Children and violence

willownuts

Hi all,

I just had to add a comment. Hope it doesnt offend anyone.

When my husband was at high school he was bullied all the way through school. Not just name calling, but very serious stuff. In those days (early 80s) it was treated almost as a rite of passage. He was stabbed in the head with compasses, chucked down stairs, had his fingers slammed in doors. One of the group of boys (and there were girls in the gang) actually masturbated into his hands and rubbed it in my husbands face! And all the teachers and his parents told him to do was dont ever retaliate, just turn the other cheek. Well, he did and they broke it! He spent 3 weeks in hospital!

So yesterday, my DS who is 12 (and a very quiet boy, just like his dad) was involved in a fight at school. His Head of year rang to tell me and I hot-footed it to school. It seems a boy in his class had been throwing punches at him, trying to make him flinch. And my son (terrified) stood his ground and the lad got fed-up and punched him in the eye. Shattering his glasses and splitting my sons cheek with the frame and force of the punch.

My son picked himself up and belted the other boy back. Probably harder and threw him on the floor.

A teacher then intervened.

Both boys were put in isolation for the day and punished equally.

But I would never, ever punish my children for standing up for themselves. I wouldnt condone them looking for a fight, or being a bully. But I have always said bullies understand one thing and thats their own language!

Rach

glitter_fairy

FBaby wrote: »

You must be very proud

I never wanted him to have to do that but he had tried everything else. Should he have stood there and be hit every day? have his uniform cut up? Have his head stuck down the toilet?

ska_lover

I would be proud. He had asserted himself and stopped a year of bullying, all by himself, whilst the teachers did nothing? Yes very proud indeed

Did you know that patronising or condescending text could be perceived as bullying? Hmmmm

fluffnutter

glitter_fairy wrote: »

I agreed with you until my son was bullied and nothing was done. My son has been boxing since he was 5. He is not at all agressive, but when he finally snapped after over a year of abuse he broke the bullys nose and floored him with one punch. No one has bothered him since.

He broke someone's nose?? Nice. Remind me again why bullying people's not OK but breaking their noses is fine.

Person_one

FBaby wrote: »

I much much prefer to teach my kids to be assertive than that it is ok to hit back. Assertive kids don't get pick on/bullied, yet don't have to be bullied either. I was never bullied nor ever bullied anyone, nor did my parents, nor did my kids. You don't have to be one of the other.

Actually, I'm pretty sure there's no formula that guarantees a child won't be bullied. To some, confidence and assertiveness are a sign that somebody needs to be 'knocked down a peg or two'.

Person_one

glitter_fairy wrote: »

I agreed with you until my son was bullied and nothing was done. My son has been boxing since he was 5. He is not at all agressive, but when he finally snapped after over a year of abuse he broke the bullys nose and floored him with one punch. No one has bothered him since.

Have to say, he sounds a bit aggressive...

glitter_fairy

fluffnutter wrote: »

He broke someone's nose?? Nice. Should have been done for assault frankly.

Yes he did, its the only time he has ever been in a fight, and it has stopped his life being made hell everyday

glitter_fairy

Person_one wrote: »

Have to say, he sounds a bit aggressive...

That is the only time in 11 years he has ever lashed out

Person_one

glitter_fairy wrote: »

That is the only time in 11 years he has ever lashed out

I hope the other kid's parents informed the police.

glitter_fairy

fluffnutter wrote: »

He broke someone's nose?? Nice. Remind me again why bullying people's not OK but breaking their noses is fine.

So what should he have done? Just taken it? He didnt plan to break his nose, He had to do something,

Ideally the school should have protected him but they didnt