partners.

justme111

Difference between men /adult and child in this context is not pubic hair or deep voice or banging the table with a fist. Is understanding that his desires are not most important and to be catered for , that his pain is not the biggest or most important ones , hability to listen more than talk and not demand to his wounds being tended to but tend to other people's wounds instead.

icklejulez

To be honest OP, if you truly loved her you would walk away from her and aim not to get in a relationship with her ever. You have obviously made a large deal of her life difficult and she should not have to suffer because of the way you act. Even having this thread (and another) is a sign of your stalking her. It is not rational behaviour, even for someone who is deeply in love and has lost someone. You are being very irrational.


You need to walk away from her, allow her to meet someone else that can make her happy if needs be. It sounds harsh, but its true. Your issues are not a quick fix, you need on-going counselling for a long time (possibly years) to change your behaviour. How can you ever truly change or make her happy in a few weeks of therapy?


The strongest and most loving man would walk away. Admit, that he has made the mistakes (not her) and prefer for her to live her life than to try and satisfy his own need for love.


I recommend that you accept you have lost her whether or not she wants you back, because you will only go and disappoint her down the line. However, I know that you are not capable of listening to this advice. You will read this thread hoping to find tiny bits of advice that may help win her round. Personally, if she chose to be back with you I doubt you would even be satisfied then. She has abandoned you and that is the issue, not love.


My next piece of advice, speak to the GP about this behaviour and obsessional thinking. Seriously... I work in Mental Health services and believe that there are options out there that would help you, but like I said there is no quick fix. You have years of behaviour and issues to address first. Until you do this, you will never be able to find true happiness.

Confusedandneedhelp

You are all correct. Just an update:

So yesterday I was looking after the kids, and she came home. I'd written her a note, and just said bye. I was about half way home when I realised I'd left my tablets behind, genuine mistake so came back to ask her to get them. Anyway turns out there's a guy there. I didn't kick up a fuss or anything, I just left. I had no idea.

I text her to say so, I genuinely didn't know. She came home alone and said she was going to bed. I wasn't checking up on her.

Anyway this morning she's telling me that I can never see the kids again, that she hopes I die etc etc.

I don't even know what to do. It doesn't even matter if she's seeing this guy or not. Though she's making a point of insisting she isn't. I just don't understand why, if that's the case she had to sneak him home. I do mean sneak, like she arrived, insisted I left straight away, arrived alone. How was I supposed to know she was waiting for someone??

And if she is seeing someone why make such a big deal about denying it all.

I don't get life at all

paulineb_2

Confusedandneedhelp wrote: »

You are all correct. Just an update:

So yesterday I was looking after the kids, and she came home. I'd written her a note, and just said bye. I was about half way home when I realised I'd left my tablets behind, genuine mistake so came back to ask her to get them. Anyway turns out there's a guy there. I didn't kick up a fuss or anything, I just left. I had no idea.

I text her to say so, I genuinely didn't know. She came home alone and said she was going to bed. I wasn't checking up on her.

Anyway this morning she's telling me that I can never see the kids again, that she hopes I die etc etc.

I don't even know what to do. It doesn't even matter if she's seeing this guy or not. Though she's making a point of insisting she isn't. I just don't understand why, if that's the case she had to sneak him home. I do mean sneak, like she arrived, insisted I left straight away, arrived alone. How was I supposed to know she was waiting for someone??

And if she is seeing someone why make such a big deal about denying it all.

I don't get life at all

Maybe she knows how you would react if she told you she was seeing someone.

Confusedandneedhelp

paulineb wrote: »

Maybe she knows how you would react if she told you she was seeing someone.

But I didn't kick off. I mean it's pretty obvious. And just for the record to anyone who read my other thread same guy with the necklace and who she went to see and left me for on 'our' night out.

If it was just to talk like she claims, why didn't she just stay out longer? It's clearly because they are seeing eachother. But if she told me then I wouldn't have poured my heart out to her. I just feel like she's been laughing at me this whole time. And now she's using this as an excuse to spt me seeing the kids.

I text her this: Clearly we want different things. U aren't in love with me, I understand that. I am finding it hard to get over it, u really meant a lot to me and my feelings can't disappear just like that. Just like U cant draw a line under everything, neither can I. Uve been thru depression, so I hope u can understand that I am having a really tough time. I'm not asking for sympathy, I'm just telling u how I am. I'm sorry for hassling u to get back together, it's not what u want and bullying and pestering u is just making things worse. Please don't take the kids away from me. They mean the world to me. I will not contact u again, but I'm asking u to please let me see them

And I'm not going to contact her again. If he makes her happy great. It sounds like I'm going to be replaced as a dad too though.

delain

Confusedandneedhelp wrote: »

I don't even know what to do. It doesn't even matter if she's seeing this guy or not. Though she's making a point of insisting she isn't. I just don't understand why, if that's the case she had to sneak him home. I do mean sneak, like she arrived, insisted I left straight away, arrived alone. How was I supposed to know she was waiting for someone??

And if she is seeing someone why make such a big deal about denying it all.

I don't get life at all

What she does or doesn't do is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

How do you think it feels for her when she has you in contact all the time and she has to hide what she's doing so you don't freak out on her and then you turn up anyway and act all hard done by, when it is your own fault that you are split up.

From the sounds of it you have been pressurizing her to fit in with YOUR wants and needs, that takes it's toll on anyone. Doesn't the fact that she felt she had to hide it say something about your behaviour?

If I was your ex I'd be glad to be shot of you.

Confusedandneedhelp

It's not paranoia if it's true as they say.