Children and violence

Domayne

pinkshoes wrote: »

If kids learn to lash out at this age, who are they going to hit when they are older? A girlfriend that has annoyed them?

I agree that parents should distinguish the difference between fighting back and being violent for violence sake - I've never gone out of my way to hit anybody and I don't like violence at all, I don't think it's necessary (unless it's consensual )
What are parents supposed to teach their children? That it's ok for other kids to hit THEM?

Acc72

pinkshoes wrote: »

My post does not imply male or female doing the hitting!

In post 11 you said "If kids learn to lash out at this age, who are they going to hit when they are older? A girlfriend that has annoyed them?"

The above would indicate reference to either males or gay females.

As you have shown in this thread, it is easy to give mixed messages.

skylight

I have taught my children to defend themselves. They are not allowed to start a fight or pick on someone else; I consider name calling as starting a fight (including if the other person hit back).

They are allowed to fight back. The elder ones have also attended martial arts over the years, so they have a higher tolerance than others and can take a deep breath before taking evasive action. They also could break your nose if they wanted to (and have never done so)

What is sad, is that used to be picked on at school a lot by "harder" kids who wanted them to show off their skills. After obliging a few times those kids have left them alone.

I do not want my kids to become victims, so as everyone else here, they are allowed to fight back, but I hope that I have also taught them that even that isn't that simple!

FBaby

Actually it also does bring up the issue of what really constitute 'self-defense'. If someone is being hit continuously for instance, it is right that they should try to protect themselves and if that means hitting back at the same time, then that is understandable.

This is a different scenario to being hit once, and then going after the person who did and hitting them back.

swingaloo

At the risk of getting flamed I have to say-

When I was young it was common to fight at school mostly for the boys but there was a bit of hair pulling and scratching from the girls. It did no one any harm, it was common place. So was getting a slap if you misbehaved at home or at school.

No teenagers were mugging old ladies or carrying knives. (Im sure there were some but few and far between) murder was front page news not a common event and the world was a far better place to bring your children up in.

To all those who says that violence breeds violence, please explain why children, teenagers and adults behaved better in those days and the streets were safer to walk than today when no one is allowed to use corporal punishment back then.

And yes, if my child was still in school I would be telling him to thump anyone who started on him. Rather that than see him on the front page of a newspaper after killing himself because of bullies.

FBaby

Maybe it is because of all this violent behaviour was accepted at school then that THEIR children (now teenagers) are committing all these crimes that didn't happen then?

hawk30

I was a shy non-violent type at school and I was bullied constantly. Both physical and verbal. Trying to stand up for yourself by saying anything or telling the teacher often made it worse. So I remember with glee the time I reacted aggressively to being pinned in a corner (I pushed, didn't hit, and was verbally aggressive). The shock on his face was brilliant (I'm female).

swingaloo

FBaby wrote: »

Maybe it is because of all this violent behaviour was accepted at school then that THEIR children (now teenagers) are committing all these crimes that didn't happen then?

No, Im going back 2 or 3 generations, my son is 35.

the generation now causing the trouble and their parents grew up in the 'cant smack a child days'.

bagpussbear

I would rather my child hit back in self defence than do the 'right thing' and end up being hurt, or then be a target for bullying.

I know violence isn't right, but I think self-defence is a natural human reaction. As an adult, if I was standing innocently at a bus stop, for instance, and another adult decide to come and slap me, I would go for them. Why should it be any different for a child.

FBaby

I much much prefer to teach my kids to be assertive than that it is ok to hit back. Assertive kids don't get pick on/bullied, yet don't have to be bullied either. I was never bullied nor ever bullied anyone, nor did my parents, nor did my kids. You don't have to be one of the other.