Timing

victory

Confusedandneedhelp wrote: »

Everyone is saying the same thing. I should be listening. And I'm sure if I was a 3rd party I'd be saying the same thing as you are right now.

It just hurts.

Today I was shockingly bad. In my own head I mean. I walked out of work and almost burst into tears.

Now I'm round looking after the kids whilst she goes out. My heart is saying trust her ( I appreciate she owes me absolutely nothing ), but my stupid head has all these ideas about her meeting some fella I don't know about.

And on the flip side she's been really nice and offered to lend me my rent money ( I get paid one day after it's due, just bad timing). And I'm like, why is she being nice to me, she's supposed to hate my guts.

And to be honest all I really want is to just walk away from it all for a while. ( obviously I can't walk away from my kids ). If you are all right, and I'm going to presume you are. Then the best thing I can do is let her be for a while. Ok fair enough, I accept that.

It's not like any other relationship where u can just close the door with a big F U. We have to see eachother.

Anyway I messed up, I rang her earlier and told her exactly how I felt - I told her about wanting to be a family and everything that goes with that. She didn't just hang up though, she listened to me. We got cut short and haven't picked up the conversation. But it's worse than any other break up I've been thru. The other times is just simple to walk away. Here I'm constantly reminded about what I could've had.

Your right I'm not the first, nor the last person to go through stuff like this. I just wish I had one nice day in the past god knows how long where I actually felt good about myself. It's a constant reminder of how much of a !!!! I was.

You are walking on egg shells, crippling yourself with that ' why/ what ifs / why me/ if only' you are going to drive yourself mad, you need to breath, stop chasing your own tail, look for a positive, stop bereating, look at today, look forward, the past has been terrible but don't let it influence every next step you take, learn from it, learn never to repeat it, stay positive, keep focused , be strong, stop whimpering, face today and each day with a fresh positive, this is going to be my day outlook:D:D

BrassicWoman

Take the kids for the weekend and don't see her other than 5 mins for handover.

You get kids; she gets time for herself.

If it's really about the kids, that'll do it. If you're just using them to get to her, you'll find an excuse not to do this.

Confusedandneedhelp

paulineb wrote: »

Leave her be. Stop the conversations of wanting to get back together.

You had plenty time to stop treating her badly when you were with her and you didnt.

Work on yourself, if she forgives you in time, fine but stop putting pressure on her and if she is dating someone else, that's her right, you arent together.

I get the feeling that no matter what people say on here, you are still going to keep asking her to talk about getting back together, you really do risk driving her away for good if you dont give her some space.

No I'll stop.

I'm lying here cuddling my youngest who just woke up and he reminding me of the important things in life.

If she is dating, I'll be gutted sure. But as you say we aren't together.

Confusedandneedhelp

BrassicWoman wrote: »

Take the kids for the weekend and don't see her other than 5 mins for handover.

You get kids; she gets time for herself.

If it's really about the kids, that'll do it. If you're just using them to get to her, you'll find an excuse not to do this.

I'll gladly do that. It's not all about me and her I know that. It's just that she has the deciding vote on whether we are a family or not.

But that's not rmeverythibg

marisco_2

I wouldn't risk bombarding her with your thoughts and feelings, whilst she is still trying to process her own, and making her mind up about the future she wants. To do so could lead to her gradually distancing herself from you.

BrassicWoman

That's sounding better

We all have daft moments. I hope as your medication kicks in a bit more it'll level out your peaks and troughs of emotion; that'll help loads. (Is what my drugs do for me!)

victory

Confusedandneedhelp wrote: »

I'll gladly do that. It's not all about me and her I know that. It's just that she has the deciding vote on whether we are a family or not.

But that's not rmeverythibg

The problem is you think about it every second of every moment of every day, step away, think of something else, take up a hobby, do some DIY, create another life for yourself, let time heal

Confusedandneedhelp

victory wrote: »

The problem is you think about it every second of every moment of every day, step away, think of something else, take up a hobby, do some DIY, create another life for yourself, let time heal

You're right I do think about it every minute of everyday. There's rarely a time when I forget. Part of me reLly does want to forget.

It's like there's two people stuck inside me. One going let her have time. Be a good dad. If she changes her mind then great.

And another part of me going no, u must be with her now.

Sometimes the second person wins, that's when I do stupid things.

Confusedandneedhelp

BrassicWoman wrote: »

That's sounding better

We all have daft moments. I hope as your medication kicks in a bit more it'll level out your peaks and troughs of emotion; that'll help loads. (Is what my drugs do for me!)

Thanks.

I won't bet the college find on this, but I do hope she does change her mind. Just have to accept I can't change it for her

BrassicWoman

Confusedandneedhelp wrote: »

Thanks.

I won't bet the college find on this, but I do hope she does change her mind. Just have to accept I can't change it for her

Stop thinking about it. Take the drugs, enjoy the kids, go for long walks, get a hobby, do the therapy.

When you go 28 full days without asking her about "us" get yourself a treat. And for the next 28, and next 28.

That's the goal. 28 days "clean" for starters!