Timing

icklejulez

Agree, I think its for the best.


Closure for you.


Now you need to think long and hard about what you want in terms of relationship with your children.


Do you have a safe place for them to stay with the necessary rooms or is it going to be day visits? I would be applying for mediation with your ex so you can agree custody.


Perhaps taking them for tea once a week after school and perhaps on a Saturday/every other Saturday.


You need to work on yourself first, ignore the ex and don't get into any discussions about the situation. Walk away. She will at least respect you for that. She is the mother of your child and you need to show her respect otherwise your children will never learn to respect you.


Her comments about stopping contact, are probably anger and frustration. In your situation with your past issues I am really going to advise mediation. Its not expensive split between two.


Also look on the CSA website to what you should be paying her. At least pay the minimum that's the least the children deserve.


As for the new relationship, don't dwell on it too much. Some work, some don't. Have you ever considered that your ex just needs a little TLC and attention? Leave her to it and rebuild yourself.

Confusedandneedhelp

I don't know what to think anymore. It's just a massive head !!!!. She's saying my son loves this guy and went straight to him and all this. That's she's been seeing him for weeks and doesn't need to be drunk to sleep with him, unlike me.

It's like torture. And I'm not even ringing her, she's ringing me. I don't know if she's saying it to get to me or if it's true, or both.

2 hours ago she said and I quote he's !!!! all to me, just a mate and I manage to keep my pants on where I'm with him.

Jesus it's so ducked up.

Confusedandneedhelp

And yes I know I shouldn't think about it. But what the hell do I think about when she's making a point if ringing me to Tell me this. And to tell me to kill myself, that I'm pathetic and she's dance at my funeral

tea_lover

You could just not answer the phone. Obviously you'll need to speak to each other about the children at some point but clearly emotions are running too high for that right now. Turn your phone off, leave it in a drawer, get out of the house for a couple of hours.

Confusedandneedhelp

I'm going to. I just don't know what to think. A friend is coming over, I'll be glad of the company

BrassicWoman

What are you both, on Hollyoaks?

Calm the hell down.

justme111

It shows your priorities - main concern is not abw to formalise access but how to get to know her bedroom business.

marisco_2

delain wrote: »

If I was your ex I'd be glad to be shot of you.

Except this situation isn't as black and white as that is it. This lady had a child with the OP, and has encouraged him to build bonds with two children from a previous relationship she had. Her needs and wants and indeed the OPs should be completely secondary, to what is best for the wellbeing of the children caught up in the middle of all this. They will want to maintain contact and a relationship, with the man they know as their dad even if their mum no longer wishes to. For her to tell the OP that he can never see the children again, and that she hopes he will die is a totally horrendous thing to do. Frankly I question the stability of the woman's mental health after she has done that. I wouldn't feel happy about having any child of mine in the care of someone so emotionally volatile.

BrassicWoman

I'd say she's been hounded, hit the end of her tether, and lashed out. She sounds no less stable than the OP to me!

marisco_2

BrassicWoman wrote: »

She sounds no less stable than the OP to me!

The lady concerned has clearly been seriously riled by the OP. That does not justify her telling the father of her children, a man well known to her as being depressed and struggling, to kill himself and that she'd dance at his funeral. For the sake of the children if nothing else, anyone stable and level headed would not make such potentially reckless comments.