Children and violence

pinkshoes

I'm a Y7 tutor, and one of my form group (aged 11) got into a fight the other day with another 11 year old.

I had a chat with him about it, and told him that under no circumstances was it EVER* ok to hit anyone, even if they have hit you.

He told me that if someone hits you, then you should hit them back harder. His dad told him!

Some of the other boys then agreed with this, and said their parents had also told them the same thing, or they had heard their parents referring to hitting someone or wanting to hit someone!

I feel quite annoyed that parents are passing on the message that violence is acceptable.

EDIT:
*by using the word "ever", I am speaking of situations where the person has the opportunity to walk away. I am under not circumstances referring to those trapped against their own will and need to fight back to escape

Domayne

My dad taught me the same thing....If someone hits you, what are you supposed to do? Just stand there and let them?

springdreams

I hold my hand up to being a parent who has told my DS that if someone hits him, he is to hit them back.

The intention not being to promote violence, but to ensure that my DS does not become the victim of bullies. He knows that he should not hit anyone who has not hit him first.

Children need to learn to stand up for themselves.

My son has only once been bullied. He has been left alone now that his tormentor knows that he will stand up for himself.

victory

pinkshoes wrote: »

I'm a Y7 tutor, and one of my form group (aged 11) got into a fight the other day with another 11 year old.

I had a chat with him about it, and told him that under no circumstances was it EVER ok to hit anyone, even if they have hit you.

He told me that if someone hits you, then you should hit them back harder. His dad told him!

Some of the other boys then agreed with this, and said their parents had also told them the same thing, or they had heard their parents referring to hitting someone or wanting to hit someone!

I feel quite annoyed that parents are passing on the message that violence is acceptable.

It's not so much violence is acceptable more that bullies will not win, bullies will be put in their place, show no weakness and no taunting/ violence/ bullying will happen to you ....

CH27

Schools do little to help children being bullied at times.
My son learned to hit backer harder & was left well alone by the bullies.
He would never hit anyone first but he certainly won't allow someone to hit without retaliating.

Person_one

If parents taught that violence was only acceptable when it was in self-defence, when its the only way to stop somebody who is actively hurting you, that would be fine.

Violence in any other situation is completely wrong. Tough situation for a teacher though, most kids are going to go along with what their parents tell them, especially if it means they get to wallop other kids for fun.

GobbledyGook

Sadly it's a never ending battle in schools.

Schools often treat the one hitting back worse than the instigator yet parents encourage hitting back.

Given the appalling way some schools deal with bullying I can't blame them.

My daughters both have banshee like wails if someone hits them so I've never had the hit back dilemma. Thankfully the wails seem to be as effective as hitting back!

Kayalana99

GobbledyGook wrote: »

Sadly it's a never ending battle in schools.

Schools often treat the one hitting back worse than the instigator yet parents encourage hitting back.

Given the appalling way some schools deal with bullying I can't blame them.

My daughters both have banshee like wails if someone hits them so I've never had the hit back dilemma. Thankfully the wails seem to be as effective as hitting back!

I had a falling out with one girl and she 'attacked me' on three occasions, teachers saw at the time but did nothing - it wasn't until I hit her and floored her that I got dentition?If teachers had stepped in eariler then it wouldn't of happened!! (and yes she hit me as well but because I did the most damage Im the one in trouble ofc..)

GobbledyGook

Kayalana99 wrote: »

I had a falling out with one girl and she 'attacked me' on three occasions, teachers saw at the time but did nothing - it wasn't until I hit her and floored her that I got dentition?If teachers had stepped in eariler then it wouldn't of happened!! (and yes she hit me as well but because I did the most damage Im the one in trouble ofc..)

Inconsistent punishments really annoyed me when I worked in schools. Similar happened in one I worked in. One girl was repeatedly attacking one of the boys. Everyone knew it, but she was so blimming sneaky she was never caught. One day she kicked him really hard where it hurts most and he kicked her back. She fell and bumped her face. The whole incident was witnessed and imo his reaction was instinctive to stop her kicking him again.

They both ended up in detention for exactly the same length of time which really grated on me.

Acc72

pinkshoes wrote: »

He told me that if someone hits you, then you should hit them back harder. His dad told him!

I am not a parent, but do remember when I was at school and our English teacher was equally horrified to make this discovery.

She went around the class and I think that without exception, every single child had been told :

- If somebody hits you, hit them back

- If somebody hits your brother / sister, then you hit them

pinkshoes

It was a case of A called B names, so B pinned A up against the wall, A then slapped him to get him off, and B then lost it, kicked him to the floor and repeatedly hit him.

I'm quite horrified that ANY parent would tell their child that any form of violence is ok.

If kids learn to lash out at this age, who are they going to hit when they are older? A partner that has annoyed them?

Oddly, one boy who had also been in a fight last term told me his mum kicked his dad out as he had hit her. And yet he cannot distinguish between that, and him thinking it's ok to hit someone.