Children and violence

Acc72

pinkshoes wrote: »

I had a chat with him about it, and told him that under no circumstances was it EVER ok to hit anyone, even if they have hit you.

I do not know anything about your background or the background of your pupils, however do you really mean the bit in capitals ?

I know I am being pedantic here, but what if one of the 11 years was subject to some kind of assault or attempted abduction ? - would you expect them to fight back ?

If so, then you cannot say "EVER".

GobbledyGook

Parents often give children conflicting advice/information though.

On Monday I heard a parent talking about smacking their older child for hitting the younger one.

With regards to hitting back - sometimes it's something parents do at the end of their tether. Some schools have shockingly bad attitudes towards bullying. I know one headteacher who is adamant there is no bullying at her school. Never any at all. Parents get nowhere with her and I can understand why you would resort to saying that to put a stop to things when your child is suffering. Of course it can make things a million times worse, but often one hit back ends it.

Acc72

pinkshoes wrote: »

If kids learn to lash out at this age, who are they going to hit when they are older? A girlfriend that has annoyed them?

The above comment would indicate a belief that only males (or gay females) can be violent.

FBaby

I don't believe in one second with the 'it's ok to hit if it is in self-defense' because unfortunately, it is rarely a straight forward case of self-defense. For instance, pupil A keeps teasing pupil B but does it in what he sees as just banter, something that he himself takes from others, but pupil B is more sensitive and gets very upset by it. After another round of teasing, he loses it and hits pupil A. Pupil A considers that it is unprecedented and hits in back in 'self-defense'. Was pupil A right to do so?

I would never ever tell my kids that it is ok to hit back someone. What I hope is that they are confident enough to say to them in an assertive tone that if it happened again, they would make sure that something is done about it. I do agree that it is about setting limits but I don't agree that these are best set by resorting to a violent act.

Person_one

pinkshoes wrote: »

I'm quite horrified that ANY parent would tell their child that any form of violence is ok.

Don't forget, loads of parents demonstrate that violence is ok, by hitting their kids themselves and telling them its for their own good!

securityguy

pinkshoes wrote: »

I had a chat with him about it, and told him that under no circumstances was it EVER ok to hit anyone, even if they have hit you.

Presumably victims of rape should just think of England. No need for self-defence in your class.

Do you give the same advice about abuse?

balletshoes

pinkshoes wrote: »

It was a case of A called B names, so B pinned A up against the wall, A then slapped him to get him off, and B then lost it, kicked him to the floor and repeatedly hit him.

I'm quite horrified that ANY parent would tell their child that any form of violence is ok.

If kids learn to lash out at this age, who are they going to hit when they are older? A girlfriend that has annoyed them?

Oddly, one boy who had also been in a fight last term told me his mum kicked his dad out as he had hit her. And yet he cannot distinguish between that, and him thinking it's ok to hit someone.

so what did you tell the kids about name calling? what did you tell the kids about putting their hands on someone else?

I've always told my daughter to keep her hands to herself, but I've also told her not to say anything to or about anyone that she wouldn't like said to/about herself.
Her Dad is of the opinion that if someone puts their hands on you, you have the right to defend yourself.

pinkshoes

Acc72 wrote: »

I do not know anything about your background or the background of your pupils, however do you really mean the bit in capitals ?

I know I am being pedantic here, but what if one of the 11 years was subject to some kind of assault or attempted abduction ? - would you expect them to fight back ?

If so, then you cannot say "EVER".

A little too pedantic! Obviously it would be perfectly acceptable to defend yourself in that sort of situation to escape.

We're not talking about someone being trapped here. We're talking about someone who can easily walk away, but chooses violence instead.

GobbledyGook

If you used the word 'EVER' to the children then you are giving them as many mixed messages as their parents.

pinkshoes

Acc72 wrote: »

The above comment would indicate a belief that only males (or gay females) can be violent.

Pinkshoes wrote: »

If kids learn to lash out at this age, who are they going to hit when they are older? A girlfriend that has annoyed them?

My post does not imply male or female doing the hitting!

The other boy in a fight last term, the person they were fighting was a 16 year old girl who started it!!