Timing

Confusedandneedhelp

I mean I bring more than just problems to the table, I bring positives too. I guess that's what I need to prove though.

As positives I mean I love the kids and am their dad, I work, I want to make her happy, I am changing. But I guess that's the whole point, proving this

Confusedandneedhelp

paulineb wrote: »

You've destroyed her emotionally and questioning why it might not be fixable. I think you've answered your own question.

I think you're right, just trying to wrap my head around it. God if give anything for one more chance, I sure as hell would make it work.

marisco_2

Has she changed her mind then about kissing someone else for your benefit, to get back at you and get you to leave?!

Confusedandneedhelp

marisco wrote: »

Has she changed her mind then about kissing someone else for your benefit, to get back at you and get you to leave?!

Well she says it was a stupid mistake and she regrets it. I guess I take that to mean yes she has changed her mind about it? I'm not trying to read between the lines, those are her words

victory

Confusedandneedhelp wrote: »

Well she says it was a stupid mistake and she regrets it. I guess I take that to mean yes she has changed her mind about it? I'm not trying to read between the lines, those are her words

So has she said she will not go with anyone else and will wait for you to change? Have you told her you will change and be the person she hoped you would be?

Have you even talked about what the future could bring eventually together?

Confusedandneedhelp

victory wrote: »

So has she said she will not go with anyone else and will wait for you to change? Have you told her you will change and be the person she hoped you would be?

Have you even talked about what the future could bring eventually together?

Well she says she's not after anybody else, she's not out on the pull. Again I take that to mean she's not going to go out with anyone else, those are her words.

I spoke about what I wanted to bring to the relationship, about the changes in behaviour and attitude I wanted to make. About giving her what she's always wanted. She didn't say yes or no, she says she doesn't know. I just asked her to think about it, she said she would.

I don't want to bring it up for a couple of weeks now though, just let my actions speak for me.

victory

Confusedandneedhelp wrote: »

Well she says she's not after anybody else, she's not out on the pull. Again I take that to mean she's not going to go out with anyone else, those are her words.

I spoke about what I wanted to bring to the relationship, about the changes in behaviour and attitude I wanted to make. About giving her what she's always wanted. She didn't say yes or no, she says she doesn't know. I just asked her to think about it, she said she would.

I don't want to bring it up for a couple of weeks now though, just let my actions speak for me.

What I don't get is you feel that you are what she has always wanted, she had you but according to your own words, you behaved badly and were terrible towards her? So you lost her, broke her heart, made her mistrust you and now she is so hurt she doesn't want to risk it again with you but you say now she has had to endure all of that you have changed and now you are going to be what she always wanted?

Why were you not at the beginning?

victory

Also what's in it for her? What does she really want? Can she forgive you? Trust you again? Ever person is imperfect and you are addressing yours but has more damage than good been made, is it survivable?

BrassicWoman

Confusedandneedhelp wrote: »

It's also about what I can offer too.

It really isn't. It's about leaving her alone for a good long time. You've nowt to offer until you are fixed.

Keep pushing and you'll have damn all relationship, not even a friendship.

Work on being the kind of person you want to be, for you. Not to make her happy. What YOU want to be, alone, for yourself.

Do that for a year. No romance, no relationships, no impact on any one but you.

Then come back and discuss what you might be able to offer.

justme111

What would you do if she went off with someone else ? Would you been civil with her , good with kids ? If not then all your change is a pretence.your best chance to prove you are different is if she went with someone else and you accepted it. I been in a very similar situation to her , I replied in your other thread bit you don't seem to listen. The moment I knew i am not going back with my ex was when i had a fling and he blue the gasket , that's after a year of separation ! Until you see her as your property she , if she has a modicum of intelligence , will keep you away and don't bbelieve your talk . You see ever day without her as a lost day , the sure sign you are not ready. I am not sure you will be any time soon judging by your posts.